Return from Terengganu

Drove all night long from Kuala Terengganu to Penang with my two children who were asleep most of the trip. I like driving at night for long distances as it is alot more cooler ans alot less traffic and not so hard on the vehicle good on gas mileage as you do not the air condition. By the grace of God all went smoothly not bad for a Kancil that has been battered front and back not a month ago. The only regret I ahve is that soemwhere along the line someone got into my wallet and removed two hudred Ringgit which left me with only one left to keep all three of us alive for the next few weeks until the next income werever that may come from Wallah wa'Allam.

Having had the opportunity to met up with my friends and relatives in Kuala Terengganu I feel like I have reconnected with my not too distant past having lived there for a number of years while my wife was teaching at KUSZA. This has been one of my ongoing plan in life as my lifestyle dictates that I am a Gypsy, a man without a home and my children may well end up without a country. I take life as i have mentioned earlier as an experiment and an experiment has to have method and a conclusion including datas collected and observations made over a period of time. Thus my effort to move around and continue on keeping and ongoing journal is very much part of the story of my life, not as adventurous as i might had hope for ans sometimes even simply mundane in nature, but it is still an effort at self discovery, getting to know who I am, how far or how near am i from my original intention when I realized i had. To live life to the fullest as an Artist. I accept it that in more than many ways I have failed to be a good father and a good husband, often ebough even a good friend, these are my weaknesses and I have to continue on living from experiences and learn to mend my ways as best i could.

I have almost completed this canvas of life adding and deleting things that matters and those that don't. I keep on making new friends ans learning from them the tricks of the trade in order to survive with my two teenagers. Of myself there is little left to be so excited or worry too much about but my two children's lives are of prime concern ans thus I will go on striving for their sake lest they find at the end of the day that their father was a looser. Me two older sisters have been very supportive of me and my struggles as though they see something in what i am or what my journey in this life is all about. I love them both and am hoping that before they exit this life they will be able to see some measure of success in the way I had chosen to live life. One of my observation having met and enjoyed my relatives and friends like in the good old days is that very little has changed about how people live. The same old problems, the same old routine, the same old joys with very little progress in changes. It seems that there is some comfort in this although when I look at it from my own perspective I know i will not feel the fullfillment of having lived a full life if I too live like this.

Allah is the Ultimate Tester, He disposes of what man proposes but it is man that carve himself out of the block of his destiny creating life, making it more interesting and exciting, challenging and even inspiring. Having acquired knowledge limited as it is, having experienced life no matter how insignificant it may seem, having tasted the fruits success and failures it is imperative that I learn to give back what has been blessed to me from my Lord. To share all my findings and insights with all those who care to read my blog or view my art journals, listen to what i can afford to share with them in person or simply be able to watch how i deal with my day to day living. I do not recommend that me way is any better than the next achiever but I am all I have got and what I have achieved may be something that might help someone else to see what is there for them in dealing with their lives. To not let financial situations dictate how you live is a safe way today for most people but most fall prey to becoming servants of their wealth rather than the master. To frown upon those who do not make the best of their life or opportunities that it has to offer is alot easier than to take their hands in yours and lead them out of their misery even just for a moment in time. To be able to perform one single costructive and creative effort towards the betterment of one self or in others in one say everyday is a goal worthy of a man of knowledge, even if it is this simple act of writing a blog and sharing with humanity an experience or an incident that might let them see something that was not in their conciousness before.

As the Buddha was said to have said, "Don't waste life", for life is more precious than we are let to believe, for only in this human form can man attain his salvation no matter what he is, a Muslim or a Hindu or a Chinese. Even if one does not have faith in any form of religion or spirituality, to practice what is good and diplore what is evil is common to us all and to waste our time in this life without giving it all that we've got and making the best out of what it has to offer is meaningless existance. Wealth an poverty are two sides of a coin and thus they are relative to one another, there is not one without the other. A man may have all the financial security in his life but his virutes may be questionable does not make a walthy man, nor a pauper who lacks the will to better his conditons by any means available to him makes him an elegant beggar. Self discovery means to measure oneself i terms of how far or how near one has arrived at being called 'Al-Insan Kamil' or the perfect man or the wholesome caracter. The journey is that of a seeker seeking ways and means at arriving at His door after being left to wander through this life with all its trials and travailations, removing one veil after another only to be blinded by the next from seeing his objective, this is my journey, this is what I carry in my mind ans in my heart wherever I am.