Rambling over the present state of my mind.

 

"Sunday Morning woke up yawning filled the pool for a swim..." What or who am I still persistently  kept asking, this same simple question for lack or better things to dream about. I kept going down one rabbit hole after another over the years carrying this question like a Koan, a ball of fire under my belly, burning painfully for an answer; the Ultimate and Complete Truth... the Nature of who I am. I am more than aware that it has become a game to keep my fingers busy and my eyes still alive from seeing the letters and words that are forming as I deal with this simple issue of ,Who Am I? I realize that its beginning to sound worse than a broken record, but it is what it is, if one has an understanding of what Koan is in the Zen Buddhist tradition, one would appreciate better of what it means for me in my practice to have a dream/fantasy journey of 'Self Discovery.' A never ending story of one's own and shared with the entire Internet Plane of Humanity. The numbers are exciting even if they are meaningless for what i am doing or hoping to achieve. Looking at it from my mental health point of view, I must say I have been writing more and more about myself, my thoughts and dreams and so fort, who I cheated on and whose life i destroyed, whose confidence I betrayed, and the list can go on and I say to myself with whole hearted surrender, "Guilty as Charged to every count Your Honor!" Yes, before i end this Ramblings for good and move on to the next plane of existence, I would like to try and savor what it is like to become fully awakened and touch the veil of Enlightenment.

The answer, the simple truth to the significance of this Koan is right before my wyes and has been there all these while, however I had to take many detours getting to where i am at and along these side roads and byways I saw myself more and more as I become a witness to life unfolding before me; in moment like these I would kick myself a kick in the butt to wake up from the Illusion that i am being sucked into as I slowly lull to sleep. On a personal level I would take a walk or a shower or simply take a nap, however on the spiritual level I would write it all down as I am doing right at this moment. 

 "It's a long, long Road,

From which there is no return!

That takes us to where, who knows where?!..." 

With age and some understanding of the nature of what it is to be human with mindfulness practice of loving Kindness towards others especially those in need, I have come to accept the fact that I am now in a state of simply living life while preparing for the inevitability of facing old age and what it entails. There is no turning back and all the bridges have been burned behind me, there is only stepping forward with a more careful steps and lighter load on my back and in my mind; a step towards enlightenment? It seems like there really is no perfect way to live except through making imperfect choices and honest errors, each one of us has his or her own way in the hope of living the perfect life; what is perfect life? I often ask myself and honestly accept that my life after all these years now that I am approaching the final chapters of my days, I find that there is really good answer except that for me if one average happiness more so than sadness, do more good deeds than destructive ones, have more sympathetic/compassionate feelings than than self serving mentality, chances are one is living or have lived a good life. The less regrets one have the more positive an indicator that one is living or has lived a good life and being able to look back with a smirk or a laughter at what has been or what could have been, expressing thank you Lord for all the blessings that You have bestowed upon this undeserving servant of yours, this is like a bonus added to your life well lived. 

Maintaining a lucid mind, being able to drive in heavy traffic, being able to cook and do dishes and laundry, making it a daily practice to feed the pigeons and water the plants every morning is considered to be an accomplishment for a man my age or so they keep saying on You Tube. I am addicted to Internet in more than one way and it has been a very crucial part of my life considering the number of hours I spend everyday surfing the net for one reason or another. It is ironic that for one who meditates to remove the cluttering of images and information and various other thought formations, I am addicted to the Internet, to You Tube, to Netflix and a host of podcasts so much so that by right I should be having a mental overload by now. I consider my mind still lucid for whatever it is worth and as a matter of fact i find my mind more so expressive than it has ever been. It makes more sense too than it has ever been and it is perhaps because of my more intense and focused meditative practices which includes mindfulness walking and how i relate to others on top of my daily sittings, my mind it seems has become more resilient and tolerant towards whatever i encounter on the external; I much less judgmental and not easily prone to anger and if I find myself succumbing to the negative self expressions i would find myself immediately asking God for forgiveness even for having the thoughts let alone give it expression. What can i say at the age of 75! I have lived it my way?! 

Is life a waste of time? To some it is and to others it is not as it a relative issue depending upon the state of mind and existence the individual finds himself or if he even cares to ask himself such a question. Asking the question itself would be a waste of time to most people, like spends day and night trying to answer a question like, what is life, or who an I or why am I here, is there God? No God? what is sin? Why is life considered suffering? In order to keep a lucid mind I ask myself these simple questions and make it a challenge for the mind like a Zen Koan. When the mind becomes lazy, when it stops looking for answers or simply allow for things to slide and live a life of a drifter, having no motivations or goals, no sense of Purpose, Love and of appreciation of Beauty, then I would worry about my state of mind. 

My state of mins is of late pretty much occupied with the suffering that is happening to humanity all around the Globe. With the exposure accorded by the Internet and other various media services, it is hard not to be affected by what is happening. "If you can pluck the lotus without wetting the fingers, you would not be affected by life's trials and tribulations, so says most of the religious teachings, however it is easier said than done. "Life is suffering," said the Buddha and he also said, "None who suffers." I am still figuring that one out.

Rambling on about insignificant matters...

 

                                        A Farmer looking at some Tools on Chulia Street, Georgetown

He who truly knows Allah will love Him, worship Him and show Ikhlass (sincerity) towards Him.

Ikhlass (sincerity) is like Jannah (Heaven) for a Mu&"men. It is the soul of the pious and a secret between Allah and His slave. Ikhlass thwarts evil thoughts and Shaytan&"s (Satan) whispers to the slave. It means directing all of your actions to Allah and no one else. The Mu&"men must not seek the pleasure of anything or anyone except Allah. He must never seek praise or tributes from people, but always expect rewards from only Him alone.

"Say O Prophet, He is the One and Indivisible, Lord of Creation, Lord of mercy and Compassion, The Creator of the heavens and the Earth....Allahu Akhbar!

A Wannabe Rock Star who fell short of his Aim, at Mike's Place on Love Lane, Georgetown,Pg.

Al Ikhlas means 'The Sincere', the pure and the Blameless. These are the attributes of The Lord among the One Hundred Beautiful Names that the One goes by. The perfect man lives by these attributes thus emulating Allah's Image, Al Insan Kamil is he who bears the attributes and virtues of the Divine completely with knowing it, he closest to the Prophets and Mystiques, but he is unaware of his status and continues to live like a beggar on the sidewalk of life. Be as it may that life is an illusion, that all that can be heard, seen and taste are all nonexistent except in the mental faculty or the conditioned mind. You see and and experience what is before you and behind you, above and below you and you experience what is within you and without and at the end of the day you drop dead and just before, you have a replay of your live like a documentary on a  slide show on a screen=wall. Each passing image triggers all kinds of thoughts and emotions within you, like good bad, guilt and happiness and you are entertained to the very creation of space and time if you had understood thus far and if you don't it stops there right where you are  supposed to be and realizing that ' In the End Nothing Really Matters!' 

Aspiring to become a Man of wisdom and knowledge with the heart of Love! Kasih!

Created in the Image of his Maker, perfect man maintains his composure under any circumstances filling the role he is created to play while dancing to the rhythm that Universe is vibrating on. I am not and never claim to be a preacher or even pious by the right sense of the word, but i like to try my best to remain genuine and sincere, especially in my faith and fortitude towards my Lord and Creator. The Lord is ONe and only ONE; I do not exist!

The Lord does not need to justify His presence not to any other than Himself. Not believing in Him does not hurt Him in any way. The sooner I learn to surrender to this simple truth the better for me to find more peace and tranquility within and without without any fear or guilt for my actions; I am not the doer of my actions, I am my Lord's instrument in action.

"According to George Sale, this chapter is held in particular veneration by Muslims, and declared, by Islamic tradition, to be equal in value to a third part of the whole Quran.^[3][4][5] It is said to have been revealed during the Quraysh Conflict with Muhammad in answer to a challenge over the distinguishing attributes of God, Muhammad invited them to worship.^[6]

Al-Ikhlas is not merely the name of this surah but also the title of its contents, for it deals exclusively with Tawhid. The other surahs of the Quran generally have been designated after a word occurring in them, but in this surah the word Ikhlas has occurred nowhere. It has been given this name in view of its meaning and subject matter."- -- Wikipedia.

  

  

Surah AlFalak or the The Dawn verse for removing the veils,{of ignorance}

 Al-Falaq or The Daybreak^[1] (Arabic: ٱلْفَلَقِ, al-falaq) is the 113th and penultimate chapter (sūrah) of the Qur'an. Alongside the 114th surah (Al-Nas), it helps form the Al-Mu'awwidhatayn. Al-Falaq is a brief five ayat (verse) surah, asking God for protection from evil:

۝^[2] Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak,^{[3][o 1]}

۝ From the evil of His creation ^{[p 1]}

۝ And from the evil of darkness when it settles^{[q 1]}

۝ And from the evil of the blowers in knots^{[5][r 1]}

۝ And from the evil of an envier when he envies.^[3][9]

One of my most favorite surah is the Al Falak or The Dawn and this I had memorized since I was a boy learning how to pray at the mosque on Fridays growing up in Sungai Pinang among my Muslim Brothers and sisters and the rest of the relatives and friends. I am emphasizing this detail simply because i was raised a Buddhist at the same time as the Devil they say is in the details read my Blog! This short surah was among the five surah I had memorized just to qualify for a complete prayer. But as I got to learn the meaning of what is revealed I held on to it as part of my armor to shield myself against evil or negative forces. I grew up in a mangrove swamp or tidal wave coastal area and the rest I leave it up to one's imagination or read my Blog for more details. So why did I chose to learn a few verses from the Quran was because I grew up having to deal with being afraid of the dark and needed some form of security blanket. On many occasions reciting this verse had kept me from harms way throughout my life. I can say this is one of the verses hat had kept me close to Allah {SWT}. I realize that I cannot urge my friends to learn this short verse especially if they are not Muslims for the benefit I have discovered for myself over the years and still does; learn this verse it is one of the most protective prayer seeking refuge in the All Mighty Lord of The Worlds from all kinds of seen and unseen attacks and evil intentions that we face with every moment for as long as we are breathing in and out often unknowingly, unconsciously.

We are very fragile creatures and we don't know how fragile we are until we run short of breath and struggling to take the next inhalation to happen but it did not come, and you panic, and you catch yourself and calm down the mind from loosing it, you take a slow breath and recite the first verse that comes to mind and you surrender yourself to whatever next ...innalillahi wainnalillahi rajiun, From You i came, unto You I return...I Am No More. It is much better than "OH shit!" or "OH My God!" ...I can keep going on when it comes the subject of death but I will stop here and move on. The next less negative subject than Death is Fear! All my life I have had to deal with my Fears. I keep on writing about it over and over just so I can makes sense out of it, so that I less haunted by it so that I can claim for my self back the Devine Nature in me. I am more than meets than meets the eye, at least i keep reminding myself this that I am Whole, Complete and Perfect! Strong and Powerful! Loving and Compassionate! Harmonious and Happy! And I can do what I Will to Do! Insha'Allah! So Help me God. Just to be reminded it took 75 odd years to realize something so simple as this, 

Part of why I write what I am writing thus far is because I am in a way answering those who wantonly criticize religions and faith of others and have the audacity to make claims over claiming the existence of God or otherwise making a mockery out of religious practices of others and so forth on the Internet. I always believe having a healthy respect of other people's faith and believes. There no right or wrong religion and no right or wrong faith, to me there is only Faith, Unconditional Faith and I have my faith in the few verses of the Quran and would recite them in my times of need and my meditation periods. As a Buddhist one would take refuge in the Triple Jewels, The Buddha, Dharma and Sangha! As a Christian we take refuge in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and as in Hinduism there are millions of Gods and Deities one can take refuge or take protection from. In Christianity, the Crucifix is a potent Symbol of The Lord's Divine Power in this material realm but in Islam there is no symbol to cling on to or make a crutch out of; all there is, is only unconditional faith and complete surrender to your Maker. 

"I seek Refuge in the Lord of Dawn!,

From the Evil of His C[c]reation!"

Try to wrap the full meaning of these first two lines of the Surah around your head. The Lord of Daybreak, the Lord of Dawn, the Lord of the Rising Sun or Sunrise! It is a matter of interpretation to each an individual mind and most minds simply do not think about it, not

anymore. Suria Namaskar or salutations to the Sun every morning is a very good form of Yoga exercise to start the day whereas the Muslims have the Subuh or Fajr prayer to perform just as the Sun is about to rise. 

'From the E{e}vils of His C[c}reation.

Off course God creates evil although not in His image still there is not a thing that is not God created, good and evil included. Man has free choice and intelligence and he is put in this world as an expression, a manifestation,  as an actor in part of a divine play: man is expendable. His ticket out of this predicament is through waking up to the reality of his life, his existence, Who is he? Who Am I? 'He who knows himself knows his Lord.' Getting to really know the Lord one has to awaken to what this creation is all about. It is allot of work to get there for most as it has taken 75 odd yrs. for me and still I am drifting sometimes in the dark loosing my sight of the light.  

    

 

What is the benefit of the Ayat Kursi - If you think you know Islam.

 Allahu laaa ilaaha illaa huwal haiyul qai-yoom; laa taakhuzuhoo sinatunw wa laa nawm; lahoo maa fissamaawaati wa maa fil ard; man zallazee yashfa'u indahooo illaa be iznih; ya'lamu maa baina aideehim wa maa khalfahum; wa laa yuheetoona beshai 'immin 'ilmihee illa be maa shaaaa; wasi'a kursiyyuhus samaa waati wal arda wa la ya'ooduho hifzuhumaa; wa huwal aliyyul 'azeem.

Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor Sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as he permits? He knows what (appears to His creatures As) Before or After or Behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He wills. His throne doth extend over the heavens and on earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them, For He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory)."

It is said that Ayat Kursi is one of the most powerful verse in the Holy Quran in terms of its ability to ward off evil and also the deep significance of its meaning, 

For the past few months I have been making an effort to memorized this verse and one of the ways this happens is by listening to it on the You Tube repeatedly every night before i fall asleep. I have always held that this verse holds the potent energy that deters if not expels any negative anergy that seeks to impose their presence on to me or my home and family and thus by playing by on the I-pad while I sit and meditate helps to keep my mind from being pulled away from my focus or concentration and also helps to guard me against any 'spiritual attacks' by negative elements. I truly believe in this protective capability of the verses in the Quran mostly through personal experiences over the years of my life. As a teenager I experienced a 'demonic attack' that happened as soon as I was about to fall asleep. It came in the form of a buzzing sound in my ears and it would grow louder and louder and this happened aver a long period of time like a few months. I was scared in the beginning but after a while i got used to it and eventually even got to look forward to it, often saying to myself ,Oh oh, here it comes. I would feel like there was an entity laying on top of me and I was helpless even tried as I would to fight it off but only to wake up sweating and finding myself not moved at all from the position I was in when I was fell asleep. It eventually came to the state when I started hearing a voice screaming loud in my ear saying that it was going to kill me and this was when I freaked out and fought back with the verses from the Quran especially calling out the Azan, the phenomena stopped after I started reciting the verses every time I was attacked. This episode happened when I was attending high school while living in Kuala Terengganu and it was then that i was converted to Islam and had learned to recite a few verses of the Quran which was mandatory for the purpose of performing the Salat. I also had joined the Malay Art of Self Defense where we were required to recite a few relevant verses for the purpose of protection while performing our practices. It was being involved with the martial art training that gave me the courage to fight back these attacks and putting an end to it. 

As part of the initiation into the spiritual nature of the Martial Art or Silat Seni Gayong as it was called, I was allowed to go through a ritual where I was introduced to a spiritual guide or partner and this involved the recitation of verses from the Quran. It was during this ritual that i first felt what it was like to be possessed and the feeling of being in a vacuum and out the body state of consciousness. I have related this event previously in this Blog and so I will not delve much further into it. However the experience left me to have strong believe in the fact that the verses from the Holy Quran carries a lot of weight when recited with strong conviction and purpose, it has its own power and energy that can thwart away any danger from happening to you. This is why most Muslim would recite, BismillahirRahman nir Rahim  before making any decision or take any action even to eat or to leave the house. It is most advisable to recite pertinent verses before one goes to sleep as this is when one is most vulnerable to various forms of attacks by negative forces like what is known as Incubus and Succubus, bad spirits that take advantage of one while asleep.[Google it}. Verses from the Quran when recited with strong faith and determination can heal or even remove entities that possesses an individual as in an exorcism, however one has to be truly strong in one's believe and faith to do so and the Ayat Kursi is one of the most potent and commonly used verse for this purpose. 

"In the Islamic faith, there are many verses from the Quran that hold immense significance and are believed to possess great power and blessings. One such verse is Ayatul Kursi, which is often referred to as the Throne Verse. This powerful verse is found in Surah Al-Baqarah and is recited by Muslims around the world for its spiritual benefits and protection." 

No, no, I am not interested in convincing anyone if Islam is the best religion or the right one. That is for each and everyone to go and discover what is and what is not the right religion or faith for them. If there is any advise I would share is to at least find out and not assume or take others' words for it. One has to make the effort to want to discover the simple truth for oneself  and if nothing else find out what it is all about so you can share with your children or the younger generation who one comes into contact with. There is many today expressing themselves on the Mass media like You Tube and Face Book regarding the existence of God like they have the authority {God Given} to do so. Most of these individuals are young and have not earned the rites of passage to do so as it takes more than a lifetime to discover the existence of God unless one is born with the faith of acceptance of the Divine Presence,   

         

The devil is in the details =Jingme Lingpa

 Jigme Lingpa - Dzogchen enlightenment through 6 & 7 chakra activation

There will be no stable transcendental wisdom as prajña and jñana until the 3rd Eye or Wisdom Eye or Divine Eye is activated. All the traditions mention this direct correlation between the activated Wisdom Eye and what’s called “enlightenment”.

This activation can be induced especially through using various forms of sunlight gazing (and thogal), Yangti Dark Retreat, kundalini yoga, pranayama with kumbhaka, nirvikalpa samadhi and spontaneously with or without influence from a realized guru (“realized” meaning “with an activated 3rd eye”).

Thinking, conceptualizing along with self-oriented intentionality, contract the chakras in general and the heart, 3rd eye and crown chakra specifically. This is why ALL the mystical traditions require non-thought and dissolution of the “personal self” illusion.

In absence of all mentation and illusions of personal selfhood; the chakras expand and function naturally, as in very young children prior to being brain-washed and the development of the egoic selfing brain processes.

When the heart chakra is fully open, the wisdom of “no self” appears spontaneously.

When the 3rd Eye is open, clairvoyance and brilliantly sharp wisdoms and intuitions arise, and the ability to see into other dimensions occurs.

When the crown chakra at the fontanelle blossoms open, oneness with the Divine Nature (or Buddha Nature) is revealed along with “out of body experiences” and primordial perfection is then known.

This is like transforming into a butterfly where you had always been trying to fly while still being a caterpillar. When still a caterpillar you think and know with a caterpillar’s brain. For humans this means trying to understand the Absolute with a limited human monkey brain. Activating the higher chakras is knowing via a butterfly’s cognitive faculties.

It’s discovered that the Divine Consciousness has always been one’s unchanging subjective Beingness and awareness. The reason you don’t see this very easily is because you AS the Divine Consciousness already are too busy pretending to be you the “seeker”. (lol!)

“The reason for this is that the ushnisha (upper crown chakra) has no size, but pervades the ultimate expanse. When all the thought constructs (sem) dissolves into the chakra of the ushnisha (upper crown chakra), buddhahood is attained."

Jigme Lingpa

It's a Never Ending Story of Self Discovery.

 Netflix has a Hindi movie entitled Kalki, a fictional story with the main characters based on the Hindu Pantheon of Gods and Deities  from the epic saga called the Mahabharata or the Big War. This movie for those who have some knowledge of the ancient Hindu myth and religious folklore especially the main characters wielding super powers would prove more interesting. However the younger generation today with their absorbed in the video games are less to be interested of the origin of this Netflix movie which is a cross between a Sci-fi and religious revelations created with exotic landscapes and out of this world machineries, purely for good if not somewhat violent entertainment. 

"Following the Kurukshetra War, Ashwatthama attempts to kill Uttarā's unborn child. For committing the act, Krishna, the 8th avatar of Vishnu, curses him to roam the earth as an immortal and witness humanity's misery as a result of societal and moral deterioration during the Kali Yuga. His divine gem is also taken from his forehead, and his redemption is destined to occur only by protecting the mother of Kalki, Vishnu's 10th and final avatar, towards the end of the Kali Yuga.^[c]"  -Wikipedia

Kalki, the tenth Avatar of Lord Vishnu is said to be the final Avatar to walk the earth before its final demise or the end of the Kali Yuga, just as in Buddhism the coming of Lord Maitreya as the final Enlightened being to lead humanity out of the age of chaos and darkness and just as in Christianity the second coming of The Christ and in Islam the coming of the Imam Mahdi. These are the spiritual beings prophesized by each related religion that would appear at the end of time when humanity and the universe will go though a major shift in the form of destruction and rebirth. As in most such cases the devil is in the details and the detail is too long and elaborate to share here, however suffice to say that it is inherent in practically every major faith in humanity there is a coming of a savior in the form of a Great teacher or a prophet or a  spiritual warrior who will lead the faithful away from the enveloping darkness into the light of consciousness. At least this is true for all those who are true believers or have some form of faith in spirituality and the afterlife. For the non believers and the atheists there is not much to talk about and this is not saying that they are wrong or right, it is just as it is. Having faith and believe in God or any form of religious understanding is not an easy thing to explain; it is just a matter of faith. Do man need to have faith? Why? these are not easy questions to answer and most of the time only through personal experience and some intense form of practice and study can one arrive at the truth: "and the truth shall set you free"  

Free from what? Free from suffering off course says the Buddhist and the Hindus and perhaps most other religions. "Hidup ini adalh sengsara," life is suffering in Malay and the word sengsara originates from the Sankrit word Samsara, suffering which also 'Dukha' in the Pali canon. From the day day we were born till the day we die life is suffering and none suffers more than our mother. Hence spiritual or religious practices are mainly aimed at understanding fully the nature of human suffering which the Historical Buddha laid out in The Four Noble Truths of Buddhism. I am not expounding Buddhism and its detailed structure however one can Google it for better understanding if one is interested to know better. Knowledge is said to be wing by which we fly to heaven and ignorance is the weight that drags us down the pit of darkness; most of us today live in ignorance and are satisfied with this state so long as we have enough if not more than what is needed to live. Most have no concept of the awesomeness of being alive, the miracle of simply being able to breath and to walk, most are living in a state of sleepwalking and self denial. This is not good or bad for those who are awakened to the nature of reality and of existence itself as to these minority of humanity there is truly no one who is experiencing this state we call living. In essence we are consciousness manifesting in the form of physical beings with conditioned minds a product of being influenced by our environment and mental perceptions. None is free from this state of existence save those who are fully awakened from the bondage of illusory deep sleep we find ourselves in.

I have found myself repeating this scenario of human existence for years and numerous postings in this Blog for one reason or another. Sometimes for lack of things to write about, sometimes to come to a better understanding of my thoughts on the matter and sometimes simply as a reminder to myself of the intuitions that has emerged from this activity and last but not least to better myself as self expression in the form of good writing. I cannot claim myself a professional writer as my English has yet to be better polished. It is thanks to the Internet that I have been able to come this far, however in the process I have learned more about who I am and how i think and what makes me tick, my strength and my flaws, are exposed by and by, sometimes more than I had anticipated thus making this activity a form of catharsis in my self development and understanding. In the process I also become my own teacher, my own Guru, my own critic and my own Deity, my own Buddha Nature; this Blogging has morphed into my own 'Self Reflection,' revealing to me who I was, I am and I aim to become and it is an on going process. A never ending story that encompasses 75 years of existence on the planet thus far.

 

The Rambling must go on...connecting dots.

 The journey of self discovery or simply in knowing who you truly are, your 'Unborn Buddha Mind' or Buddha nature', your 'Original Face',  I believe will end up when there is Utter Silence of the mind, some look at it as the death of the ego. This is what I have gathered over the years from my own personal experiences and observations, the Great Minds that I have read and the 'Revelations of the various religious systems and beliefs that i have practiced; they all point toward this end,

"A jīvanmukta, literally meaning 'liberated while living',^[1] is a person who, in the Jain and Vedānta philosophy, has gained complete self-knowledge and self-realisation and attained kaivalya (enlightenment) or moksha (liberation), thus is liberated while living and not yet dead.^[2][3] The jivanmukt being is termed as sayogi-kevali (enlightened one with the body) or Arihant in Jainism. The state is the aim of moksha in Vedānta, Yoga and other schools of Hinduism, and it is referred to as jīvanmukti.^[4][5][6] "

I have been writing on this subject intensively in the past repeating myself over and over in order that i would one day come to fully understand encapsulate and become its true nature or state of being. Far be it for me to have achieved Moksha or Enlightenment when I know i cannot even control my thoughts as they arise and fall independently with images and imaginations that often throw me into a corner like a defeated man feeling sorry and having inferiority complex over the past, future and even the present circumstances of my life. Greed, hate and Delusions still haunts me and I find myself helpless even after years of practicing the different modes of mind bending exercises. It seems like a futile adventure into what is unfathomable and obscure yet it is right there before my eyes day in day out in my wakeful state and my sleep; the 'Monkey Mind' is relentless. 

Yes, every now and then one catches a glimpse of 'the truth' or able to see with clarity of the cause and effect of the matter, however this is mostly at the intellectual level and the mind will still be entrapped by the on going chattering as soon as it gains a foothold into the shallow realization at this level. It took the historical  Gautama Buddha almost lifetime of wanderings and self mortification to subdue the monkey mind and attained enlightenment and he did it by giving up or letting go. When He decided to sit under the Bodhi or Pipal tree to meditate vowing not to move eat or drink until He found the Truth, He was actually committing suicide. If the Buddha had died without attaining Awakening or Complete Enlightenment He would have ended in the Hell realm This was the gambit that the Buddha took when all else failed in His quest to attain Complete Liberation. I highly doubt that the Buddha said to himself, I will sit for forty days before He made the decision to sit and meditate however he did sat for a long period of time and in the process faced many challenges physically as well as mentally and was spiritually tempted by Mara the 'Evil One' or the Dark Lord. The Buddha's success came only when He decided that it was all a waste of time and effort, that in order to become liberated from this life and its inherent nature of suffering one simply has to accept that nothing is real, all is an illusion, ephemeral, just as thoughts are. The act of letting go completely is the key to liberation; this includes the letting go of the believe that there is such a thing as a 'Self', the 'I'. For so long as there is an I, there is suffering.

For those well versed in the teachings of Buddhism it is spiritually acknowledged that the Historical Buddha was not an ordinary man, He was a Bodhisattva Mahasattva or was just about to renounce the material world for good, never to return, no more reincarnations. However He was besieged and urged by the Devas, Gods and Deities to return tot his realm before hanging up his towel; the world was in a chaos and needed to be set straight, at least in ancient India. The country was then ran by Brahmin Priests who exploited the teachings of Hinduism for their own benefit and evil practices was rampant with deviation from the original teachings. One of the distinct act of the Buddha's teaching was to end the Caste system, however with the waning of Buddhism this system persisted till today. I made allot of discoveries about Buddhism when I was staying at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center and spent most of the cold nights reading rare Buddhist texts that were donated to the library there. I delved deeply into the various schools of Buddhism from the Hinayana, Mahayana and Vajrayana or Tantric school including the lesser schools expounded by later Mendicant monks like Nagarjuna and Shantideva. For those who have the opportunity to be a resident at the Zen Mountain Center would know what a rare treasure trove of Buddhist texts the small library holds. 

The fact that my journey took me to these far away unique places was no coincidence, now that I look back at it. Very few and privileged had or will make it to Tassajara Zen Mountain Center located in the Big Sur of Carmel Valley County. in California. What are the chances that a Malaysian from Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut, would? From the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple on Kampar Road in Penang to Tassajara was a long trip of a spiritual journey if I may say so myself. I got there by way of Green Bay, Wisaconsin, Sandpoint, Alaska and San Francisco, Ca. and what a trip it was.             

It has not been easy, It might even get harder.

 

Indeed my journey is ending at least one phase and I foresee the beginning another ; I am about to step out of the comfort zone that i have been living for the past seven to eight years. These were the years i had tried to help my two adult children set themselves up and protect them negative influences that i felt would have caused them them their future. I felt back then before we moved into this present apartment that all three of us were simply drifting with no stability in our future especially for my children who were moving in an out of unstable employment and being slowly sucked into bad company. It was my failure as a father not to provide for them a better living condition after  their mother departed, I had given up hope back then seeing that everything I had worked hard for to provide a good home for my family was taken away when our lives were being put to the grind by one mishap after another until my late wife had to be sent home to the US on account of her illness. These negative events in our lives have been written somewhere in this Blog I am positive and there is no need for me to recount them here. These events that have led up to the present situation I find myself in were all along just a part of an ongoing journey that I have chosen for myself whether I had realized it or not at the time, however they were not all hard or uncomfortable nor were they too overwhelming for me not to be able to handle and overcome. 

I have made up my mind that it is time to move on, to take another leap of faith and explore what else is there for me to experience and learn from on the road. It is not going to be easy and to many it might even be madness at my age and with back up plan for survival if things goes south especially my health. Financially I have nothing, not dime to my name and so I will have to swing it like I have done in the past and that being to simply believe in myself and the Good Lord to provide. I can still walk and my health is still not too far off the scale for a seventy five year old and I believe strongly that it is good for me to make this move now as I sense strongly that my relationship with my two children is approaching the point where love and respect for a father is becoming strained and before it is damaged beyond repair I would rather walk away while the going is still good. Oddly enough I do not feel any anger nor regret although a little sad to end our relationship at this point. I will always love and remain a father to all four of my children but i deeply feel that I am not meant to live my old age with any of them without any dire consequences till the day I die. It is my strong commitment and believe in the fact that I love them that I need to leave them to continue my own journey without having to face or answer to any of them. It is my time to depart from this comfort zone that I have been living in being dependent upon their blessings and care.

I have no plan except that as of today I am saying farewell to this phase of my life with the believe that I have done my best to make life as comfortable for  me and my children the past 7-8 years and now it is time to step out of this comfort place and embark upon what lies ahead into the unknown with or without their help or blessings. I have journey to perform and it has yet to come to its final destination, not the way that the I feel it should and most importantly not in the spiritual sense as my soul is still lost in a limbo of weakness and uncertainty, I have yet to write my conclusion to this Blog, one that should end as a victory rather than a defeat as a spiritual seeker for lack of better words to call myself. This entry is my way of saying goodbye to all of my children and perhaps family and friends without sounding too dramatic; simply put I need to do this or die a disappoint. I blame no one especially not my children for they have done much more for me than I could have hoped for a father whose life and past is not what a child would be too proud to share with his or her own children and all I can say is, it is what it is, this is who I am and It is not over yet, I have to bring this journey to its final destination and this journal/Blog to its final conclusion for what it is worth.

 

 

 

     

St. Isaac the Syriac - A good Spiritual Read.

 

"St. Saint Isaac the Syrian once said, "Humility collects the Soul into a single point, by the power of Silence. A truly humble man has no desire to be known or admired by others but wishes to plunge from himself into himself. To become nothing. As if he had never been born. When he is completely hidden to himself in himself, He is completely with God. - Humility of the Soul, St. Isaac the Syrian. "

This is the essence of what i truly understand myself of my search for my spiritual awakening, a lifelong journey of ignorance and naivete for the Light of infinite wisdom and bliss in the presence of my Lord. At the moment, at 4:45 AM, I had just woke up from a dream, another of my 'journey dream'. A dream of getting to a destination but fraught with all kinds of 'weird' experiences and a pleasant ending which got me to continue writing this Blog entry. I had arrived at a point of giving up on making any more entries after my last entry which was of the visit to the Mahindarama Buddhist Temple which was like arriving at last back to where it all began as far as my spiritual journey is concern, however this dream I had woke me up to the fact that my journey is far rom over.

In my dream I was headed for a gathering of my relatives a sort of simple get together somewhere and again I found myself broken away rom my family and traveling alone towards this destination. I found myself along a path where it was all muddy and the people I met were all men from an ethnic group of Muslim Indians and Bangladesh origin. They were all it seems all preparing for the prayer making their ablution along the path wet and muddy path from taps lined up along the path. I was almost naked for some reason and found rags and used cloths which I reluctantly used to cover myself and was encouraged to take my ablution. Later on further down the road I found myself sitting in what seemed like a lecture hall along with these 'Taliban ' looking men and turning around behind me i found my eldest brother sitting behind me with a big smile on his face as though happy to see me there among the devoted Muslims. I woke up with a feeling of being accepted by my Muslim brothers and the gathering I had anticipated that of one of a picnic get together was not the case, it was a gathering of a spiritual brotherhood.

This was a very lucid dream where every sense of me was being put to task especially my ego as I felt the disgust at putting on a worn out shirt given to me along the way to cover myself and the feeling I had of the people around me who were as I explained 'lower' class than I assumed myself to be, they were mostly laborers and of migrant types in origin. It is sad that I forgot most of the details to this dream lucid as it was, but needless to say I was moved by it as it carried a strong message as to where i am headed in my spiritual journey; simply put it is time for me to seriously consider praying five times a day. The peace and bliss that i am looking for as i approach the end of my life is in bowing like everyone else towards the east in the presence of the All Mighty Allah,aza wa jala. Until then I will not find the completion to my final destination while on this road towards redemption. This is where i have to sacrifice my ego in the final stage

"The entire purpose of our Lord's death was not to redeem us from our sins, or for any other reasons, but solely that the world might become aware of the Love that the Lord has for Creation. Had all these astounding affairs taken place for the purpose of the forgiveness of  sin it would have been sufficient to redeem us by some other means, {Chapters on Knowledge 1V.28 excerpt no. 120. In the Wisdom of St. Isaac.}"

Where and when my Spiritual Journey Began.

 

On my way home a few days ago I decided to make a stop at the old Mahindarama Buddhist temple, located on Kampar Road. It is one of the oldest Sri Lankan, Hinayana or Theravadin Buddhist Temple in the country. This temple is of a very close sentimental connection to my past as it is the Temple where my grandfather had a hand in managing the setting up and paintings of the interior. He was commissioned to do the job and was sent here to Georgetown specifically for the purpose. Although much of the exterior of the temple complex has vastly changed to modern day concretized version, I can still visualize the old temple setting of the 50-60 and seventies when I used to visit it every weekend as a student. 

I must have been about two or three years of age when i spent my time at the temple until I was able to learn the Pali Canon, the language of Theravada Buddhism, a language that was said to have been taught by the Buddha when he spread the teachings of Buddhism in the Southern parts of India instead of the old Sanskrit language of the north. As a child I can still remember the temple atmosphere and the young monks from Sri Lanka who adopted me as their pet student as i was the grandson of their favorite artist in residence. #mahindarama, #buddhist, #temple

Mahindarama Buddhist Temple (Sinhala: මහින්දාරාම බෞද්ධ පන්සල, Chinese: 玛兴达拉麻佛寺) is a Theravada Buddhist temple within George Town in the Malaysian state of Penang. The only Sri Lankan temple in the state, it is also one of the select few in Malaysia that houses the relics of the Buddha. The temple becomes a focal point for the annual Vesak Day festivities within the city.  #vesakday, #georgetown, #srilankan

I would sit facing the reclining Buddha while listening to the talks given by the Bhikkhu and one name that stuck in my mind from those childhood days was Gunaratna Mahathero, born 5th.April 1891 and deceased 19th. Jan 1964. He was a very kind and compassionate old monk who knew the circumstances of my childhood growing up among Muslims while raised as a Buddhist. He must have felt the perilous path I was on even as a child walking between Islam and Buddhism. If one ask any Muslim adult if they are comfortable sitting in a Buddhist temple the answer would be a definite no, the smell of insence would be enough to drive them out, the Buddha statue are idols much against the Islamic faith. I was spared of the fear of these images as they were the creations of my grandfather's handiwork as far as I was concern. 

One of my concern even as a child was the food they offered at the temple as I felt even back then that i should not eat pork or even chicken. I was then told by one of the monks not to worry as they were all strictly vegetarian. Today I have no qualms nor fell ill at ease upon entering any house of worship of any denomination albeit Mosque, Churches,  Hindu temples or Gurdwara; I find the Divine in all of them. #recliningbuddha, #gunaratna

Once I was comfortable with visiting the temple on the weekends for my classes I looked forward to the bicycle rides from my home in Sungai Pinang, Kampung Selut, to Counter Hall the area where the temple is located used to be called. In doing so I would have to pass in front of the legendary Malay actor, P.Ramli's house and later down the road my parent's home; I was adopted and raised separate from my immediate family. Again, the Devil is in the details especially this part of my life. However I am positive I have written it all down once or twice in this lengthy Blog. #sungaipnang, #kampung, #selut, #malay

As I am prone to looking back to the past much to the detrimental of my mental health I see now how my formative years spent in juggling between two diversely opposite religious faith at a very young age has contributed much to who I have become mentally and spiritually. If I had not been contemplating and writing it all down for mor than twenty five years now, as my journal keeping did not began with this blogging but with my sketch book journals that started way before the Internet came into being. I never really thought of it as any form of psychological healing process, but simply because I enjoy writing and telling my stories for what it is worth. Now it has become more than just a hobby, it has come to a fruition in some way of giving a more deeper meaning to who I truly am. Being given up for adoption at birth, being raised a Buddhist while the rest of the household of aunts and uncles, cousins and the rest of the village being Muslim was a challenge even for a child and having to deal with religious taboos and the fate of being called a kafir and frowned upon by fellow Muslim classmates was the icing that capped the cake. 
 

I entered the temple as a child one day some 70 odd years ago and little did I realize that one day I would be stepping into the meditation hall of this temple again this time as an elder who had traveled the world. Did an intensive Zen Practice for two years at the San Francisco Zen Center at Green Gulch, Green Dragon Temple and spent time at the Tassajara Zen Mountain Center in The Big Sur in Carmel Valley, California; I had taken Buddhism to task. I have tasted much of what life has to offer and perhaps still not having a clue as to what or where my faith lies in; is there a God or was the Buddha right? Perhaps if any sense is to be made out of this whole journey it is that it is all an illusion as the Great Shakyamuni Buddha had realized, that it is all an illusion. That there is no one who stepped in or out of the gates of this, the Mahidarama Buddhist temple; a Zen saying -you can never step into the same river twice.

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The Temple itself has changed and my grandfather's  works are no more here being painted over by others over the years. However to me this small temple still holds a memory of my childhood years, sitting in awe of the statues and the benevolent looks of the old Theravadin Monks whose sense of compassion and understanding kept a frightened child from freaking out and becoming a welcome member of the community; the Sangha.

Namotasa Bhagavato Arahato Sama SamBuddhasang!

Homage to the World and Time Honored One!

Om Muni Muni Mahamuni Shakya Muni, Bodhisvaha!

I first took refuge in the Triple Jewels of the Buddha's teachings here beneath the canopy of my Grandfather's paintings.