Where is these leading me up to? Why the need to become so immersed into this self seeking, self, realization, this years of 'soul searching towards realizing the truth of what it is all about? It is because this is all that is of vital interest and importance for me; to make sense out of all the nonsense and embrace the right understanding of the meaning of my existence on this plane. I am endowed with this sense faculties that demands to be ultimately used to the best of my ability as a thinking entity; "I think, therefore I am." to quote Descarte, I believe he was partly right. However what happens when I stop thinking, which most spiritual practitioners ancient and modern yogi has been trying to achieve myself included. Perhaps many have succeeded in this quest during their lifetime, some for a moment in time while others throughout their lives or so them claim. The silencing of the mind is the cessation of thought formations, the pausing of the flow of life that enables for change to happen for better or worse. Just like when we shift the gear from one to another speed, there is a brief moment of neutrality, so does the mind when making a change of subject, there is pause in between.
In this state neutrality there is the possibility of catching a glimpse of what is, an insight into reality that is clear and lucid even if it is strictly personal in nature and brief in moment. This is my understanding, of what i have been striving to attain on my road towards my own salvation; if it benefits me in some small way it will help benefit others in the course of their lives, those who cross my path in one form or another. Many strive to attain the "Creative spirit" or creative mind, seeking to find the originality and the genuine, but few has taken the mantle to do so without giving up. I do not intend to give up my quest, futile and idiotic as it may seem, I intend to untangle the tangle and enlighten my spirit before the end of my days. If I cannot attain enlightenment and libraton in this lifetime, I would deem my life as it is a total waste of space and time. I deserve to be thrown into the avichi hell.