Scorn me not,
judge me not,
but know me for who I am
A man on a journey towards his Maker just like any of his fellow man.
I had not dared to reveal the nature of this being who I am, its only because some truths are best buried for the dead.
Let me unveil myself from the layers of dellusions that is covering me with good understanding, Right Understanding.
How far or how near am i to my Maker?
This is the question that has haunted me for most of my life as i know i am a sinner and for even wanting to know the answer. However what else is there that really matters in one's life if not to seek the truth one's True Nature or as the Budhist calls it "The Original Buddha Mind?"
Who am I? Why am I a part of this humanity, this that is called Life? Do I have a choice to being here, being who I am, being born and raised in this form and emptiness, space and time?
The Buddha said that 'Life is Suffering', sickness and poverty, impermanence and death. He should know he was at one time the son of one of the most powerful Kings in India and he gave it all up, wine and women, mother and child to find the 'Truth' to the meaning of life.
I could become a serious Buddhist! Shave my head and live in a monastery somewhere in Southern Tailand, it too would be a fun change. Nah! I would rather not be accused of Murtad by my fellow Muslims who claims that their ways have brought them closest to Allah. Anyway two years in the Zen Buddhist practice was more than enough to turn my mind around for a little bit. When in doubt, Sit! ZAZEN!
I arrived early thiis morning from Kuala Terengganu where i attended my Brother in law's funeral, he passed on while being treated at the Cance care center in Kuala Lumpur and his body was driven to Kuala terengganu to be laid to rest. My cousin in Sungai Pinang Mohd Kalam woke my daughter up at 2.30 am to hand me the hand phone. I was told that Syed had passed away. At 3.00am I was driving on the penang Bridge headed for Kuala Terengganu alone. I filled up the Kancil with three quater tank full of gas and checked the air at a shell along the Jelutong speedway. The elderly Chinese gentleman asked me to fill up a form for qualifying to win a few thousand Ringgit on the upcoming lucky draw, I obligated.
While driving through the early morning over the mountain ranges of Gunung Barisan that devides the East from the West Coast I was crying my heart out in the Kancil while taking corners projected at the distance by the beams of her high lights. I owe this little car my life on this trip I drove without even thinking if she was going to make it but she proved a great car, great on mileage and keeps one from speeding. I felt such a surge of emosions from deep within exploded into words and I was talking to my Maker, ( I do this often), usually i would be the one doing 100 percent of the talking, He, I hope only listens. This happened after i was getting such a spritual high from my songlike Zikhr ul Allah. I felt th dam broke loose as i felt His prescence, His Mercy and Compassion, I was like a the Dervishes after they had spin long enough they had their touch with their Maker, the touch of the Devine.
It touches your souls whenever you are most receptive and vulnerable, it awakens your spirit to a glimpse of the Light of Truth, it snaps you out of your despair and gives you a hope and a fighting chance to make a good living while at the same time being rejuvenated physically and emotionally, the kind of food only man needs...Faith.
When it was all over and the little car still on the road I was driving and singing Bob Dylon's? Raindrops Keep Fallin on My Head out into the surrounding darknest like nothing ever happened. It was a peaceful cruise all the way downhill toward Jeli in Kelantan, it the kind of drive where man and machine sing the same tune and feels the same cold morning air. I have discovered 'Faith' in my little car. Me and the car had a man-car- bonding! After the last accident we had I was still not 100% myself when driving, not like the good old days when one rebounds quicker.
I enjoy night driving as it gives me a chance to enjoy the darkness around me while i mentally drive deeper within my heart to conjure more stuff to the surface. The dangers that One faces at night also helps one to stay awake with an extra focus in body and mind, falling asleep on the wheel is not an option especailly when crossing the Maint range of mountians the backbone of the Malay Peninsular that devided the East Coast from the West.The short of it is that long distance driving at night is a powerful form of meditation within and without but with the price of gas going the way it is it is not such a practical thing to do even if one is seeking God Himself. But I had a justifyable reason, I was on my way to Syed's funeral.
judge me not,
but know me for who I am
A man on a journey towards his Maker just like any of his fellow man.
I had not dared to reveal the nature of this being who I am, its only because some truths are best buried for the dead.
Let me unveil myself from the layers of dellusions that is covering me with good understanding, Right Understanding.
How far or how near am i to my Maker?
This is the question that has haunted me for most of my life as i know i am a sinner and for even wanting to know the answer. However what else is there that really matters in one's life if not to seek the truth one's True Nature or as the Budhist calls it "The Original Buddha Mind?"
Who am I? Why am I a part of this humanity, this that is called Life? Do I have a choice to being here, being who I am, being born and raised in this form and emptiness, space and time?
The Buddha said that 'Life is Suffering', sickness and poverty, impermanence and death. He should know he was at one time the son of one of the most powerful Kings in India and he gave it all up, wine and women, mother and child to find the 'Truth' to the meaning of life.
I could become a serious Buddhist! Shave my head and live in a monastery somewhere in Southern Tailand, it too would be a fun change. Nah! I would rather not be accused of Murtad by my fellow Muslims who claims that their ways have brought them closest to Allah. Anyway two years in the Zen Buddhist practice was more than enough to turn my mind around for a little bit. When in doubt, Sit! ZAZEN!
I arrived early thiis morning from Kuala Terengganu where i attended my Brother in law's funeral, he passed on while being treated at the Cance care center in Kuala Lumpur and his body was driven to Kuala terengganu to be laid to rest. My cousin in Sungai Pinang Mohd Kalam woke my daughter up at 2.30 am to hand me the hand phone. I was told that Syed had passed away. At 3.00am I was driving on the penang Bridge headed for Kuala Terengganu alone. I filled up the Kancil with three quater tank full of gas and checked the air at a shell along the Jelutong speedway. The elderly Chinese gentleman asked me to fill up a form for qualifying to win a few thousand Ringgit on the upcoming lucky draw, I obligated.
While driving through the early morning over the mountain ranges of Gunung Barisan that devides the East from the West Coast I was crying my heart out in the Kancil while taking corners projected at the distance by the beams of her high lights. I owe this little car my life on this trip I drove without even thinking if she was going to make it but she proved a great car, great on mileage and keeps one from speeding. I felt such a surge of emosions from deep within exploded into words and I was talking to my Maker, ( I do this often), usually i would be the one doing 100 percent of the talking, He, I hope only listens. This happened after i was getting such a spritual high from my songlike Zikhr ul Allah. I felt th dam broke loose as i felt His prescence, His Mercy and Compassion, I was like a the Dervishes after they had spin long enough they had their touch with their Maker, the touch of the Devine.
It touches your souls whenever you are most receptive and vulnerable, it awakens your spirit to a glimpse of the Light of Truth, it snaps you out of your despair and gives you a hope and a fighting chance to make a good living while at the same time being rejuvenated physically and emotionally, the kind of food only man needs...Faith.
When it was all over and the little car still on the road I was driving and singing Bob Dylon's? Raindrops Keep Fallin on My Head out into the surrounding darknest like nothing ever happened. It was a peaceful cruise all the way downhill toward Jeli in Kelantan, it the kind of drive where man and machine sing the same tune and feels the same cold morning air. I have discovered 'Faith' in my little car. Me and the car had a man-car- bonding! After the last accident we had I was still not 100% myself when driving, not like the good old days when one rebounds quicker.
I enjoy night driving as it gives me a chance to enjoy the darkness around me while i mentally drive deeper within my heart to conjure more stuff to the surface. The dangers that One faces at night also helps one to stay awake with an extra focus in body and mind, falling asleep on the wheel is not an option especailly when crossing the Maint range of mountians the backbone of the Malay Peninsular that devided the East Coast from the West.The short of it is that long distance driving at night is a powerful form of meditation within and without but with the price of gas going the way it is it is not such a practical thing to do even if one is seeking God Himself. But I had a justifyable reason, I was on my way to Syed's funeral.
No comments:
Post a Comment