Thursday, October 20, 2016

Moaning and Groaning is part and parcel of life.

I need R300 to get my car paper works taken care of and till now am still wondering where it is going to fall from. I need money to fix my decaying teeth four or five needs to be removed as they are causing so much pain just about every day and night and I need money to get my eye sights fixed as i am beginning to see more haze even when it is raining and no haze is being reported in the area. I need money to buy some new art materials as i am scouring the last bit from my tubes of paint and no new canvases to work from. Last but not least i need money to pay for my loan of R5700 or be crucified in court financially and that is not taking into consideration of my daily subsistence. Yes I need, I need I need!
However, thank the good Lord for small favors in the form of relatives and friends who has made it possible form me to not just call it quit and hang myself. Such is suffering like it or not, just got to get it out and over with, so there is less pressure building up in the cooker which incidentally has been the cause of my
incessant migraine headache of late. I had not been writing much lately simply because... what is there to write about that would make reading a more pleasant and uplifting experience for others. Sharing one's dirty linen in public is frown upon by most, but I am sharing it anyway because not to is more destructive as it is my way of letting off the steam or trying to make sense of my life, my thoughts and my feelings and my Blog was started off with this intention in mind; it was not meant to entertain the general public. I chose to write my life out so that it can be sorted out through self discovery where errors made are mended and mistakes are learned from and changes made. It was not intended to have a following of readers but like everything that is kept on going for a long time, it is bound to grow and collect followers.
Hence this Blog has evolved into an open diary that hopefully will be of help to some who has taken their time to peruse and reflect upon what it has to offer in between the lines of hidden thoughts and ideas. For what it is worth this Blog has gathered a life of its own, for it keeps on demanding that i write like it or not; it has become another addiction. It is not as bad as it seems, truth be told and truth is the key to writing about my life as often, like it or not truth hurts worse than four rotten teeth, or loosing my sense of sight or the humiliation of having to beg for my daily bread. But, for as long as I am breathing and am able to get to this location to make my daily entry, I am not doing too bad as things could have been worse like trying to survive in Syria or forced to live the life of a refugee looking for shelter from the storm. 
Thus I am grateful for what i have or lack thereof as my life is still a breeze compared to most and i am blessed with a beautiful and loving daughter who despite her own trials and tribulations is always there with a smile on her face whenever she sees me. I am glad that through all these she has grown into a strong and willful individual; another survivor. My three sons, well there is not much that can be said as each and everyone of them has their own life to traverse and it is doubtful that I am of any major concern in their itinerary at present. If one believe in Karma than Karma it is that I am being punished for, my past lack or reverence towards the family life and filial piety, but it is not worth regretting of water under the bridge as it cannot be made to reverse its course any more than one can undo what has been. So as i have often reiterated in the past, it is a matter of how do i turn shit into compost and grown new crops that can be of benefit to others yet to come; so making sense out of non-sense is perhaps my way of atoning for my sins. The physical and mental anguish over lack of funds and so forth are just manifestations of my inner state of being in this body and still breathing. 
I feel Lighter already! Time to be creative, Time to paint.        

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