Good bye wife, good bye kids

My wife and kids are now in the US, Colombia, Illinois to be exact and I am sorry for them more than feeling relief at having them make the trip. I wish to God that there are other solutions to our predicament but as my eldest brother always liked to remind me in the past , I am the one who asked for it all and so I am to blame. My family left on the night of the 10th of May taking the Korean Airlines from KLIA in Kuala Lumpur. To see them off were my cousin Zakaria and his family and my friend Raof who drove us from Kuala Terengganu to KL in his Mercedes. I thought of sending them off in comfort rather than have them travel by bus and suffer the tedious ride.
Saying goodbye to them at the airport was not easy but I had to put on a brave look and bear the silent pain. I keep reminding myself that it was for the best of everyone.
My son carried two thousand US dollars in his wallet and most probably felt like a big man walking through the metal detectors and security systems and my wife looked just as lost and distant which made me wanted to reach out and touch her but I know she will recoil for some inner odd reasons. Eversince she fell ill she has drawn away from me emotionally and sometimes I would hold her to myself only when she was asleep. I feel like I am loosing a piece of myself and I am helpless to do a damn thing about it. My daughter is my hope for holding the family together as I felt my strength in her in dealing with the situation. She keeps her emotions in check very well and is quite alert in spotting changes and the need to act accordingly. If nothing else she can handle her brother.
I managed to sell the damaged car for not too bad a price and spent the money purcahsing the family's needs for the trip and then some. I kept some for myself as I do not know where or what will be my next move. For me going back to the US in the near future is out of the question even if the American Consulate in KL would offer me a visas immediately which is most highly unlikely. My mother in law too has sounded her concern that my going back there would not be advisible as she is having a hard time dealing with my family as it is. So I am here, a bachelor not by choice but by necessity and so I will have to set about planning how I would be spending my time in the next few years untill such time that God decides if and when I see my children again.
I will have to let go of them and for the time being focus on my immediate future, for the past thirteen years I have devoted my life and time to raising my children and it has been quite an experience after traversing three countries and living the life in three different cultures and religious background. Today I am sitting here asking myself what do I want to do? What is there out there that is worth the time and trouble to quest for. And the answer is Indonesia! I have always dreamt of exploring the country and its people and this is my opportunity to do so and perhaps in the process discover some form of business that I can generate to create an income out of it. An so the chances are the next time you hear from me might be from a small town in South Sumatra or in Medan. The travels of the Cheeseburger Buddha is about to begin and stick with me and you might learn a thing or two yet.