Wednesday, June 01, 2016

Opening the can of worms- My life in Malaysia.-1

After having lived abroad for 24 odd years, why did i chose to return to Malaysia in 1998 when the former Deputy Prime minister was running for his life from one accusation after another from sodomy to corruption and abuse of power. Why did i listen to my heart of hearts and brought my family to this country and worse yet, why did i chose the east Coast State of Terengganu where the mentality of most of the Malays were and perhaps still are, 'Bodo bodo sombong', translated to simply means arrogant and ignorant, to me more like proud to be stupid. Oh, but there are there are some who stands out or tries to among the people but by comparison far too few to cope with the masses of ignoramus who sees themselves above and beyond being told of their ignorance; I have lived among these people for more than fifteen years of my adult life to be able to make these observations. 
Yes, there is today no doubt in my mind that I made an error of moving from Sendai, Japan to Kuala Terenggnau after having lived in The United States and Japan for the previous 24 years of my life. The biggest tragedy that i faced was being played for a fool by my own family of brothers and sisters who i came to realize were busy putting me and my family up and cutting us down whenever and however they saw fit. Being married to an American and having children of mixed is the last thing you would want to bring to the east Coast State of Kuala Terengganu, especially when you have sibling rivalries from way back when with a whole lot of axes to grind for the manner in which you have let them down and how you have chosen to live your life. It was an error i have paid for dearly and so had my wife and children.
My wife succumbed to a mental breakdown that led her Alzheimer's and later her demise upon returning to the United States to seek medical treatment. The College that she had taught for almost four years and loved by all her students did nothing to help her or my family out in our moments of need and support and this being a well known 'Muslim College.' Kolej Agama Sulatan Zainal Abidin which has today been upgraded to a University. Oh, everyone felt for i am sure and not that she did not have many close friends and colleagues at work, but it seemed like they simply were not even there to offer a word of comfort or help when things got real bad for her loosing her mind. As matter of fact there were those who took advantage of the fact to better their position in the event that she left her job. I watched and I listened , helpless at times to make any protest for her and I felt only remorse and pain for her that had threatened to boil over on many occasions, but when i thought of the consequences that would affect my children and their future, i had to swallow the bitterness.
My two children were abused by being bullied in school from day one as they did not speak Bahasa Malaysia and what was worse, 'anak Mat Salleh', white kids. All these i could watch and hope that they would survive as they had survived their 3 years in Japan having no knowledge of the Japanese language and lifestyle. Deep within, my hope was that all these would only help to strengthen their resolve and characters in later years of their lives. However on looking back today i can see that they still carry with them the scars they had been afflicted with by their peers most of whom were Malay children with their 'kampung' or village mentality that had issues with non-Malays and especially non-Muslim background. 
Yesterday my son Karim,now 24  or so has for the first time laid all the blame on me for what happened to his mother. What is sad is that I am also being accused of being lazy and that I am in his mind the worse person and has always been so. All i could say was, what took you so long?

1 comment:

Antares said...

It takes a lot of courage to share the painful experiences of your life with others, Shamsul, especially when your own children opt to lay the blame on you, instead of accepting responsibility for their own lives. I salute you for your bravery and honesty!