Living to the fullest.

Why do I still feel like something is missing, not quite right, unfulfilled, like a nagging headaches that seems to lurk at the back of my mind? Perhaps the answer lies in my paying too much attention to others who perhaps matters a little more than usual in my life like my daughter and my son and their situation, or perhaps simply my feeling of discontent has to do with my not being able to makes things happen as i would like them to; like the wish of most people, a smooth sailing. I do not and will not claim to have a full understanding of life or at least even my mind and i know i am far from being able to claim that i am an completely enlightened being, but i seem to flip flop from realization and ignorance. I keep telling myself the fact that i am not my body and not even my mind, that i am that which is present as consciousness, the witness of events and circumstances in the course of my day to day living. However i am easily swayed by the slightest shift in what happens before me or around me leading me to become perplexed and flustered all wrapped into one coil of anxiety, fear and confusion.
Yes, i may be able to write all these nonsense about self discovery and how to,but at the end of the day i find myself sucked into the same old trap of getting involved.

My latest work space.

Perhaps it is the nature of my being to still be easily attracted to the events and side shows that occur in the external world. The question is still how does i remain detached from these vexations while still having to involved on account of my practice as a wanna be Bodhisatva? Detached involvement, someone once said or Wu Wei as the ancient Chinese master is said to have said. Plucking the lotus without wetting the fingers and so on. When it comes to putting it to action in the course of my daily life all these seems to drop off as though they are just intellectual or verbal diarrhea. It is adi that with the change of our breath we can change any thoughts or even ideas, change our focus from one state to another, I tried and it works but not all the time. I also try to remove myself from being in any spot where i know i have need to be even if it means being a socially responsible thing to do. I attempt at keeping my silence and not say anything or offer an opinion where and when I find it not relevant to, thus saving myself from becoming directly involved, but it seems like a cop out, not a Bodhisatva thing to do.

Mining for copper to make ends meet.

Whatever the reason may be I know deep within me that what i have learned, what i have experienced and what i have discovered in the course of my journey towards knowing who I truly am, I know that i am not far nor am i any near to who or what I am; I just have to let it happen on its own a breath at a time. There is no more to seek and none to experience that would bring me any closer and there no more practice or discipline that would make me any stronger, there is only to live to the fullest of my life day to day.