Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Taking the next Leap of Faith.

It is as though every time i approach the edge and about to take that leap of faith into the unknown i find myself pulled back by some form of attachment or some form vexation to this realm of my existence. These phenomenal experiences have strong holds on me often enough as they involves the ones i love most and care about at the present moment in my life. There are times when i felt like taking a blind leap into the abyss and merge into the unknown of what lies before me, within and without. But i have been holding myself back for whatever reason and it seems like it is becoming a form of procrastination, or perhaps i am becoming cold with comfort of existing in my present state of mind and well being. I know i will need to take that flight soon before i am stuck for good in this rut and unable to break myself free from the tedium of growing old and dying in my bed not having fulfilled my journey of liberation from this realm of mind created existence.
I have to free myself from flip flopping back and forth between this and that, right and wrong and have the courage to let it all go as I had more than once in my past intended to do but for one reason of another faltered and regressed. I know i have to take that final leap and not look back and it will have to be soon as i feel my life winding down with chest pains and what ever else going on within my physical form. I am getting tired more easily and my muscles aches all over from lack of movement. My eyes are cloudy like i am  walking in haze covered landscape, I need to visit the Optometrist or adjust to the changes as i know i cannot afford the cost in my present financial state and it does not really worry me the lose of my eyesight gradually as i have seen enough, more than my share with them, perhaps it is a blessing that i start seeing less as i get into my old age. 
As for my children, both of them have made their choices to leave home and embark upon their own journey and I am confident that they will both learn to survive on their own without my being around to prop then up every time they made the wrong turn. They have grown up tough and perhaps even as wise as the old man and are a source to be reckoned with in their own ways. I have led them thus far to the water's edge, it is up to them to drink or not to where knowledge, belief or faith is concern; the choice to be is theirs as this Blogging itself is testimony of my commitment to all four of my children and perhaps my daughter in law too. What they choose to make of it all is entirely up to them, however it was my intention when i was asked to do it, to write all my thoughts down for better or worse, good or not so, right or wrong, that those who will come after me can benefit in some small way from this ramblings.

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