Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Happy Father's Day - to me.

I must admit that I have not been much of a father to all my three children, however i am ever so thankful that all four of them has turned out for the better in their adult life. Perhaps it is all thanks to their mothers, all three of them, two Americans and a Swiss. Oh it is a long story no doubt how I turned out to have sired four children of different mothers and iI am sure that somewhere in this lengthy Blogging I must have tried to justify the story one way or another in the effort to convince myself that I was not all that bad and things could have been a whole lot worse. There is no doubt in my mind that the three boys hold one form or another of a grudge against my way of bringing them into this world or how i had wronged their mothers. At this age I am too concerned anymore over all the errors I made in the past with regard to their upbringing and I know i have tried my best to remedy my mistakes as best i could. All my justifications will not convince them as they does not do me any satisfaction either and so I will have to let it be and hope that the persons they have become will in its own right speak on my behalf as a father.

In honor of my father and my grandfather I am writing this short tribute all fathers who have raised their children to the best of their abilities. As a father the welfare of my children has always been the force that motivates and kept me seeking the true path through knowing who I truly am and what my potentials are as a man. I have never and never will blame anyone else for my errors nor will I ever claim that my way is the best or any better than others'. I have and will love my children no matter what they may think of me. Their well being will always be in my heart and mind and I have tried my best to be there when they needed me most. As a father it has taught me that being there in the right time and moment in the lives of my children is all a matter of faith in the desire to make things right and in the effort to ease their burden in life. I do not hope that they will ever turn out to be just like me for my path was the less traveled in comparison to most fathers. I took many a wrong turn and gambled my way through my own life in order that I can pave my own journey towards becoming who I am knowingly or otherwise.

As I am close to take that one step beyond into the unknown, I feel I need to take stock of my track record as being a father and this Blog as well as my journals would be testimonies towards what had happened and what the consequences has been.I have tried to be as honest and candid as I can lest my writing might do more damage than help to heal. As far as healing goes, my Blog is about healing myself through understanding, through my own perception my own experiences and my own  judgements; and i am prone to be wrong most of the time mostly through assumptions and my own distorted projections. Being a father is has been a touch and go experience for as my children grew up in sorts of mixed environment and cultures, I have to adapt to their thinking accordingly.There is very little to fall back upon as examples that can be assimilated to when situations arises. I mostly have to trust my gut feelings and take my cues from what is presented before me to tackle. Most of all I rely upon the fact that these are my children and they have their own personalities and upbringing through having lived most of their lives with their mothers. I treat with utmost respect their stand and accept the fact that iknow little about how or what tendencies are. I rely on the fact that my task as a father is to ensure their comfort and well being and that they has a little to blame life for their father's errors.

Hence Happy Father's Day to me as I am seeing that my children have grown into strong characters with allot of potentials ahead of  them once they too discover the truth of who they truly are. In the meantime I will strive to keep on being who I am to the best of all our interests, by being healthy and productive for as long as I possibly can. By being being an artist, a writer, a cushion when they fall, a helping hand in some small way to help ease their load as they grow into adulthood themselves.


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