The 'Sloth Guru'

This note to myself as i am in the state of stagnation, being in the realm of the limbo where nothing is accomplished and nothing is achieved but just bare attention to what is. This is when i write to myself so as to remind myself of where or what i am at, at the present moment in space and time. Off course i am physically here sitting at the PC and typing away my mental formations and listening to the 3 hours long or repetitious theme from "Last of the Mihicans" by Hans Zimmer as the background music while I make this entry. It helps to drown out the unnecessary noises from the restaurant outside my window. This is when i try to make some sense out of my so called experiment with the idea of not doing anything with life or should I call it, "The Art Being absolutely lazy."
I spent the early morning doing the laundry and mostly listening to  'Dharma talks', given by one of my former Zen Instructors, Norman Fischer on You Tube. It was out of curiosity to see how far has my teacher and friend from the Days of Green Gulch Zen Center come to be as a Poet and Zen master. The talks ares till the same Norman Fischer style,  morose and dry  and  the poem I still have  hard time grasping to make the connection with the Zen lesson. But Norman, like most of the Zen leaders at the SF Zen Center have connections and being a Jew that means a great deal and carry allot of weight even in the practice of Zen Buddhism. Yes i like Norman, His wife Cathy and the twins Joshua and Noah, brilliant children.
I am beginning to experience the effects of my experimental practice of aspiring towards being nothing, doing nothing, hoping for nothing and seeing hat gives and for the last few weeks it has been somewhat a torment as i found myself flip flopping between wanting to be something or otherwise, needing to justify for myself and so forth, and worse of all is the boredom that seems to manifest from this state of nothingness and yes i have hardly touch the real state yet as it is i am still doing something, like making this entry. What others say or i think what they might be saying about me is the worse cause for discomfort and yes it has to do with the ego quite naturally. The ego, what else can i call it, seems to have a hard time letting go of the past, me; my mind is bombarded with the past good and bad. I find i have very many crosses to bear and i crucify myself time and again just to feel like i am sorry for what i had done, or to feel like i do not deserve to feel free form my past.
To keep my mind busy and occupied, which i do out of being fed up with the struggle to keep it quiet, with reading my novels about the Roman Empire, as series by Simon Scarrow while not writing or watching a movie or entertaining the Face Book, or i stay in tune with what is going on with the political saga of my country and the world. I keep myself up to date with all the latest Conspiracy theories and the Doomsday revelations with the possibility of Alien Invasions and the coming of the Dajjal or the Anti Christ. All these being the part and parcel of doing nothing or being nothing.
I am beginning to accept the fact that unless you can sleep all day long and do the same at night, doing nothing is almost an impossible task. Sometimes one feels like the whole mind, body and spirit is slowly petrifying as though everything is slowly shutting down; there is a lack of zeal for living. When it gets to that stage of feeling numb from being inactive, not unlike getting a mild stroke in the physical sense, then I feel the need to act out something. The great Yogi, Neem Karoli Baba, the Guru who Ram Dass was a student of often comes to mind whenever i have my doubts, but i am far from being a Yogi and especially anywhere near as great as Neem Karoli Baba or even Ram Dass,(Herbert Alpert).

Neem Karoli Baba left his home around the time when his youngest child (daughter) was eleven (1958) and wandered extensively throughout northern India as a sadhu. During this time he was known under many names including Lakshman Das, Handi Wallah Baba, and Tikonia Walla Baba. When he did tapasya and sadhana at Bavaniain Gujarat, he was known as Tallaiya Baba. In Vrindavan, local inhabitants addressed him by the name of Chamatkari Baba (miracle baba).^[2]

He was a lifelong adept of bhakti yoga, and encouraged service to others (seva) as the highest form of unconditional devotion to God. In the book Miracle of Love, compiled by Ram Dass, a devotee named Anjani shares the following account:

There can be no biography of him. Facts are few, stories many. He seems to have been known by different names in many parts of India, appearing and disappearing through the years. His non-Indian devotees of recent years knew him as Neem Karoli Baba, but mostly as “Maharajji” – a nickname so commonplace in India that one can often hear a tea vendor addressed thus. Just as he said, he was "nobody". He gave no discourses; the briefest, simplest stories were his teachings. Usually he sat or lay on a wooden bench wrapped in a plaid blanket while a few devotees sat around him. Visitors came and went; they were given food, a few words, a nod, a pat on the head or back, and they were sent away. There was gossip and laughter for he loved to joke. Orders for running the ashram were given, usually in a piercing yell across the compound. Sometimes he sat in silence, absorbed in another world to which we could not follow, but bliss and peace poured down on us. Who he was no more than the experience of him, the nectar of his presence, the totality of his absence...^[2]

Neem Karoli Baba reminds me of a 'sloth guru', one who sits or lays around and gets fed and attention like a true Zen master who 'eats when he is hungry, sleeps when he is sleepy and sits and watch the grass grows.He also reminded me of my grand father who had a similar look and manners the years that i knew him before he died. Yes in some ways i aspire to become like these great men, whose life was simplicity itself and not making great efforts to become someone or something, yet they were well loved and respected and people came to listen to them when they talk and looked for their advice and guidance.