My salary came and went

My son needs a new set of school uniforms and my daughter spent RM150 buying the things needed for her school activities. I paid all my small debts I had incurred the past month in trying to make sure that they have what they needed for their daily spendings. Its down to earth economics and as can be expected it exceeds my income. Now I have barely enough to see me through till the next paycheck much less to spend on getting my works framed for the upcoming solo exhibition.
Again swallowing my pride I have shamelessly appealed to a few of my friends abroad for a little financial help towards getting my exhibition fulfilled as it is my dream project. This included approaching my son in the US for his help, so far I got two offers from friends both in Japan and the US. These are individuals who have been more than a family towards my family and I over the years since we met. I am not proud of the fact that I am becoming an international beggar just to get my show going but again life is an experiment and as such nothing is to be overlooked or disregarded. If i have to beg in order to get my dream fulfilled than beg I must. I have not asked my closer family and relatives for help as I am weary of their sentiments although I did approach one of my nephews who is doing quite well in Kuala Lumpur. So far I have received silence and so be it as now I learn more about who I am and what to expect of being who I am. It is a good gauge in finding out the truth about friends and relatives and what to and not to expect, at least it is a lesson one learns about the meaning of life and dependencies or what the independant really means. Maybe I may sound a little judgemental about it all, well when you expose yourself it is bound to reveal the uglies as well as the beauties about yourself and this you have to accept as part of life and the effort to towards purification.
Looking at it all from my spiritual practice I cn see why the Buddha had adviced one to become a mendicant monk in this life begging for life. It is a very strong form of pratice in order to curb your ego from becoming over inflated with pride and other forms of negative traits such as greed and dellusions. If and when my show has become a successful reallity I know who or what it takes to achieve this, it is not my talent alone nor my efforts or financial wellbeing that is solely responsible for the success, it is a shared effort. It is a shared effort of those who cared not just for me but for my talent as an artist. for the sake of Art and the Human Mind.These are individuals who values the creative spirit and willing to overlook the human frailties that accompanies the creator. In the spiritual sense they are willing to overlook my weaknesses and support my quest for a spiritual liberation through my works.
But who is kidding who? I am living in a dream and a dreamer I have always been thinking that I can breeze through this life with ease and colorful episodes. Life is a bitch and then you die without finishing the very goal you set to reach for. You end up drowning into the quaigmire your very own creation. Hopes are for the birds and prayers are for the hereafter. Despair and gloom looms at the horizon with every rise of the morning sun. Today only faith hangs precariously, faith in the compassion of the AlMighty and those who cares. This alone keeps me from scrapping my show. The faith that others have in my abilities and my dedications towards what I consider as the meaning of life and living. Sharing it all with the world as one more isolated incident in space and time, this is my ultimate contribution to humanity, sharing my strength and limitations my successess and failures. This is my story to be handed down to my children and their children just in case one day any one of them decided to know their history or what it takes to have an insatiable creative drive; to have a dream.
What does it takes to become a Rennaisance man I had often asked myself naively in my younger days. To be knowledgeable matters of spirituality as in metaphysics and to be able to run a hazardous waste facility as in mechanics and engineering, to understand human interactions as in living among many cultures and cultivating close bonds or relationship that earned respect and integrity and las tbut not least in being a good artist all around. Perhaps this is a very shallow manner of looking a what it is that makes a complete person but so far whatever I have set out to accomplish whether it is cleaning someone else's toilet or laying an in insence on the Altar or Manjushri I have done it all with a concious mind towards acheiving a right understanding of the meaning of life and practice.