Tuesday, October 17, 2017

We are not that great for other alien entities to get to know us.

Here in Malaysia, in the culture and tradition of the ordinary village folks of Muslim Malays and even the Chinese and Indians for that matter, we don't really need astrophysicists to tell us that there are other dimensions out there or that runs parallel to ours. In our belief of the so called mumbo jumbo superstitious ways, we have dealt with the 'aliens' that every now and then would drop by and create a scene called possession. Although it is getting less and less frequent, and understandably so, as no alien being these days would want to enter our screwed up dimension, not if they can help it, we still experience mass hysteria in schools and sightings of strange characters here and there. Throughout history back in the days of our forefathers it was taken for granted that there are those who have the ability to to call upon or pay a visit to these dimensions through the use  of 'magic' as westerners would call it.
I remember having written an essay for an interpersonal communication class at the University of Wisconsin- Green Bay about my initiation into the spiritual realm of the Malay Art of self defence called Silat . The initiation involved the invoking of 'spirit guides' or companions for the purpose of further developing our martial arts ability with extraordinary powers. I told of how I sat on the tiled floor in a small room surrounded by my teachers and fellow students with one of my instructors holding my hand and transmitting through his spiritual connection an entity into my consciousness. I remember all those people tapping the floor with their palms around me as my instructor was doing this and the tapping grew louder and louder as the circle moved in closer and 
closer to me. The it all silence and i find myself sitting in total darkness and i could not even feel the floor beneath me; I was in a void floating. Then I felt a presence like something was entering me from the top of my shoulders and neck area and I was taken possession of. I will not dwell on the details as it would bore you to death but suffice to say that it happened. I had a spirit companion and perhaps still do that helps me in times of dire need or when my life is in jeopardy. Believe it or not, well, what can I say there is not formula or equation to prove this and in the realm of infinite possibilities who is to say what is or what is not.
Off course my professor threw my essay into the garbage bin and accused me of making up the story. How dare i try to insinuate that we in our ignorance could invite or visit another from a parallel dimension. Had he been more insightful and engaged me in a deeper dialogue I might have enlightened him into the mysteries but he was too jaded in his western scientific thinking that he slammed the door in my face, end of story. Yes there are ways and means to penetrate the other dimensions at least those that exist in our realm of existence and every culture has its keys and rituals, procedures to accomplish this. The western minds in its narrow minded ways decides to call it the dark arts and as with most of these occult phenomenon that the western mind has no means of coping wiht the assumption is always negative. Science is now getting closer and closer to meeting up with the 'dark side' a it probes into the uncharted waters of the extraterrestrial. Perhaps what the western scientists hopes to find is an intelligent species of entities that knows how to communicate by using musical tones like in the movie Close Encounter. Scientists perhaps tries to deny the fact that other realms of existence may consist of entities just like us except in appearance, that they too trust and distrust mankind and his ways. They too choose to like or dislike to make our acquaintance, that record has shown that we as a specie are not the best to be left alon to our own demise.
We don't need aliens or satanic demons to destroy us, we are doing a grand job of it ourselves. 

CERN and Murphy's Law.

While the physicists are playing Gods and deities humanity for the most part are oblivious to what is happening at the CERN LHC complex. I asked as many of my friends if they had any idea of what LHC is all or even heard of it, most shook their heads sideways or looked at me like what in heaven's name is he talking about now! Yes most of us as sleep walking through our lives living like termites eating away at everything in our path with nothing else to be concerned about until the building comes down around us. Am I too paranoid over the whole episode? Perhaps I am and what do i know about physics and the workings of the matter and anti-matter or what it all boils down to. Why millions if not billions of dollars are being spent on just to split the atomic particles to an even smaller entities then they already are. Why don't i simply leave it all to the experts and spare the headache that it is causing me just thinking about it all.
The You Tube is loaded with videos of conspiracy theories accusing just about everyone especially the Catholic Church and the Pope himself for one thing or another. However the Muslim world as usual is mum on the matter, not a peep from anyone or country. What is there to say or be worried about after all, historically mankind did try to buld a tower high enough to reach the heavens in order to confront God and according to the scriptures God was not too happy about it and tore it down and scattered its builders to the four winds including depriving them from understanding one another; so much for their collective spirit. Today what is happening is not that much different at least the idea of being able to rival the Creator in creation itself. Recreate the Big Bang and cause another stir in the cosmos or so it seems. Murphy's law says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong well hopefully it is not Sod's law that will be put into motion. If it is God helps us all! What is Sod's law? 
Sod's law is a name for the axiom that "if something can go wrong, it will", with the further addendum, in British culture, borrowed from Finagle's law, that it will happen at "the worst possible time". This may simply be construed, again in British culture, as "hope for the best, expect the worst".[1
I hope someday I can tell my grandchildren that shit happened and I was there. It was the time when men decided to play God and transcend His style in an upgraded Creation scenario that took only a splitting of a sub atomic particle instead of six days. No doubt it took years of studies and a 27 mile long circular tunnel buried 300 feet below the earth's surface, but, hey we are only human. All it took God was to say "Be, and it Is." All I can say is just,"Let it be!" or in the words of Captain Picard of the Starship Enterprise "Make it so!"

Sunday, October 15, 2017

The CERN LHC experiment.

"To boldly go where no man has gone before..." This famous last wordsit of the Star Trek Sci-Fi series is what the CERN Project is all about. As the crew of the Star Ship Enterprise were willing to explore all the uncharted expanses of outer space with their captain James T. Kirk at the helm so does the young minds of the Cern Scientific community are will to take all the necessary and  unnecessary chances to explore the mysteries of the Creation and of the Universe. Yes there are risks involved and any miscalculation can prove catastrophic to the planet itself not as some claim even to the fabric of the Universe itself. What lies beyond the veils of our multi-dimension worlds is any good guess, it could be benevolent or malevolent, then this is what science is all about, to seek out the truth even if the truth hurts.
I am sure millions if not billions of dollars have been poured into the Cern Project and all the projects that are related to it through the years in preparation for its final goal whatever that may be. From Star Trek to Star Gate, the masses have been gradually honed towards having some sort of ideas of what is going on and what to expect, through fiction comes reality. Conspiracy theories will abound on every negative expect of the CERN Project and rightfully so as this mega scientific undertaking concerns us all as part of humanity; we cannot afford to play ignorance. The ramifications of the outcome of this project is no small matter that concerns only the scientific community and it has the blessings of most of the European nations as well as the  Untied States, Iran and China.. All that has been accumulating over the years with regard to UFOs and Multi-Dimensional worlds is now being put to the test and not to dismiss the religious as well as spiritual implications on the subject. "Opening the doorway to Hell" some theorists accuses CERN Project as proposing to do while others sees it as and an invitation to unknown alien entities or civilization asyet another possibility. It is up to us the lay man to at the very least try to understand this inevitable outcome one way or another.
The way I see it, humanity is at a cross road towards self destruction through our failure to alter our own history towards a more positive future. Wars, famine, degradation of the environment, we are shitting on the very late we eat our meals. What is the difference if mankind take its leap of faith through seeking an answer through a brave and audacious undertaking to find the answers to our ailments. it is our very own apathy and wanton disregard for the well being of this planet tht has driven the scientific minds of out times to take the chances and go for broke. It is also our egotistical nature to see things happens in our time rather than leave it to the future generation to make the discoveries of the nature or our existence. We asked for it in essence for this to happen and all i can say to my loved ones is be aware and be prepared to face whatever the outcome may be comes the 23rd. of this month when the LHC will fire up and shoot its most powerful force in its history in order to recreate the Big Bang...to boldly go where no mind has gone before; may the Grace of God be there for us all.

Saturday, October 14, 2017

I am concern about - Cern Hadron Collider.

I have just finished reading the novel "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown author of The Da Vinci Code and "Angels and Demons" and a few other great read. No doubt in my mind that dan brown is one of the Master story tellers of our time in the company of Steven King and Tom Clancy. This is my second read of the novel and as is the case it became more clearer to me the story line that primarily involves the mysteries of the ancient wisdom as handed down through the 'Free Mason' movement. I have had a great interest in the subject such as The Free Mason and The Rosicrucian, among other 'occult' schools of the ages.  I was  introduced to the study of these schools as i would call them early in my secondary school days when I was hanging out at the Penang State Library and stumbled upon a monthly magazine called "Man Myth and Magic". It was in this magazine that i came upon the works of Madam Blavatsky and Alistair Crawly, G.I. Gurdjief and later while in college i came upon the works of C.G. Jung which captivated my interest on the mystery of Alchemy among other things.
It was while I was travelling in Colorado Rocky Mountains that I was loaned a voluminous book called the "The Book of Secrets" said to have been very limitedly published, like 87 copies in all ( it is not by Deepak Chopra who has the same title for one of his book), Or I might have forgotten the real title. In this book i found the history of all the Metaphysical schools from the Egyptian trough the Greeks and Hindu and Chinese ancient schools of thoughts and wisdom. It was in Central City, Colorado that this happened and the book belonged to a couple living in a very small town of Black Hawk a few miles downhill from Central City. It was loaned to me as a favor to my host at the time of my stay with the American Artist Angelo De Benedetto at his studio in  Central City. I had told angelo that I had a vivid dream one morning and the in it someone was shouting at me that i was an Eclectic and i wondered wht it meant. In answer Angelo introduced me to his friends a couple who had a pottery shop in Black Hawk, who loaned me the book to read. It was in this large and ornate book that i was exposed to all the schools of ancient thoughts and wisdom of man through history.
Hence in essence I am not new to the studies of ancient schools of philosophies and wisdom and had my interest in the subject of occultism and such schools as the Free Masons and various other schools from all over the world since at a very early age just as i had been interested in religions due to my upbringing. I can easily relate to all these esoteric schools and subjects without feeling like I am learning about them the first time. Sometimes i feel like I was meant to be exposed to these knowledge as they seem to 'fall into my lap', at some point in my life. Was i meant to study these ancient wisdoms for a particular reason when other kids were busy with playing the guitar and having fun, I was wrapped into the mysteries of the ages. I still remember given as a present by a friend in college a book entitled, 'Thoth Trimegistus - the Hermetic teachings out of the blue and i was captivated by what i read.
Sadly enough I never tried to remember much of what i read but i was very much into understanding what i read. Till this day I still read pretty much the same way, understand but not memorize. I believe that my mind is capable of recalling whatever I have read or exposed to and to try to memorize what i read is like overloading my mind unnecessarily; I trust my ability to recollect if and when I need to. Off course it does not work all the time, but most of the time they come to me when I allow my mind to reflect on what i want to write about.As an artist i believe i have a photographic memory. however i have difficulty remembering what I do not understand when I read something: like reading  C.Jung's works or Frederick Nietzsche. However, true to my being an eclectic as told in my dream I picked out what made sense or relevant and dropped all else.
Today my mind is more concerned with what is developing in Cern, Switzerland with the Hadron Collider experiments being carried out there. It is Humanity's ambitious scientific project that causes much 'con-cern'. punt intended. The ramifications of such an undertaking is alarming to say the least and should i worry about it? The 'conspiracy theorists' are going wild about it and for good reasons. What is the intention of this enormous project and how is it suppose to benefit humanity as a whole? I think it is for all of us to ask and learn all we can about his upcoming event that will take place on the 23rd of September of this year. This is where as far as i am concern science will collide with ancient religious and spiritual wisdom. I will stop here and ask you to look it up yourselves on You Tube. 


Thursday, October 12, 2017

Just another random rambling over nothin in partucular.

As i browsed the You Tube on spiritual, consciousness and neorsciece dealing with the brain functions and so forth, I realized how my mind is lost in boredom looking for an escape to spend its time on. Mooji, SadGuru, TED Talks and a host of other videos pops up and i listened to this and that in parts as each seemed like a repeatition of what I have listened to before. What exactly is my mind looking for? What am I looking for? Why can't i just listen to some good music where i don't have to think much about and worse why don't I just watch a movie or some funny videos to waste my time away? Am I wasting my time away? What am i suppose to do that is other than what i am doing now? I am not disciplined in managing my time  someone said and I asked what exactly is this so called time management? 
If I am being employed, paid for my time, I understand that i hve the need to mnage my time to ensure a maximum productivity in the use of my time. If i am not on anyone else's clock why do i need to manage my time? Other than doing what needs to be done to a responsibility, or fulfill an obligation, I have to time to manage, I would rather sleep and dream some off the wall dreams than force myself to make plans in doing what I really have no desire or intention of going out of my way to do it just to justify the fact that I am being productive; I would rather be doing nothing in particular. Call it being lazy, or unproductive or even being irresponsible as a human being, I find that when I do nothing more things happen than when I force myself to 'do something'. As Sadguru keeps rambling on and on about turning a banana into a human being and Mooji Baba keeps telling me not to do this or that in order to be, I am still here wondering what it is all about at the end of the day.
The question still remains like a broken record, who or what am I? I am not the body, this i accept, I am not the mind, this too i accept, what remains? Who am I? This is my Zen Koan or mondo as it is called in the Zen Buddhist tradition. This seemingly simple question has burned a hole in my brain over the years, it has kept me  awake at night and haunted me in my darkest moments. I found answers here and there through religions and philosophies, through readings and listening to talks given by great minds, but as soon as it is over I am back to the same question. Every notion I came across as explained by others are just like water poured over a lotus leaf. Yes i realize that this too is my mind's game of 'wasting time'. but how does one not waste time? What is the criteria that says my time is not wasted? Am I wasting my time making this entry in my Blog? What good am I expecting to get from doing this day in day out till it becomes like an addiction? 
Come on mind! Why the hesitation? Yes. i hesitated to find the right answer or even the words to say what is in my mind. Is my mind really making this self enquiry? Or am i whatever the I  is, is doing it? Hesitate. Am I having a mental delusion from making something out of nothing, am i playing mind games with myself? Is this being creative/ Productive? A good justification to call myself a human being, a thinking animal that is crying out that I deserve to be here just like everyone else? Yes, it is a mental diarrhoea, a juggling of random thoughts to make sense out of non- sense; a waste of time? Should i quote Descarte, " I think, therefor I am"? or should i quote the Upanishads " I Am Atma-Brahman" or the Jewish God, "I Am That, I Am"? Again like a well worn broken record I am back to same delusional state of running in circles chasing my tail.  Someone suggested that i should go to India like everyone else with the same delusional mind and sit at the feet of a Guru till I find out who I truly am! How can another person tell me who I am? 
The Buddha spent a long time seeking for the answer and in the end is convinced that the self does not exist. Science has proven that even the physical body does not really exist and philosophers have throughout the ages argued this issue inside out and still are not convinced if they are right or wrong. In this realm of existence I am as real as i can get and what i do with myself whether I am wasting my time or otherwise is all i have till I wither away mentally and physically and die. In the meantime I have made my entry and fulfilled my obligation to myself of keeping and ongoing rambling as a means of juggling my mind when it gets too restless or bored. 

Sunday, October 08, 2017

What will become of my Island.

Man has been alloted a short lifespan that he fills it with all kinds of actvities and leisure and calls it life and living. Some men are born with a silver spoon in their mouth while others have to struggle all through their lives to make ends meet. if only they could share the burden from those who hav and those who have not.

Clingign on to a way of life as so called progress pushes you out to the sea to fend for yourself. This is the life of the fishermen in the Goergetown . Being on the outskirt of the World Heritage Claim, this enclave of Malay fishing community faces a very uncertain future. If and when this whole front is being developed as according to some developers plans, this tate will loose a part of its real heritage, not that of the preservation of Colonialism but the ways of the Malay fishermen.
I have  been visiting this area for more that a decade just to pass my time away capturing the its rustice beauty and making frineds with the locals in order to have a glimpse of the other side of life. As time progresses I see much dark clouds hovering in the horizon threatening to invade the peaceful landscaape around me. Such is the fate facing the fishermen who work out of this jety.

The Malays are not against development, it si the manner in which it is undertaken which they object to. They know they are loosing their heritage of being the original fishermen in the area ever since their parents settled along the coastal of the island. They object to being herded into low cost housing that disrupts their way of life especially as Muslims. 

Eversince the state was wrested from the Federal Government by the predominently Chinese oppositon party, the malays have been slowly but surely driven from their village lifestyle practically into the sea. Malay politicans are as good as how much they can gain from their elected positions by practically seeling off the malay rights and inheritence to the developers. Ask any Malay here and they will tell you of how it is the elected Malays themselves that sold them out.
This no doubt id a multi racial society that practices democracy as its system of governement, however more and more it can be seen that the Chinese led government is bound and determined to lessen the presence and influences of the Malays on the island. The Malays stands no chance against the financially strong Chinese backed by overseas Chinese such as Singapore, Hong Kong and Taiwan buying up the island piece by piece. The Federal government that is the only entity the malays could depend on is as helpless as a lame duck. 

The Malays in Penang as nowhere else in the country, are truly the victims of their own elected government officials in the 60 years of the country's independence. They nkow this but can do very little as the powers that be today have thfate in a strangle hold of economic as well as political agendas. Penang is destined to loose her heritage and become another Singapore or Hong Kong with the Malays becoming the servants to their wealthy Chinese masters.

Friday, October 06, 2017

Do I exist?

"Hello! Hello!, is there anybody out there?...
Pink Floyd.

If there is no 'self' to be talked of then who is making this Blog entry and who is reading it? According the many latest scientific as well philosophical understanding especially of the mind and of consciousness itself, ithat the self that we assume to be who we are does not really exist in reality. We are all part and parcel of the 'whole' manifesting as individuals in this realm of consciousness. That of who we 'think as who we are is in reality is just that; consciousness itself. We have evolved to become who we think we are through the process of conditioning and assimilation and adaption throughout our lives. From the day we were conceived till the day we die we are constantly being made to accept the tribal, societal and national norm in which we are being exposed to. Our minds is a product of the neurological functioning of our brain which is a power house and the source to our ability to function as who we are in this realm of existence; the physical or Nirmanakaya of the Buddhist realm. 
As the scientists and the contemporary philosophers delve into the nature of our existencewhat is true and what is deeper and deeper, we are set upon with numerous questions and issues that demands our attention if we are indeed true seekers of the truth. Religions are being bombarded by questions and new discovereis in their authenticity and purity and no religion is free from the scrutiny of the modern day thinkers and through acheological studies and the new  discoveries of historical facts, religions has become a spiritual jig saw puzzle with every new discovery made raising doubts and confirmations as the case may be. Science is gradually taking the lead in bringing human understanding of religions in the context of human understanding of who or what we truly are. The question "Iis there a God" or Life after death, heaven and hell and so forth, is being put under the microscope, dissected and studied from all angles and sources with the aid of the easily accessible information in this technological age of mass communication.
The Buddha is said to have said that, "For so long as there is an 'I', man will go through the life of suffering; I = suffering. Hence, no 'I', no suffering.  How does one come to a personal understanding of this idiom.  It would be next to impossible for a lay Muslim to accept this dictum as it goes against every tenets and principles of the religion. Man is created as an being with a soul and a body primarily and according to the Quran, Allah (SWT) created man and Jins for no other reason than to worship the One True God. Christianity on the other hand professes that only through Jesus (PBH) can man find his salvation. Hinduism teaches that it is man's realization of his Atma Brahman, his ultimate Divine Consciousness that is the goal of his liberation. In all of these beliefs and practices throughout the ages there has always been an 'I' that needs to be understood and dealt with at least spiritually. There was never a time when the 'I' does not exist as everytime we communicate we begin with an I. We acknowledge that there is an entity witihn that is distinct from all else 'otu there'. This I, the self, is a common denominator among man universally. "I Am, That I Am!" The Lord said unto Moses and I am Atman, the spiritual principle of the Universe, according to Hinduism. So, who or what is 'I'? The I that we grew up with and spend a great deal of the time defending it against any form of attack or threats albeit socially or physically.


Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Haji Israel's Bakery - Kuala Terengganu

I stay with my nephew and his family whenever i return to Kuala Terengganu and here I am being treated with Love and respect to an uncle and a grand incle. 

Due to competition the sales has been not as lucratiive but the spirit of making it togehter as a family business is very much alive.

The handed down family tradition of making bread will stayon to the next generation.

The days when the bakery was fired with wood is long gone.

Time to be creative with your products.

A Family that works together stays together.

The eldest of my nephews is a very strong and dedicaated religious man devoting his life for his family despite his physical pains.

Monday, October 02, 2017

Terengganu Darul Iman.

My mind is going through a loop in figuring out what is it that makes for the truth of being who I am. My trip to the East Coast has in some ways  has woken me up to parts of me that has been laying dormant in the subconscious particularly in my religious understanding or my faith. After having a long and meaningful converstion with my friend Fadzly Mubin, a computer engineer as well as a professional photographer, it dawned upon me that I am not too far off the mark in my chosen path towards self discovery. All my years of searching and trying to understand what is it that matters most in my life, I came to realize the simple truth that all it takes is to be able to love with the unconditional love that only God can have towards His creation. Fadzly, my close friend of over ten years laid it out for me as we drove from one end of Kuala Terengganu to the other in his car and at our stops at the coffee shops, that it is through the power of Love that we worship the Lord just as it is also through the same power that he created the Universe and man.
Fadzly Mubin

Terengganu Darul Iman, which means the Abode of Faith is for me a place that has been like a religious energizer especially as a Muslim. Each state in the country carries such similar 'titles', like for example the state of Pahang has Darul Makmur or the Peaceful Abode, Johor Darul Takzim or Abode of Dignity and so forth. Hence having spent a good part of my life in this East Coast state of the Abode of Faith it is somehow appropriate that I keep returning to it to rejuvenate my faith every now and then especially when I feel at my lowest ebb. The people themselves are very deeply religious,    more so than other states or so it seems. Early one morning while staying at the Awi's Yellow House on the banks of Pulau Duyong, I heard from no less than six mosques and suraus from all directions around me the call for the Subuh or morning prayer. While driving to the work site in Kerteh about 80 kilometers south from Kuala terengganu before the sunrise as i usually did, I would see women in all white long prayer dresses walking towards the mosque or nearby suraus to pray, it moved me to see how pious these people were.
The Crystal Mosque located. along the  Terengganu River
        I was converted to Islam at the age of twelve while living in Terengganu after moving there from Penang where i was being raised as a Buddhist cum Muslim, ( long story told already somewhere in this Blog). My experience of the event was not a good one as it was a painful experience having my penis circumcised. I bore it as best i could but my true conversion happen when I met my martial arts instructor and was taken under his wing. In his own way he opened my eyes to what Islam meant beyond the rituals, I discovered what faith meant, what surrender meant and what it was to become a good Muslim. i did not qualify by a long shot as i was even back then too angry and twisted in my ways to accept faith. He told me once that i have a long way ahead of me to truly become a true Muslim. I did not fully understood what he meant then but today after all the years of roaming in blindness searching for my own true faith, I have come to realize what he meant.
The Solat, or Prayer- five times a day.

I consider it a blessing even to this day if i could pray the full five times a day prayers as is obligatory in Islam. it is not that i have no faith in my Lord, but I simply feel not really connected when I do these prayers. It is almost like i am doing it simply because...I pray in my heart all the time, talking to my Lord and asking for His forgiveness and blessings and I do this every time I meditate or contemplate in silence. It is during these moments that i felt closest to The all Mighty; not when I pray the regulated prayers. perhaps I will never be able to fulfill the mandatory prayers, but in my heart i feel the presence of the Divine every time my hearts is free from all my mental clutters and I find the silence in me. If my way is not acceptable by the Muslim standard then i am truly screwed as at my age I find it harder to abide by the rules of the religion. All i can hope for is His infinite Mercy and Understanding. 

Sunday, October 01, 2017

My Days in Kuala Terengganu - Mr. Rafi aka Pok Piy

My friend and confidant  for the last fifteen years or so. A man who was born and raised in Penang and later worked as a seaman and moved to the east Cost state of Kuala terengganu where he married a local and settled down there.  For rafi being who he is is in being expressive and direct when he shares his mind, always curious and always mindful.

I have had many teachers and friends in my life, men who directed and guided me when i  miss the mark or took a wrong turn, Rafi is one of those, Having raised five of his own and two step daughters, Rafi is a juggler when it comes to family survival and well being.. In his simple ways he makes things happen that  met his responsibilities and as a father he is the epitome of what a challenge it can be.

A  Man turning to spituality as he age, Rafi, in his younger days has been a  'Runner" in the georgetown area of Penang  where he delivers ' Ganja' among other things to buyer and he was an  expert in Rooster fights and raised them as a hobby.. He raised birds and the last time i visited him he  landed himself in the hospital having been bitten by one of his pet monkies.

In the background is my twin brother's mansion by the sea, he was not home when we arrived, Rafi can carry out a converstion with just about anyone and on just about any subject and he is a good listener that can persuade others to talk, one of the reason i enjoy his company.. 

In my life i  have a few close friends who i confide in in with when i need to and sometimes this happens  without having to talk but simply being in their presence. These persons in my life are my 'reviewers', the mirror i use to reflect my py progress in life, and i theirs.

As we grow older our minds turn towards religion and spirituality, getting in touch with  what lies ahead after this all ends. I have not been very good at the routine daily prayers but when I am in their company, men like these moves me to do my duties towards God in the more obligatory ways like the rest of the Muslims; it is some how so simple yet so hard to genuinely carry out.  

Mohammad Rafi having a good rapport with one of my nephews who lives closeby in the same neighborhood. I hope thes two will works together  helping each other out in dealing with their day needs as fathers..As the economy of the country keeps sliding into the darin and the coming election looming up ahead, these men needs to get their heads if not their acts together to survive the next monsoon. 

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Off to the East Coast, I am.

". Only in his country and among his own people is a Prophet without honor." Who said this? I cannot remember but I think it s one of Mooji's quotes from someone else. But it is not relevant who said it, it is more importantly if it is true  Tonight I will take the express bus from Georgetown to Kuala Terengganu to visit my family and friends there. Why? Mostly to get away and recharge my energy, clear my head, hope for some new and challenging or perhaps inspiring events that will help me get back on track. I have been spending too much time on the computer and not much in anything else, not healthy for my mind and body, I can just feel the decadence and slothfulness setting in. I am not saying that i have wasted my time entirely, but I need to have my change of pace.
Hopefully I will find some new ideas or even inspiration to get back into my creative space.
I also miss the swim in the South China Sea which I have always in the past accepted as a very healing endeavor physically mentally and spiritually. I used to swim almost every morning when I was livng there upon returning in 1998 from Japan. My sinus  problems especially disappeared and when I am floating around on my back chanting to myself from the verses in the Quran I felt the vibrations entering my body from the silence of the water around me as my ears were like they were in a vacuum. I remember an incident whereby I was floating half submerged in the salt water and chanting, in Arabic the line, "From Him I came to Him I return," I  was not aware for how long i was doing this until I heard a knock of wood on wood and immediately i felt like I was in a coffin and then I heard a voice saying in the Terengganu dialect, " Maybe not this morning, but you have a bit to far off from the beach. I lifted my head from the water and found a sampan or fishing boat closeby and the Malay fisherman looking down at me. 
Another morning I was doing the same thing and sudden I felt a very rough scaled what i believe was a large fish brushed against my side and scared the living daylights out of me. When i lifted my head and looked around me i found myself having drifted so far from the beach that I could only see the tops og the coconut trees lining the shoreline. I started swimming for my life towards land thinking that i was about to be a shark bait. I was living right close to the beach at the time a place called Pantai Puteri, at Gong Badak, which is next to the airport runway as it ends into the sea. This was my meditation practice almost every morning as the sun begins to rise when the sea was always calm as a mirror and the water warm. During this time there was hardly a soul all along the seashore as far as my eyes can see and I had it all to myself.
My other excuse for leaving is to give my daughter a little break from having her dad around all the time, I am sure she could use some private time to herself in the apartment. Npw that the next door neighbor had just moved in I am nott as wooried that she will be all alone on the floor of the apartment building. my trip will hopefully give her the spce all to herself for a week or so and that she wwwill learn to take care of herself, yes I worry too much about her sometimes. 
Well it is almost time to go and here's to all the good wishes for a favorable journey shrt as it may seems but a change of pace nonethe;ess,

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

As life goes on...

I must admit a little sense of pride in me when I see the number of hits for this Blog was more than five hundred thousand. The ego has its need too. Now if i had been making a dime for every hit I would have been well off by now. But that's was not the original intention for having the Blog. My original intention was to share my journey and experiences to those who enjoy reading and expanding their minds towards right understanding of who they are; those who work themselves towards awakening from this sleep walking in life. I am assuming off course but I hope I am correct in this assumption and that as I keep sharing it will also become a process of healing, for myself as well as others.
It is said that if you do something often enough you will one day master it; I hope I have about mastered the ability to write and share my personal thoughts, views and ideas worldwide. What started off as journal of self discovery has now evolved into a documentation of a 'Way of Life'; the Art of Living. Watch out for the small miracles, they do happen, trust in who you are and have the will to make things happen. Will yourself often enough and sooner than later your intention comes to be. "Kun faya kun!" or say be and it is. This is the divine power within all of us, we can make things happen if we can quiet the mind and allow for the subconscious to deliver whatever is most appropriate in answer to our immediate need. Trust in our own inner feelings and intuitions is paramount in making decisions that would affect relationships, step back and allow for things to happen without too much attachment or detachment, observe with bare attentions and tackle with skilfull means the phenomenon of the world.
Do not turn problems you have in life into a cancer case and don't sweat the little things in life, it is too short and by the time you have understood the whole mystery you would be too old to enjoy it or discover that others have done a whole lot better and earlier than you anyways. I am letting my mind ramble on and so if my thoughts are unconnected it is simply because...I m presently listening to The Best native Music Ever on You Tube it has Native Americans chant in it and is played over and over for an hour; it is a healing music. The sceneries of the American wilderness is awe inspiring and mesmerizing, it reminds me of my travels through the South West States of New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. All I can say is i am blessed to have been able to witness these scenes up close and personal. My "South West trip took me to many great national monuments that moved me body,mind and spirit in more than one way. So as i listen to this haunting, spiritual chant and the o the drums rising and falling like waves, I allow my mind to keep itself busy.
On a personal note, went for an eye check and was told i have catarracts and need an operation. Wnet to consult a specialist and was told that my eyes are in deed at a developed stage of catarract and the operation would cost RM3700 per eye! Such Is.


Monday, September 18, 2017

Where are You at?

I am sailing on uncharted waters in my journey, I am walking on thin ice, I am pushing it so to speak. Instead of writiting to remind myself, of who or what I am, I am beginning to preach, like become a Guru; yes that is alright too! What good is all the writing if nothing worthwhile comes of it at the end of the day? There is always good soft music going on in your head, thanks to You Tube, your choice is limitless. what else do you need to occupy the space and time you have on you hand because you cannot sleep. Perhaps sitting too much? One who practices 'sitting meditation' or as the Zen Buddhist calls Za Zen, has a mind that is most loud and restless, the mind like the four horse pulling a chariot in four directions, also known ans 'the Monkey Mind.' This busy mind is not who I am, I am the observer for lack of a better description, the oIne who reflects upon what is going on with the busy mind. I am also not the body, this that is making thoughts appear and making as much sense as Woody WoodPecker on a slow day.
So I stop acting, I become, I am, That, I AM! I sit Za Zen every chance I get and now my lower back pains is acting up and why I also cannot sleep. So what to do? I could act like I am sleeping and dreaming even, but I can also share my thoughts or the insights that came to me when I sat, Za Zen. You sit with your spine erect to its most vertical posture without too much force just comfortable enpugh to almost feel pain or discomfort and this you achieve through breathing. 
The spinal column is the central pillar of the human form that holds it all together and through it flows the vital energy, the mattow is the conduit. A vertical line, 'Alif', the first of the Arabic letters, the letter 'I' is the vertical and so is Coit Tower in Downtown, San Francisco. When you have found your most comfortable position, it takes time, your mind too will slow down, the four horses starts to gallop as a whole till they finally run as one. Some calls it Samadhi, some calls it Satori, You are at peace within and without, In the silence of the mind, when the chariot runs smoothly like one is riding on air, then you will start hearing music and birds singing in the background; you are home. this is where you rest, that silent space between two thoughts is worth more than any sleep that I think the body needs. In this interval between two thoughts is the window into eternity even if it lasts as brief as a lightning on a sunny day, if and when your mind and consciousness is present completely at a point time, you become whole, you merge with the Universe, the Force, the One call it by what Name you will.

Lines drawn in the soil. 
To be or not to be, stop acting and start becoming. Your acting days are over it is time you recognize and accept your role and play it to the best of your ability, worthy being called a man. 

My Latest Studio 1

This is where it is all happening.

Have Breath will Live!

This is my craft, my choice of expertise, I hope that when I leave I would leave a legacy for the younger generation of my life's experiences almost day to day as it happens. This is a lengthy Blog that pans over ten years and hopefully will go on for a few more, Insha'Allah. Life is about looking within and sharing it out there. Its is about being able to turn what could have been a long boring life into one that is worth reading about. It is my wish that my endeavor as a Blogger is in some small way a contribution towards the understanding of the human mind,;mine.  Making this Blog entries have become an addiction, just another among the many that I suffer from; not all are bad, some help me to see beyond the veils of reality, to break through the illusions, to see what Is.
To strike a balance between all the elements of the Yin and Yang in  the body as well as the mind and the spirit  is the key to a healthy living. I wish I can keep to this diet but I am still a novice in this game of life: but I do my best. Moderation is the key to balance, the Buddha taught of the Middle Path, as I am sure almost all religions in one form or another preach the same. Any form of extremism will offset the balance within and without and cause discomfort of 
one form or another throughout the body mind and spirit. To be in close contact wiht all the energies that runs all over your form is crucial to your energy management. Sit and watch your mind, body and spirit at least once and day to revue what what has transpired in the course of a day in existence. You can call it rewind or unwinding your day or night if you also do the same when you wake up in the morning; SIT! Be still and just watch and breath- in and -out. Sit fifteen minutes or half an hour, sit before you make your next move, or begin a new day. This is one practice that i have been doing for many years now; just Sit.
I do not teach but merely sharing that which I have leaned throughout my adult life all over the world wherever I have lived my life,  worked and put myself through college, raised a family and did it in manners in which many envied. For better or worse I have arrived here, where I am at looking at life through the prism of my heart and sharing it many of my friends all over the world; thanks to this Miracle of the Internet. You will never know the whole truth, but what is worth sharing I share what is is not I will take it with me to the grave to be recycled. Fpr so long as i am still following my breath in this life i will strive to become that perfectly enlightened being, fully awakened and liberated from this life of Maya; Illusions. When you sit you breath, and feel that you are breathing in -out -in and out. Breath is the bridge that connects between the living and the dead, the body and the mind, the herein is the beginning of the dual thinking mind, the opposites, in and out. For so long as you are breathing you are attached to this world like it or not. How often do we remind ourselves in the course of a say, "Hey! I am breathing!,How incredible can that be?" 
Have breath will live!



Sunday, September 17, 2017

Looking out from my apartment building.

Woke up this morning to a shocker discovery.

Sleeping comfortably all night long to the sound of the falling rain  and then this!

Ye sit reminds one of the monsoon season  along the East Coast, but this is Georgetown.

This i sadi to be the result of  the sea being at high tide and the  spin off from the Typhoon that hits Vietnam. a few days ago.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Recognizing the Source.

In the last few days i have pretty much written my heart out about anything and everything that my mind has been hankering about, it is like a belated spring cleaning of my conscious mind as well as insights into what my subconscious has to say about my stand on issues. I am about fully recuperated from my physical ailments and my itches in between my legs has fully healed and cleared. I have been keeping a more or less balanced diet and taking my medications for my high blood pressure on top of practicing my self healing routines, through meditation and auto suggestions, through awareness as well as silent prayers. I'm feeling better now as a whole and am ready to take on the next event that lay ahead of me, whatever that might be. I look forward to engaging myself with a more challenging and creatively rewarding venture.
Spent the afternoon with Lee Khai where we went to his optometrist to take a look at my eyesight, After the look and see i was told that it is useless for me to get a pair of glasses as I have cataracts in them and needs for an operation of sorts. So the next medical odyssey begins, like it would cost in the thousands for an operation in a private hospital a a wait of eternity if one is to go to the General Hospital, it looks like a long wait is the choice or a slow process of blindness before my time. As one gets up there in age one after another one is confronted with ailments, illnesses and all kinds of other wonders of the impermanence of life. All that exist will eventually cease to be and the process began the moment you were born.
But no regrets, however having had such good visions for so many years that has allowed me to draw and paint, to reads hundreds if not thousands of novels and hours of You Tube and Face Book, to have stared at women and to have witnessed amazing sights and scenes all over the world; if I loose my sights now it would be a blessing in disguise. i might create a whole new experience of living in a formless and colorless world and to have greater faith on the sense of hearing touch and taste to live by. One of my discovery about having blurry vision is that I pay allot less attention to my external surroundings. figures and faces does not register much more into my vision and my mind. For one who is trying to detach himself  as much as he can from the external circumstances and environment, loosing the eyesight at least partially would not be such a bad idea.
A few minutes ago  I was informed that the cost towards having an operation for my eyes would be born by my first son   
, the Captain who was informed of my status and decided what he would.do. My daughter is in touch with all three of her brothers keeping them updated on how their dad is doing and what he needs. I must admit I am moved by such care and help from my children and can't help but feel blessed despite my doubts; Such Is. It is yet another prove of my own doubts about myself, my conscious mind assuming and accepting the worse in my life only to realize that I am more than I can imagine and help is always readily available if I can allow for it to happen. 
The most crucial help that I often tend to overlook is that help that is inherent within me, my subconscious mind. This mind within the mind, the subjective mind has always been there throughout my life and  whenever I have exhausted my dual thinking conscious mind my subconscious mind would intervene and provide the solution to my problems especially if it involves the inner workings of the physical body. The subconscious mind is like the archive of all my possibilities and is readily available to serve my conscious demands. It serves subjectively without discrimination of right or wrong, it serves according to the demands of the conscious mind, Hence a positive demand results in positive response, and if it done repetitiously every day before you sleep and when you wake up, something is bound to happen in you life. How dedicated are  we towards becoming an independent entity capable of self sustenance and self healing? Or are we still too busy in our daily quest for fame and fortune or the security of our creature comfort, our secured future.
In healing we need not worry as the medical services today is much up  to date with whatever that is the you have and there is pill or two for every ailment to help you bear the pain. We have become dependent upon the doctors and medical specialists for our well being so much so that healthcare has become one of the most lucrative business in the world next to arms sales and human and drug trafficking.

"I am now writing in my subconscious mind, the idea of God's wealth. God is the source of my supply and all my needs are met   at every moment of time and point in space, God's wealth flows freely, joyously and ceaselessly into my experience and I give thanks for God's riches forever circulating in my experiences." 
Joseph Murphy - Repeated affirmation - meditation - mantra.


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

List of a few of my Missing Art works.

This large piece has has disappeared and i wonder who has it in their collections . It took me a few years to  be satisfied with the end product ubt it still needs that elusive magic that makes a apinting such as this  awesome.

One of my missing paintings Acrylic & oil on Board. 4x 4 feet??

One of the larger pieces i did that i felt somewhat attached to has been missing for a while now along with a few other larger pieces. I hope they find good walls to hang on. Whoever owns this piece know that it was never sold or given away to anyone. Last seen at the MGTF USM. storage area by the exit door in the rear of the building.
This is another missing piece of artwork, it just disappeared after an exhibition at the Alpha Utara Gallery . It is of two panels and measure four feet by five roughly. It is acrylic and oil on hard board.

Where is this painting today? This piece too went missing after a show somewhere. It seems like I lost a piece or two of my works everytime i had an exhibition here in Georgetown. Herein lies my lack of enthusiasm in doing anymore art for art's sake. My fault, what cn i say, i trust others to act accordingly but the need to make money outweighs right and wrong in my experience. Yes, i aught to have been more careful and keep an account of my works.

I am a good artist but a poor businessman, I am hopeless when it comes to selling my works  and not having a proper storage place my works tends to float around here and there until they vanish for good. My bad!


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Chop wood, carry water..

Humanity needs healing the last century ago. We can ignore the fact an d continue on living in denial, in imagination or in dreams , sleep walking our way towards oblivion, or we can each and every one can help another to awaken. Give that tap on the shoulder, or say hello on the phone, keep a facebook account, keep in touch with reality. Only through mass communication and mass education can man stand a chance to bring back coherence in our collective human consciousness today or loose it all to chaos and insanity of yet another Mother of Wars. Mankind is on the brink of self destruction as we let alone the proliferation of our insatiable thirst for Greed, Hate and Ignorance; it has become a cancer in our blood and tainted our DNA  forever setting back the human evolution genome from evolving further into a specie of light. We are wrapping ourselves in a cocoon of darkness of ignorance, of cravings and wantings, clinging on to and hoarding what we don't need. we ignore the fact that this life is impermanent and everything that exist will cease to exist and nothing not a state mind can be taken with when we die.
We need to heal. Each and every man is responsible to his brother in sharing information, of wisdom, of spirituality of the sciences and the life hereafter, it is our duty to our fellow man to share our understanding limited as it may be. To become Masters in our own fields is a goal worth pursuing, this is who we are, we are a specie that strives for Perfection and Beauty, Pride and Nobility, we are a specie that can also evolve into Despair and Insanity, Decadence and Destruction. We are a specie capable of killing another for no apparent reason or to make a point. We have in the course of our history, created the best of the best in the Arts and the sciences, in Sports and in the Business World, We have evolved into a competitive society rather than a collective one. Man has over developed his competitive nature and it has made the ability to sharing obsolete; Nothing is for free in this land of freedom.
The Internet is the miracle of this century, The Lord has given man his final instrument of  collective salvation. The ability to share knowledge and eradicate ignorance as world wide we possibly can. Awake! Awake! Stay Awake! Don't let them fool you! Do not be afraid to ask, who are you? or answer who am I, when in the course of an everyday chit chat at the coffee shop. What is existence all about, Is there God if there is how come He is hiding? Share all about quantum physics with the cab driver or the fisherman, they may look at you like you are a fool or lost a marble or two or they might turn on you and become the Zen Master, taking you for a walk. The very tool that can decimate the entire planet from the face of the earth can also become its saving grace. The computer is our miracle if we use it like the Masters that we claim ourselves to be and help to propagate collective healing effort from around the globe. To simply bring the information into the consciousness of the next person is a good start. Don't be afraid to ask your mom at breakfast table, "Mom! Why are we prejudice against others?" It  might throw her into a mental loop or it might make her stop to ponder if she is feeding you enough oats for breakfast. Whatever the reaction, it will;be the time stopper, the shakedown of the consciousness factor and might even be that split second moment of Satori, a moment of enlightenment, from heightened mental jugglings that was brought to  a stand still by a simple question such as .Who are you? ; the tap on the shoulder.
Who are you? Who Am I? Who is asking? Who is making this observation of the observer of asking this question...who am I? Did i evolve from a frog or did my ancestors came from Abraham and Adam. What is my purpose of my being here other than to occupy space and suck in air.  When it is all said and done and my allotted time has played itself out what happens when i die? Do not hide behind religions for you answers, leave God out of the equation and find out the truth through your own volition, with your own mind and feel it within your own heart, that this is indeed the truth I have been missing; ah, so simple...so ordinary, how did I miss it. 
Before awakening,
chop wood and carry water.
After awakening, 
carry water, chop wood.


Monday, September 11, 2017

Life Sahring is not a myth.

We are here together, gathered in a collective spirit in order to learn and and to share.

There is a hidden beauty all each and everyone of us and it shows in our smil; smile more often.

If there is anything worth saving it is the family, your immediate family may not be the one you save as the Universe is your family.

Even for the brief moment like the shutter speed of the camera, as brief as lightning, one catches a  glimpse of the Divine in all of us. 

Our path may never cross again in this life  after this meal, but I would like you to know that  you will always be in my heart, Spaniard!

He is on the way to becoming a shaman.

Expressing  who I am through Art.

What is Unconditional Love? The  Christ Love..