My Wife Nancy

I imagine you sit alone in your room often enough thinking of us perhaps if your mind is not far too gone to temember us, but we think and pray for you daily, we love you and will do all we can to be with you someday even if you have no memory of who we are.
We miss you, the children may not show it but I know they are doing their best to face the painful fact of their lives, their present and future and I have no answers for them except the fact that all is meant to be, It is Allah's will and we are His servant doing His bidding in this life. Perhaps it may sound like an escape to most western minds but I must declare that all that has transpired in my life is meant to be, a lesson in gettinhg to meet the Lord of Truth. I have been seeking throughout my life for the meaning of my life, why I am who I am and thus far have come to my knees banging on the door of the Al'Mighty for His infinite mercy and thankful for having been chosen to record my life for the sake of my children and grand children. What good is your life if it cannot be shared for its beauty and glory its pain and sufferings in the eye of the Lord.
He created man in His Image and awarded him with the one thing no other living soul posseses the capacity for Compassion, for Love and Devotion, He created me through His breath and His Creative Spirit. I am who I am, created to walk my life through from the day I was conceived till the day I am in my grave. I am on my journey to meet my Creator, my Lord and Master and He is running to meet me.
I have not become all Muslimised or trying to scare you as a Muslim bad guy out to blow up market places to proof a point, No I am a seeker who is almost home with what he has been seeking.
I am drinking sips of LIVITA (Honey)while a loud Bangladeshi is on the phone next door, the Muezzin is calling the faithful to their needs on the loud speaker from a nearby Mosque and the kids are doing battle on the computer behind me, I am at home! Allah is the Lord of Power, the Great, there is none, only Allah is to be worship. It took me a long time of long and windy roads for me to discover myself, for who or what I am, I have been down there as low as any man can get and I have climbed way up there where few I dare say touched in their single life span, and I have not even yet started. This included visiting Chinese and Hindu Temples, studying the Tao Te Ching and the Gita, meeting with great men and sharing my life with the women in my life. All along the way I have questioned my Lord, challenged Him, Tempt Him all for no apparent excuse, I became a Munafik a shirik, I was totally lost into the vortex of this physical life. While spinning in this crazy vortex that I met you in San Francisco, "We were two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl...year after year..." It was in 1998 I will never forget the great quake that hit the Bay Area during while the World series was about to take off between the SanFrancisco Giants against the Oakland A's. I was then living on Mission Street at what used to be the Sear's Roebuck department store, latter converted into the Unemployement Office, I shared a studio with another Artist while working as a produce buyer for Del Tomasso.
Its not it was love at first sight between us we both knew it at least I can still remember our life together spent at 191, Haight Street, in down town San Francisco.
Remember the Zen Center at 300, page street and David Carlson and Blanch! Remember Harold and Noreen and Elyeze and doctor Samuel Kawamoto(sam). Remember all those accupuncture sessions and me becoming the willing pin cusion to be practiced on? You were teaching ESL at the UCBerkley Extension on Market Street. You were well oved by all your foreign students, you were their favorite. I hold great pride in your dedication to teaching. The Malay students at KUSZA in Kuala Terengganu used to tease you as looking Angelic when you walk down the hallway in your colorful baju kurung and tudung. You have worked very hard and with dedication most of the life that I have known you. Youy deserve better than to simply vegitate away at the prime of your life and i am helpless to do a damn thing about it. I have played myself into the hands of fate, I have tempted fate a bit too far, but it is not over till the fat lady sings and I am not about to quit just yet, I just have to readjust a few strategies and rebound soon enough and all through I have found my true energy and devotion to the One, the Al'Mighty most Merciful and Compassionate, I found Allah again.