Friday, December 23, 2016

Time to sleep!

Enough is enough, time to withdraw into the inner dimension of who I am and let the outside realm takes care of itself; all hell can break loose, I have to take a step back into my foxhole and contemplate. I had to let my mind express what my feelings were over the past few weeks with regard to the issues developing around the world simply because it is my way or letting it be known the i was present when things were not so pleasant in this dimension as of this moment. However i find myself getting sucked into feeling negative over the whole matter and it is causing me energy drainage unnecessarily. Simply put, there is not much the i can do if people are being butchered all around the world and if there is i would only be adding on to the suffering already going on. So suffice to say that my expressing my feelings over the matter through my writing this Blog of the matter is my way of doing something about it. 
When Gautama the Buddha was about to depart from the palace, his home to seek for answers to the question life and suffering, he looked upon his wife and child sleeping in his bed chamber. He had named his son Rahula which means, tether or something like a tie up pole or hitching pole. Saying good bye to his wife and child was the hardest thing for him they were his tethers. In my life I tried to not be too attached to my wife and children or for my closest friends for that matter. I often find myself moving away or stepping back from getting too close to them and i call it my retreat and ironically my son Karim once called it an escape. Perhaps it is and i am not as responsible as i should be towards my loved ones. I have my own rationale however, i am a solitary bird that is on a mission to find out and that perhaps is my curse and also my blessings. I had decided that i would not abandon my children for so long as there is one that needs my presence if for nothing else just and emotional support and comfort. I am glad to see that my daughter is finally getting to become a lady of substance and capable of standing on her own. I hope that the day will come soon when I too can say my farewell to my children and continue my solitary journey of self discovery and inner awakening/
Over the years i have prepared the groundwork for my future as well as my children and perhaps it was out of ignorance that i had tried to project what I would like to happen ideally back in my younger days, however today much of what i had envisioned had taken shape and not only as i had desired but in many ways surpasses my expectations. Oh, life has not been all smooth sailing no doubt, but what had turned out is more exciting than can be expected for one who ask for little of this life and expects even less. One of the image i see of myself from my younger days is that I am as Alan Watts, the Zen philosopher once coined as an 'elegant beggar'. I find my accepted role to have manifested itself today, living hand to mouth and owning practically not a thing worth calling a property. I live off others kindness and sympathy and i am broke most of time: I am happy, I feel light and other than my own self inflicted worries and pain, I am quite contented.
I am getting ready for an exhibition of my works scheduled in March of next year. I have some ideas of what i would do but am still not positive the exact nature of my show as yet and so i am working on it. It is not that i am sitting on my fingers with not much to do but i am doing what i want to and not at the dictates of anyone else's. There is no time clock to punch and if i am not happy with what is going on about my life i simply take a long nap,  

1 comment:

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