Thursday, March 23, 2017

What Future?

How to not let the external events and phenomena affect your inner state; it is next to impossible if not so. I have been observing my mind and how it has woven and twisted every thought that it comes into contact with from external stimulus. How it has exaggerated and blow out of proportion ever piece of information and episodes that it comes into contact with. I am not the mind , I keep talking myself especially when i am sitting and meditating and so is the body. I know these to be the instruments that i am endowed with to function in this physical realm, however of late the mind and body seems to have the upper hand over who I am.
 It is not a good feeling at my age as i feel like i am loosing my footing and slipping back into my habitual past letting my ego and my anger rule the day. The latest episode being my daughter returning from Pulau Langakawi where she was working a few days earlier then planned. She was bitten by a dog on her leg. The dog belonged to her employer and before she had left for the Island she had mentioned to me how she looked forward to seeing the dog again as she used to walk the dog when it was in Penang as the former China House premises. She told me that the two owners of the Bon Ton Resort had refused to get her to the hospital for a tetanus shot and she was latter helped by an employee to get her to the hospital. My daughter flew home from Langkawi using up all the money she had earned on the job and arrived in Georgetown short of cash to take a taxi back to the house. She took a shuttle bus to where her brother works at Queensbay Mall and borrowed some cash from him to find her way back home. 

I am more than pissed over the whole episode and my mind is at the moment wondering whether to burn down China House or make a police report and drag the owners to court. Not good prospects either way but something has to be done or i am not the man I claim to be. I will consult with my friend Lee Khai before i take any action just to safe and not allow for my temper and ego run amok. In my younger days I would not have thought twice about getting even with these two Australian ladies who runs around the Georgetown area like they own the place. 
This is what i am talking about in letting my ego or my dual thinking mind running the show. I have made many errors in my past and a few has cost me a whole lot of sorrow and pain, i don't intend to make the same mistakes time and again. I will take the more legal course of action and see where it takes me. Perhaps i am loosing my edge at being the one who would take on the Abbot of the Rinzai Zen in America or putting a gun to the head of a fellow meat cutter in Wisconsin, perhaps I am becoming comfortably numb in my old age. All I know is i have to think a little more rationally as I have my daughter's future to think of and not my own alone; I really have no more future to think of.  

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