Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Looking In- Looking Out.

As one's daily practice gets deeper and more pronounced with age and time more and more of the mundane daily existence becomes less and less important. More and more relationships slips away into history while the immediate and the now becomes more distinct and transparent. I am beginning to witness my mind slowly slipping away from it incessant ramblings as soon as i begin to sit and do my breathing exercises. I do this three times a day and the most effective time is when i find myself awaken in the early morning hours, like three in the morning. Even as i begin to sit i can feel my whole body aligning itself beginning with the spinal column straightening into a perfect vertical pillar ending with a snap at the lower neck area, like it is locked into position. This would happen without my intervention or involvement it seems to happen on its own accord. Then I could feel my whole chest and abdominal area expanding and contracting to the fullest capacity and there would be followed by the stretching and relaxing of the muscles throughout my physical form; it is like a total alignment of the physical structure. 
My anus region would squeeze shut and this would further stimulate the spinal column to rearrange itself with a wave of motion leading from the coccyx to the top of my skull and again snapping in a locking motion at the lower back of my skull. Silence! Only the sound of my breath is audible and i would drift into a peaceful state of equanimity and balance. This state does not last long but it often ends with my feeling the need to express gratitude towards the Divine and in my case being a Muslim, I would utter in my heart "Alhamdullilahi Rab ul Alamin" or  Thank You, Lord of the Universe. This is when i truly feel the presence of that which i worship in Spirit. In this state of quietude, the need to become over zealous with a sense of power within myself can sometimes be a negative distraction as my small or ego self tends to jump in and makes claims over my state of being in touch with my true nature. 
" I am not the body; I am not even the mind." This has been my 'Mantra' while i sit and breath in and out and this form of exercise is taught by Sad Guru on You Tube. I have been putting it to practice along with all else that i have thus far accumulated in my daily practice and i find it to be very effect in getting my mind to quiet down. I also is beginning to have a significant effect in my daily interpersonal communication with those i come into contact with. I am beginning to feel a little more detached from the external realm and more focused in what I attempt in the present moment. It is like I am beginning to find my physical form as well as my mental states are just mere tools by which if I properly put to use can accomplish more than I am used to in the past. Dropping away most of that which is irrelevant and eclectically utilizing that which can be put to use by skillful means.
The negative effect of this state of mind , If it can be called that, is the fact that i am becoming more sensitive towards others in their personalities and traits, their weaknesses and errors which i find sometimes very distasteful and have to keep reminding myself not to judge and detach form being involved with clear conscience and equanimity. To walk away without any attachment or feeling of needing to detach from as all that I am experiencing in others are merely my own reflections; my own ego nature. I have to learn to let it be and let it go without feeding any of it energy or making more of what is there and taking it for reality. They are all my mental perceptions, impulses and consciousness playing in the realm of the physical as well as the mental states. "I am not the body, I am not even the mind."
Who or what am I? This is the on going quest I am still embarked upon and with the help on my Gurus, teachers and friends from the Spirit realm, the Books and the Internet, I try to put to the test each and every new form of exercise that comes my way which I deem worth my effort. When I first read J. krishnamurti on how one is to investigate each and every thought that passes through the mind in the course of my day, I thought that it was an impossible task to carry out, but now I am finding that it is not so. Now I am beginning to find that these thoughts are the very food that helps me to better understand who I am and where i might make amends and corrections in my way of perceiving what comes from the external and this process helps to me see my own true nature for what it is.
I do not see myself better or worse than the next person, i only see myself still floating along this river of life touching here and there and getting stuck into this and that and events and episodes, often for no apparent need to and for no good reasons. As i begin to notice these traits i have been carrying within me I am able to gradually detach myself from that which is unreal and from this i feel a lightness of being; not as burdened as i used to feel. Letting go is not just a cliche but an actuality whereby the mind gets less and less influenced by unhealthy views and the body becomes less taxed upon; less headaches and migraines. My physical aches and pains comes with the satisfaction knowing that they result from my physical activities like work and exercises, from long sittings and poor sleeping habits. They are less the result of too much mental anguish and concerns over things beyond my control.
As realizations goes these may not seem much for a man my age, but at the very least i am beginning to feel more at peace with myself. It may have taken such a long time for me to even come close to feeling the joys of being peaceful within me and tolerant with the physical world, however, i still am glad that I am able to be conscious of my sense of being at one with the universe even if it be for a split second when it happens. I will strive on towards prolonging this 'mini Satori' in my life and Insha'Allah or God willing, i hope it will become a part and parcel of who I am. 

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