The Words from Columbia Illinois - posted 18/6/2005

The year 2004? was a time of trials and tribulations for the Bahari family as a whole. My wife, Nancy, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's or possibly rapid dementia and was fast losing her mind, and at the suggestion of her mother, I should send her home to Illinois where she can get better care and medical attention than she would in Malaysia. Due to the strict travel restrictions imposed by the US government in the aftermath of the September 11 tragedy, I was not able to follow her on the trip, and so she was accompanied by our two children, aged 11 and 12 back then. It was by the mercy of the Lord that they made it all the way to the destination without any mishap. I trusted them in making the trip as they have been through the airport on many occasions. It was no easy decision, but it had to be done. The memory of looking into my wife's almost lifeless eyes and telling her not to worry that I will take care of her children no matter what happens, and then watching them depart into the boarding gate at KLIA was surreal! I felt a hollowness in the pit of my stomach as I walked out of the airport, not believing what was happening to my family. This was the moment of the greatest test for me, as I am sure it was more so for them, too. My children, with their sick mother, were too much for my mother-in-law to handle, and she decided that they should return to Malaysia. I could understand her predicament, and any chance of my joining them was slim, as the Immigration policy at the US Embassy was immovable. 

Got word today that my children, who had accompanied their ailing mother to her parents' home in Illinois, USA, will be returning to Malaysia on the 24th. And that's less than a week from now. I also learned that I have to go back to Terengganu and secure their letters of transfer of schools from their former shcool to give them to the schools here in Penang. So what if you have to go to Terengganu or Timbuuktoo!! I am getting tired of putting all my thoughts down like an addict who cannot stop smoking. Who is out there reading these daily moaning and groaning of a wiped out! flat on his butt of an Artist World traveller cum Mystic man wanna be, what a bloody waste of time and precious space in the all ready crowded Super Highway, Cyber Space, whatever.

Have you been following my ramblings? Who are you, and what do you think? What would you have done if you were in my shit right now?! Hello! Is there anybody out there?

So I will book a ticket for tomorrow night's bus to Kuala Terengganu I am used to it, travelling that is, I just dont feel right sitting in one place for too long, its the Gypsy blood in me and dont ask me from whose side it comes. I am used to staring out of bus windows at streaks of green passing by as we drive up into the Central range of the Malay Peninsular. I am used to having wild dreams and fantasies raging through my mind as we drove through the night towards the next destination, never forgetting to wear a thick sweater, for it can be chilly in the bus.

What have I learned from my ten-day spin from Medan to Bukit Tinggi to Padang and back? Like my friend David C mentioned, it could turn out into a bum trip. What is it that I come back with, what in me changed? What did the trip do for me? Not a thing? I am no more a better or richer man, nor can I say that my sense of pride in the Art of Travelling has now been compromised. I am sure it's no one's fault that I failed to learn to appreciate all the little gestures that most of the Indonesians have offered all along the way, the smiles, and treating me with honor and dignity worthy of a visiting dignitary. It's just not the same anymore or maybe I just had a great time but did not want to admit it! If I am allowed to with my children, I would gladly move to one of the smaller towns in Indonesia, or perhaps like Payakumbuh, where all the beauties and wonders of nature and man exist side by side. A place filled with Mysticism and belief in the 'Alam Gahib' or spiritual world. Carl G.Jung once said something like, Mankind has lost its sense of Awe and Wonder of Nature. Man has fallen asleep in this Land of Maya, he is dreaming of himself dreaming in this Land of MAYA, of Dreams!

Well, it looks now like I've got to get used seen and being seen in the neighborhood of my childhood days, River Road at SungeiPinang. Most of the faces I have seen so far do not look the least familiar, and most are young and look like they run the hood. Oh, well, might as well get used to it I hope that my two children will not have too much difficulty adapting to the change. I am not too worried about my daughter I believe she can handle herself, but my son might find it harder, it's good for character building, change is. So long as the change does not cause too much strain on your budget and on relationships or on the physical and mental health, or their sense of belonging. I highly doubt that if it had been other kids, they would have been able to take on the trip to accompany a sick mother on a long journey involving boarding two different planes to get to, and they were just out of primary school. I personally had to bear the frown of many friends and relatives upon how Ihad handled the whole situation, but I trusted in my Lord. A part of me said it will all work out and it was all meant to be.