Saturday, May 28, 2016

You get what you deserve.

To my relief, my friend the air -cond. man, Ah Huat has come around with his usual big smile again yesterday when I was at is shop. It took two days for him to thaw out his anger and I felt my patience with his temperament has paid off. It is difficult to carve out true friendship but a whole lot easier to loose one, they say and i have learned over many of my past failed friendships to understand better what it takes. Get my ego out of the equation and his will step out of the way too is the long and short of it. Anyway we are back on our track of him wanting to make as much and as fast money and me I will help him in getting this accomplished, but all in the spirit of relax and play and not forced labor.
Yesterday evening, (Friday) I was supposed to give and Art talk to an audience who evidently failed to turn up except for six people, a mother and her two children and their friend. Also present were two ladies who had organized the talk. The talk was on Art Education - as a Lifetime Education in conjunction with Celebrating the UNESCO Day. I was asked to give the talk by the Director of the the MGTF-USM who could not make it himself due to prior engagement. So I was apprehensive for two days thinking what I was going to say and if i was prepared or what am I to wear and the parking problem around the venue and so forth. When It all finally happened I found myself the only speaker there while the two others who were supposed to be here were missing and the audience was just the five or six people. Oddly enough I was far from disappointed and i spent two hours chatting with this group pf Chinese ladies who were there running the event. I had the best moment on my life feeling like i could communicate so freely of what I truly felt without inhibitions which would not had been possible had there been a larger audience.
By the end of the day I felt i have learned yet another lesson about what and what not to expect but just to be present and be involved and accounted for without any premeditated interest. The talk i gave was more for myself to hear and know who I am and what I am all about in Art and Education and how i have arrived at being able to reconcile my feelings of the past negative experiences about Education and how Art has been my healing tool and process. As much  as I desire to make money as the next guy, Art has always been secondary when it comes to earning a living. Throughout my life i have held more than thirty different jobs, some briefly while the longest lasted six years. I have worked for no salaries on many jobs simply because i just felt like working and experiencing what it takes to perform the work; I like to volunteer my services any chance I get so long as i get to do things the way I like to do them. I like to play while I work, and work while i play- perhaps it makes no sense but it is the way I have always felt about employment; I quit or get myself fried if i find my job has become uninteresting or a psycho/ emotional drag than benefits me in no way than simply making a living.
I have begged and I have borrowed and even stolen in my life and i am not proud of it, but i managed to stay afloat like a cork over water moving down a stream, I never find myself stuck in one place for too long. I am not good at saving and I spend what i make just as i make them while often enough sharing with others who I feel in need like I am a rich man. Sometimes I have gone for weeks without a penny in my pocket just to see how I fare and sometimes i have more than I know what to do with that I felt like it is not even there. I do not envy others who have made it big financially, just respect for their ability to. I treat having and not having money as a healthy practice of attach and detachment, I can say no and yes to whenever or whatever that I may desire to have and watch how it happens when i got what i had intended to have in the end. Sometimes things just comes my way out of the blue, just enough to allow me the next phase or mile or days into the future with little or no pressure. I feel strongly that I have achieved a better understanding of the laws of 'abundance' and how it affects my material needs; you get just enough, no more nor less than what you truly need. 

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