Man can only propse, God disposes.-

Dawn is breaking outside and I just had performed my Subh prayer the first in a very long time and by the grace of the All Mighty, I pray it would not be my last. I woke up earlier than the call to prayer that came later after I had sat in meditation which followed by a brief Yoga stretching and then the birds outside came to life from the trees way below my window on the twelfth floor. This particular black bird larger than normal has a long tail and a loud wailing voice, the Malays calls it, Burung kerak nasi, translated to mean, the burnt bottom part of the cooked rice. This bird has a strange connection with me as it is present wherever I go at least its voice and sometimes at odd times of the night which for sometime used to scare me into thinking it to an omen of some kind. Now I am so used to it that it has become a welcome song that reminds me to stay awake from falling asleep in this realm of Maya.

The call to prayer came loud and clear from the speakers of the State Mosque minaret that is visible from my window surrounded by apartment buildings and Chinese temples. It struck a chord in me; to pray or not to pray. My heart moved me to pray and so I got out of bed and took my ablution and laying a clean ‘sarong’ on the floor guessing the general direction of the setting sun where the ‘Qiblat’ should be I prayed following the Imam of the State Mosque as he led the prayer. At the end of the prayer while making my ‘Doa’, or personal communication with the Lord. Which to me is the essence of the whole prayer, I felt at peace. By having performed two ‘rakaats’ or rotation of the ‘subh’ prayer I felt the Divine presence within me. Nothing special, just that feeling of being heard and perhaps forgiven, of hope and completeness of being that only happens when there is the Grace of God being evoked, (it makes your hair stand and your mind silenced). I often wondered how it is to be in the presence of the Divine and truly feel the touch of Grace from this presence and I had come to my own conclusion that only through the genuine emptiness of the mind and an open heart can it happen or perhaps some other miracles beyond my comprehension; not through blind faith alone.

The Lord is a forgiving and merciful Lord and not an entity that is ready to pounce upon his servant for every little transgression or doubts; I can only propose and He will dispose. ( Nam homo proponit, sed Deus disponit.)