My Brother 'Jaya' is Gone

When we arrived at the Intensive care Unit of the Penang Genaral Hospital, my nephews and i were told that my brother, their father had passed about ten minutes ago. I was not moved with sadness for him but I was more relieved by the news. My second eldest brother like his younger brother Gina had no desire to prolong their lives on this plane of existance and they had let me know this not in so many ways and I feel the same in this matter sometimes wishing that it is me that is laying there all covered up, gone! I love my brother and like my late brother Gina they both went through life with a lot less to brag about and l being in my position as it is was in no way of much help to them while they were alive. Of the four brothers I had two are gone now and both grew up in Penang just like me and only later were sent to live with my parents and the rest of our siblings in Terengganu. All three of us are the failures as compared to the two who made it in life despite all the adversities that our family faced. There's none to blame as my eldest brother would remind me every so often but, ourselves. Yes we made the choices and we bear the consequences. Gina chose to be a school dropout, drug pusher, and later a gangster, while Jaya never even attended school and lived away from home and family most of his life growing up in Penang, look where they got!! And me well... my story aint over yet and if there is any happy ending for me it would be higly unlikely that it would be hailed as a triumph of the spirit.

Oh well maybe there is a silver lining in all these who knows I could still end up publishing my book or my son the High Flyer might in all likelihood find it in his heart to help his half brother and sister out in solving their residency issue and who knows what the Good Lord has in store yet. Anyhow Jaya is gone leaving behind him his children and grandchildren whose future from the way things are would seem bleak as his was. Why we keep bringing children into this world knowing how bad it is is beyond me, it is like bringing along more cattle for the packing houses. As a Muslim I am made to believe that this life I am leading is only a prelude to th after life, hence i should not cling to it too seriously. Clinging or not I know for myself that it is a cosmic joke that i am here and someone somewhere is laughing it off and worse yet after all said and done i am going to have to answer for all my deeds here right or wrong. The two angels on my left and right are ever watchful and recording every word i am typing and reading my thoughts most probably while i am thinking...such is freedom! Oh yes, the Ulamas will be raising their eyebrows if i keep writing in this line of thoughts as it is approaching blaspheme and Islam is a very intolerant religion when it come the Shirik and the Munafik (Hypocrates). Oh well, I write about myself of myself and for myself in order that i may come to understand who I am or where i stand in the events of Creation itself. I have a tough time swallowing whole the Islam that is being practiced by my fellow Muslims today and it is in no way the fault of the religion itself but that of the so called interpreters and devotees of the religion. There are too much hypocracies among my fellow so called Muslim Brothers and sisters that it stinks. Money talks and bullshit walks is the religious practice of the day, it is who you know that makes you a better Muslim and not what you know. The mosque is half filled and getting lesser by the day not bacause the people have forgotten their religion but because they have a difficult time from recognising what is real and what is a sham. Politicians parades as religious teachers and Ulamaks disguised as politicians. The Mosque or BaitulMal is rich while the masses is in need. Lets invest the Fittrah collect from the masse and that way we can generate more money for the Religious department coffer, and when we give just make sure that 'our people' are the benificiaries, our relatives and friends, after all it is said that charity begins closer to home! This is Islam under the 'Magic Carpet' where if religion is a thing that money could buy than the rich would live and the poor would die, My brother died in poverty and worse yet a very broken hearted man defeated in every respect, his self esteem robbed by his wife who brought in the man she remarried to live under the same roof with him and his children and grandchildren, his health from so much physical pain that and most of all his heart broken by the fact that his own brothers and sisters paid no mind much less help to ease his burden while he was alive.
And whose fault was it??
I may not be able to tie my turban like the Arabs do or read the Koran in its original text but this much I can say, if the Holy prophet were alive today he too would not want to hang around too long and watch his Ummah go down the tubes. Allah forgive me for my doubts, not in Him but in His so called devotees, not in the mountains and the rivers but in my fellow human beings especially those that dare declare themselves Muslims!The Rasul of Allah is said to have said that of all mankind only about 70,000 are true Believers in Islam and the rest are well, the rest... 70.000 out of billions and billions!!! In one season at the Haj in Mekah alone there is often not less than two million of Allah's faihtfuls! maybe the prophet did not really said it in all seriousness, maybe He was being skeptical of the people of his time.