We need a Saviour!

Things are happening that is leading us further and further into the depth of unhappiness as a specie; humanity is on the brink of self destruction as never before. On top of the climate going haywire and the sea rising and what with all the killing and starvations all around the globe, we are looking at a bleak future, or so it seems. Here at home the political situation is not getting any better with government trying hard to balance the budget and get as much back from the robbers and thieves that had robbed the country blind. Now the trend is racial discord rising as religious mania is being aroused as a tool for getting things done in the name of development. Yes we have to move forward and create more for the well being of the nation while how we go about it is questionable. In the Buddhist view it is called creating karma to destroy karma. The Hindus are up in arms over the attack by a group of hired thugs made of Malays mostly and this is all because the temple in question is located on a piece of land belonging to the developer or so I understand from the News Media. Then some pork meat was discovered in the compound of a mosque in another state that has nothing to do with the Hindu temple incident and so the snowballing  is gathering momentum.

What is it about us humans when it comes to suffering? It seems like we cannot have enough of it. Rather than enjoy what we have we would rather go all out to turn a good thing into a load of crap. We cannot simply rest and take it easy from creating more chaos than that has already been created and what we already have we are rarely thankful for cause it is never enough. We cannot see our neighbors having more or enjoying life better than we are without accusing them of one thing or another and most of all we do not really know how to share what we have with our neighbors which makes them feel envious of what we have in the first place. It gets more and more complicated as we think about how sick we have become as a specie and by right we should be removed from this planet like a cancerous virus that is out to destroy its host. 

And we pray, yes we pray to all our Gods, Hindus, Muslims, Christians and the rest of us so that we are spared from the suffering that others are going through in other parts of the world. What a hypocrite we have become claiming that ours is the true faith while others are damned to be thrown into hell and we are willing to die in the name of our Gods, like we will be rewarded for killing or maiming our fellow man and throwing the country that is barely making it from an economic meltdown into a free for all chaos. What is it with us that we cannot collectively live out our lives to the best of our abilities with what we have and make the best out of even the worse of our situations? We are a sick society that somehow refuses to give up the very thing that is making us sick; Greed,Hate and Ignorance.

Let's go fly a Kite!

A close friend passed away today, I felt a lot of mixed feelings about myself in my relationship with others especially those who I have known do more than ten years here in Georgetown. This friend whom everyone calls Nona, passed away last night and was buried this afternoon and I did not know about it until just now, about midnight tonight. None of my other friends told me or called me about it, so I missed my chance to bid my final farewell to this man whose life I had shared over the years. I feel like i have deserted him in his finals days by not being with him in his hours of need. I will miss him now that he is gone but I also felt it was time to for him and there was nothing I could have done and worse give some false hope. My bad Perhaps I was not being compassionate enough, this is my guilt feeling of losing someone and being hopeless and helpless to do much about it. I will have to live with it. Every now and then death knocks on your neighbor's door and you are reminded that your turn is not too far away from the same knocking.

It does not take much to trigger my mind into all kinds of mental discussions when it comes to death and the same question has always presented itself, am i ready for it. The answer is as always i do not really know the answer to that but I do look forward to it when it happens. What must it feels like to be set free from this physical body, to be formless and yet to be conscious of one's beingness. To be liberated from the confines of this breathing in and out, of being trapped in a mental conditioning that is afraid of death and dying. I hope when I die I will be accompanied by the musical score .Pandora conducted by Hans Zimmer in my mind's consciousness, Kitaro's . Heaven and Earth is no bad either. It is said that the sum total of your consciousness is exposed to you at your first moment of death , it is so overwhelming that it is just like a blinding light, a flash of lightning that erases all that you think of who you are and leaves you hanging in the limbo of emptiness.

Maybe so, scary to think of it but interesting nonetheless like the vision quest of the Navajo Warrior, one can never be prepared for what one is going to encounter on the other side. Perhaps nothing, you simply ceases to be and that's it, end of story, no more traces of tell tales of who or what you once were. the 70 to 60 years of your so called life just up and poof! Gone! Would be a great waste after all that has been shared, educated and impressed upon you as you get to where you are on the last breath, is all for nothing.  On the other hand you could be listening to the monk or Lama's voice as he leads you from your moment of death state to the end where you reincarnate after 49 days of your Bardo state that precedes death; this is according the Tibetan book of the Dead. Or you could be facing the two angels of Munkar and Nakir, who are designated to ask you several questions of your faith in order to ascertain where you will end up or how you will be treated henceforth the moment the last of the last of your mourners have left your graveside; this is the Islamic view of what happens when you die. 

We will all one day end up in the Happy Hunting Ground sooner or later and how or when it is a matter up for grabs as none can tell except when it is happening gradually as in a sickness or through a mortal wound of being shot at or an accident. But the human mind has been preparing for this moment from the day he understood that he will one day die whether he knows it or not. Morbid as it may seem, I have never passed a day without imagining my own death and how I would ride it as it happens to me; yes to die fully conscious of the event happening and beyond. 

Can I too, like the Buddha declare to myself, "I, Am No More." 

Who is the true Malaysian?

Among the concerns that I have of late is this need for development all over the City of Georgetown and it seems like developers are having a field day trying to get more and more projects going in order to reshape the island and its landscape to look more like a Singapore or a Hong Kong. Land reclamation along the shoreline has redrawn the outline of the Island from its original shape and new condos and apartment buildings have sprouted almost everywhere you look, the skyline is no more the same. Who is going to live in those apartments you wonder, how many Penangites are there that an afford these expensive homes? What happens to the environment with so many unites of housing being built and very little done about sewage management. I get tired just thinking about it much less writing as I am quickly finding out making this post entry. But it is happening and it is happening everywhere, we are building and building more and more like there is no tomorrow, "they keep on building higher till there's no more room up there, but tell me, where do the children play...?" (Cat Stevens).

Then there is the racial bigotry and who has the right to be the citizen of the country tripping. You cannot fart the wrong direction without having someone accuse you of being a racist in this country and when all fails politically, the racial card is played to the max to win. For the past past 60 odd years we have lived alongside each other, the Malays Chinese, Indians an the rest of the ethnic groups too many to name and what have we learned? Zip! Nada! Not a bloody thing. We are still short fused when it comes to racial issues, someone is always stepping on our toes where our race is concern. No time in the history of this country are the Malays more Malays, the Chinese more Chinese and the Indians...etc. Ethnic identity has become pandemic among all the races in the country, each claiming to be better and more relevant than the other, sad, but true and getting worse. This racial bigotry is being played by the politicians from both side of the divide all along to set ablaze hatred in the effort to divide and rule or gain support. For so long as Malaysians allows for this to go on, we will know no peace as a nation.

Then there is the religious idiosyncrasies that is inherent in all the various religious denomination that makes up for this nation. Each is crying out louder than the rest from the rooftops and mountains that their faith is the true faith, that their religion is the true religion and so forth and this has been going on for ages like it will never see the end of it at least not in my lifetime and perhaps not even my children's or theirs; it is like we will never ever learn.. The rights to worship, to have temples and churches, mosques and what have you has become an on going issue since the day, God said, build me a home, now we have hundreds and thousands of God's home all over the country and ironically with a growing number of homelessness among the population, while God is seldom home. Religion has become a commodity and like racial bigotry, it has also become a potent tool for politicians  who has ran out of juices to pander their ideas. If and when all else fails, lets throw down the religious card, it never fails.

Then there is education and this is an even more confusing issue that plagues the government of the day as just everyone if not every ethnic group has an axe to grind about it. I feel very fortunate to have been among the last of the educational system that was pretty much the British standard of educational system.    

  After I left the secondary school the educational system went through some major revamping starting with the National Language as the medium of delivery.Then came the rest of the systems of education catering to the different races with the demand made such that the mother tongue is not lost and so forth, Chinese, Indian and Malay schools became the norm. While on the one hand we are screaming nationalism and devotion to one flag and one country, on the other hand we are demanding that our each and every racial identities be preserved at all cost and are willing to kill or die for it. As the saying goes, we want the pie and eat it too. No individual race in this country is willing to make the sacrifice of giving up their racial heritage and fully embrace the New Malaysian identity; it would be a lie if anyone admits to it except for those who are by birthare of mixed nationality; perhaps these are the true Malaysians.







  

Do you see what I see/

See if the experiment is making any more sense so far approaching to becoming a schizoid as I allow for my life to happen with accepting the moment to moment experiences and manifestations before me. I realize that I am nowhere near to the complete detachment of the Buddha's teachings, but suffice to say even at this distant I can already feel the effect of in the moment in space and time, to empty of your own being, to dissolve and merge into emptiness. No, I am very far from being able to give up my souls and step over to the other side just as yet, especially, fully conscious. No Sir, not I. I have a whole lot more to complete before I can call it a date, but it is happening.In small doses i am starting to see what lies beyond the veil, I am beginning to appreciate the beauty of my mind even in its impossible state. How the mind works cannot really be fully explained by any other great or small minds. The mind is the creator of all minds or better known as mental formations, no mind, no Buddha!

If you hold your breath long enough, you will change whatever mental formations thoughts. ideas and so forth in your mind at the present moment. Try to stop your regular breathing while watching  what the mind is up to. Let go of this as you blow out your breath and watch if your are still thinking of the same thing as before. Chances are that you are either in between thoughts or you simply forget what the were before you stopped breathing. This pause between two thoughts is  where you, the 'manager' can influence what kind of thoughts should arise next. As a true practitioner one would off course rather not have any more thoughts to arise for as long as possible, but the mind has its own will to exert new and more dramatic scenarios to counter this effort, I still don't have a clue as to why just yet but i kn this much, that nothing is more illusive and unpredictable than the human mind.

It takes a thief to catch a thief and so it is with the mind, To liberate the mind from incessant thinking it is necessary to employ the mind itself. By what is known as skillful means in Buddhism the mind is subdued and become subservient to the dictates of the soul or spirit or the observer, the witness, atman, call it by what name you will, cause you are it; you are not the mind nor are you the body. These are your vehicles, your tools, that which you express and project yourself and manifest your desires into the world at large. Realizing that you are the master over your faculties is a major step in the direction of self realization. Knowing that you are the charioteer and not the chariot or the horses, you are the puppeteer and not the puppets and that you pull the strings is paramount towards  becoming endowed with your inherent divinity. Most of us are fully aware of these aspects of our being, however not too many are deeply concerned in making it a belief or even a practice in our daily lives. Do you see what I see? Do you feel what I feel? Are we on the same page about who we are what we are capable of?

Life is an Experiment- I believe so.

All there to being an enlightened being to simply realize that you are an enlightened being and no two ways about it! You are an awakened  consciousness that is manifesting itself into the physical and the mental formations on this planetary realm of existence this is how I see it for myself at least. I am not saying that  am an enlightened being like the Buddha or Jesus or Muhammad, (PBUH), no Sir, I am my own enlightened being. I am not saying this to be smart either, nor to endorse any form of religious or spiritual practice nor am I trying start any new religion. No sir, I am at the age where writing my conclusion to the experiment of this practice I call life, is paramount and before i kick the bucket it is my desire that it be know how far or how near i have come from becoming one with the whole, the Cosmos, the One, the Infinite and The Ultimate Divine Mystery some call God while others Brahman. some call The great Spirit, while others Jehovah, but give It whATEVER NAME YOU MAY: TO BECOME ENLIGHTENED IS TO MERGE INTO THE cOMPLETE WHOLESOMENESS OF BEING; i AM THAT, I AM, (typo error being kept.)

The sum total of my entire journey inner and outer has been to arrive at this point of being able to say it to myself, that I am, that I am. Beyond what the mins is capable of manifesting and beyond what cna ever been imagine, there is no more doubt in this mind that it has at a point of no return, it is unleashing all that is the content of this individual DNA and spiritual unconscious realms or dimensions out into the open and it is time to write the conclusion to this lifelong experiment with life inner and outer beingness. Unravelling the mysteries of the ancient teachings from the cultures that makes up the human race, I am able to say to myself that I 'see the light'. the wisdom the wholesomeness of being awakened being alive and being aware of being alive; it is nothing special at all. When you are able to drop the mask from your face and show the real you to the world, the world looks at you differently; with a sense of awe if not fear. That is why we all wear masks in our daily lives that we may feel secure  within ourselves that the external world have no idea who we truly are! A coward at heart wears the mask of a bloodthirsty villain, a merciless soldier or a zookeeper. The brave at heart dorns the mask of a teacher, a chef or a carpenter, a priest of a a pauper even; the Brave at heart is timid and compassionate.

I shed my mask every so often and i realize that I have done this without making too much out of this although on looking back I now realize that i have become conscious of wearing and dropping my masks all along. I am the call it what you may, entity that does the donning and doffing of the masks that I wear. It is the slipping in and out of one's multi-personalities that one has accumulated along the way in order to cope with the external stimuli of the time and circumstances the I face. Today I was an uncle giving advice to a nephew and niece and a father to my son and daughter and a blogger jotting down my thoughts and feelings, trying to make sense out of the nonsense of this life. Mahatma Gandhi is said to have said that, Life is an Experiment: I believe so.

One for the road.

At  the very edge of the precipes I stood wondering if there is any more questions that need be answered or anymore unfinished business that needs to be completed; should I or should I not take this one last leap of faith into the unknown. I have traveled this road in many guises, of a father, a brother, a friend, a lover, an artist, a writer, a singer and a host of many other personas that had adopted along the way, and often I would arrive at yet another gateway that stands before me beckoning me to enter. I feel like I am standing before a Tori Gate in the Japanese mountain village about to enter into the sacred while leaving the mundane behind me. I have always wanted to make one final journey as an artist traveler before I call it quits, I would like to visit Myanmar or Burma as it used to be called. This is one country that has intrigued me, it is one of those countries that would to me be a challenge to visit in more than one way. Spiritually it is a predominantly Theravada Buddhist country and social and culturally it is quite a mystery yet as it has not really been exposed to the west as much as other Asean countries has been. If possible I would like to do a short practice period of  a Vipassana retreat at one of the monasteries there.

Oh well , I can dream and envision myself being on the road again, but whether my health and my financial status can make it happen is a matter of contention.  Today travelling without money or proper credentials is not healthy especially to countries that is still in a state of emerging from long periods of restlessness and under developed. In the late sixties my third oldest brother was sent to live in Burma as a ward to the drug lord there. My brother Gina as we used to call him was a drug dealer and one of the most wanted criminal in Penang. He was adopted and raised by the Chinese and in his young adult life became their drug dealer and loan shark collector; he was most feared by the criminal underworld or so i    was told. My brother who died some years back told me of his trip to Burma to escape from the law and how he was adopted by the drug lord Khun Sa a Shan tribal warlord who later became one of the most  feared drug trafficker in what was known as the Golden Triangle. Perhaps my late elder brother made up all these stories to brag about his exploits as a tough guy growing up among the Chinese secret societies and drug syndicates. I believe most of his stories as i was witness to a few of what happened to him in his later years and met a friend  or two of his that validated my brother's claims. I met a few Chinese who shuddered at the mention of his name  and who treated me with care and respect even though I was young then while looking for my brother. One of the things Gina had told me back then was that I should one day go to Myanmar for a visit, it is a beautiful country, however this was way back in the sixties.

So here I am, should I or should i not make this one final trip to find out? I am not as keen about visiting the holy land or going to India and visit all the ancient temples as much as i would like to catch the final glimpse of the jungles and rivers of Myanmar and savor the culture and religion of the land. As I stand on the precepes and looking into the future at this point in my life i feel like I have yet some strength and breath left to make this one final journey, as they say, one for the road.

Choose well... or it will come back to haunt you.

All good things and bad , must come to an end, as this too shall pass, nothing stays the same and nothing last forever, this the fate of man; impermanence. Clinging and hoarding on to what is is futile and a waste of good karma as what is available for one to transcend this transient realm of existence is to become enlightened and becoming enlightened means; Become light in the sense it means just that; become light To become light in its physical nature as in weight and light against dark property and in its spiritual nature of good and evil, positive and negative spiritual states. These are merely the opposites or the duality nature of the states of being or the dual thinking mind. The Buddha in His quests for answers had thoroughly  delved into this state of being and recognized it as being one of the root cause of human suffering. The mind acts in relation to what it perceives externally with a sense of choice, this or that, right or wrong, good or bad and the choice has to be made in order for the mind to process further that it is perceiving. Hence some religious practice has what is called free will, the freedom to choose.

The choice we make will have its effects and consequences and these will manifest further down the road as we progress towards our destination, whatever or wherever that may be. So you sow and so shall you reap is the dictum that is most common in most all religions. Most of human beings are oblivious to these simple equations of choice- effects-consequences- manifestations.=free will. In order that we may become more aware of the choices we make in order that we will end up with better more positive results at the end of the day, we have to get to know up close and personal of who is making these final choices; who is saying yes, this is my choice. Through intelligence and through wisdom, having experienced and made observations in the past, I make my choice this over that, it is not unlike a chess master making the choices of his moves three or four steps ahead of the game when he becomes good at it. For a Way seeking Mind, a Mind that is on the way to becoming enlightened, a mind that is free from mental and spiritual formations, free from distractions and vexations caused by the external stimuli, for this type of mind, there is no choices to be made; for this type of Mind there is no chooser.

The ultimate nature of Sunyata or the emptiness teachings of the Buddha is that that there is inherently no self to talk of, there is only a state consciousness of being and this is not subjected to the laws of cause and effect as this state of being has no form to be considered as a permanent nature. A state whereby that cannot be subjected to time and space and the causation of  time and space. This perception of the non existence of an entity called 'I', the self or the personality, is what sets apart Buddhism from most other religions even Hinduism. It is a very tough act to follow for most of those who cannot fathom the ramifications of the Buddha's teaching on this ultimate truth. For so long as there is an Individual, an identity, to be identified with, life will contain suffering...you suffer,birth, death and rebirth.

It is the I that makes the choice, that clings on to ideas and perceptions, that allows for the mind to create more and more mental formations to choose from in the course of a lifetime. It is the I that becomes blinded by the emotional states of pain and pleasure, of good and evil, it is the mind that sees itself beyond redemption other than being saved by some higher divine grace or miracle. It is the I that is lost in fear and ignorance and it is the I that acts out of self aggrandizement and wanton disregard for the well being of others. When the i becomes egotistical in nature than it is subjected to karmic consequences that had to be dealt with in the course of a lifetime or the next.  In the realm of the existential there is time and space to be content with while in the karmic realm time and space ceases to operate; shit can happen at any given moment and in any given form.  
  




    

The Way of the Sword - Miyamoto Musashi.

Shinmen Takezo or better known as Miyamoto Musashi embarked upon the journey of self discovery through wielding the katana or the long samurai sword.; he was a truth seeker to the very end of his life. Throughout his illustrious life as a student of the martial arts, Miyamoto developed his own philosophy about life depending on no one but his own determination to live despite all the challenges that could have ended his life  as a student of the samurai sword technique.  From every worthy opponent he met along his journey he learned the deeper meaning of life as a swordsman. One of his mentor was a Zen monk Takuan Osho who had him tied hanging from a tree as a punishment for killing a man and later became his spiritual guide throughout his life. Through this relationship Miyamoto was honed to the spiritual side of his nature. 

At his younger age Miyamoto was a very reckless and angry young man whose childhood days was spent growing up on his own as he was abandoned by his father. He grew up with the believe that he was dependant upon no one and nothing but his own strength and fortitude. With an unquenched anger in him he called his path with the sword as the path of carnage.In one of his most famous of battles was against the Yoshioka school in Kyoto where he had to kill a ten year old boy set up as the head of the school, a ploy to deter him from winning the fight. Heartless as it may had seemed, Miyamoto went on to become one of the most celebrated if not feared samurai in Japan.  When asked why he killed the child Miyamoto replied, 
"A swordsman cannot loose a match. As long as i killed the commander- in chief I would have been victorious even if I had died fighting later at the hands of many... to a swordsman, loosing means death."
This was the passion and commitment that Miyamoto had towards his quest to understanding his own nature. The fact that death was a constant equation in the Way of the sword the outcome justifies the means; there is only one way and that is to stay alive to Musashi Miyamoto. The Way of the swordsman in Japan was similar to that of the Way of the Gunfighter in the Old West of the American frontier and in modern days it is in the Ways of the extreme sports like the racing cars and motorcycles or the mortal combats in the ring. It is the ultimate test of human endurance and discipline. In the life of Miyamoto Musashi and the likes of him, it was walking the razor's edge between insanity and enlightenment and few in history survived to be hailed as the supreme victor of man over his dark nature and fewer still has survived to be revered as historical figures. 

Sometime in the early eighties I was introduced to the life of Miyamoto Musashi when I stumbled upon his book entitled, A Book of Five Rings." and one of the quotes from the book Musashi wrote,

 " Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the World." 

“there is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.” “Do not sleep under a roof. Carry no money or food. Go alone to places frightening to the common brand of men. Become a criminal of purpose. Be put in jail, and extricate yourself by your own wisdom.” 

― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings:  Quotes from GOOD READS.

From the life of an outcast of his village and living in the woods by himself as a child growing up, Miyamoto Musashi grew in fame to become a household name in the Japanese culture and an artist and profound thinker in human history. 

An Honor to a great Artist of my generation.

An honor to have made an acquaintance of a 75 year old master painter , educator and a although a humble and gentle man yet a very solid individual whose art works were celebrated at the Penang State Art Gallery today. The retrospective exhibition  of  Dato' Tan Hon Yin's paintings more than 70 of them covered two galleries, works that span over the years of his career and what a career it has been for this mild mannered gentleman. Ever since I first met him some year ago I felt his warmth and friendliness towards everyone he dealt with, Chinese malay or Indians. This to me is a man who is truly a Malaysian at heart and it is felt by most who has had anything to do with him. I rarely am easily taken to admire a man without finding some small fault to gripe about and very few in my life measures up to my expectation, my fault, not theirs, however Dato' Tang won my admiration. He is an inspiration and I am honored to have met this artist in my own backyard.

Most of my peers as an artist I find promotes their art in every which way they can and selling their works is a mark of success, perhaps they are right. It is my fault perhaps that i do not do enough to sell myself and make my name through making a good living as an artist and as a result i am as I am financially in need. Dato' Tang Hon Yin is one person that I know of who keeps a very low profile of his talent and great accomplishments which to me is one facet of his life that I admire; he lets his works does the promotion themselves. This is what i admire in great masters like Hokusai and the likes of him. I raise my hat to this gentleman for his lifelong accomplishment and his humility towards those who benefitted from him.      

Life has no meaning until you give it one.

After all the trials and tribulations, upon reaching the summit of the mystique mountain, after all pleasures and pain, after all that is said and done, what else is there to be experienced in this life? 

" Listen ye children of immortal bliss,
There is an infinite being that I have known,
Blazing forth like the rays of the sun.
Forever beyond darkness, 
Knowing that alone, one transcends death...
This infinite Being is who you are."
                                                        Advaita Vedanta

Or something like that, believe what you may according to your faith, but believe you must or you will allow humanity to dive into the pits worse than the animals.My personal mantra has alway been; I am Whole,
          Complete and Perfect,
          Strong and Powerful,
          Loving and Compassionate,
          Harmonious and Happy!
          I can do what I Will to do,
          So help me Lord.
For as long as i can remember I have carried this mantra within me, this affirmation  that I recite to myself every time I sit to meditate or when mind impose upon me thoughts of discord and vexations. If it works or not remains to be seen when I arrive at the final completion of my journey. This mantra I use to hone my mind if not my brain cells to work towards self realization, that I am more than just a bag of skin and bones existing in space and time, existing like a cork being buffeted down the rapids of consciousness to the ocean of reality. What is it worth or how does it benefit me as a human being? I ask myself, what have i got to loose? How does this helps towards healing myself and humanity at large and what do i hope to gain in the long run? The answers have been this whole process of  self discovery through Blogging, through daily trials and errors, through meditation and yoga, through prayers and contemplation, through the gathering knowledge and wisdom. through my relationships with others and through  the desire for liberation and enlightenment. 

I would deem this life a waste of time and breath if I have no understanding of who I truly am in the scheme of life or how i am a part and parcel of the Whole. I would consider my life  unworthy of being a member of the human specie living off the Planet like cancer cells eating away at it's host; merely a parasite. Like every human being I fully realize that I will die sooner or later, it is imminent and am I prepared to face this eventuality, perhaps like everyone else, No! The unknown that lies ahead are explained to me by numerous scriptures and revelations on one kind or another, they may be true or they may be just human imagination at its best, but they are just that, the truth is yet to be seen. Yes, fear is the key and I am afraid for what I cannot yet explain or have yet to experience first hand and out of this fear I grope for the ultimate truth and understanding failing which I have accept what has been foretold. But death is not the issue at the moment in time, not while I am still breathing and in this physical form and mental states, a the moment I have to lie my life to a completion. Before i close my account I have to make sure that it is all in balance, the good and the bad, the light and the dark etc. Before I write my conclusion to this life's experiment albeit religious or faith, scientific or philosophical, I intend to end this journey with a thorough understanding if not awakened mind of a Buddha, or as an Al insan kamil of the Prophets and Saints, short of these i have failed my experiment and perhaps in the Buddhist sense will reincarnate to the next life and return to carry on the next phase and the next.

What is the meaning of life? Life has no meaning until you give it one.