Saturday, August 29, 2015

Good Bye to an Unholy union.

One of my darker moments while in Terengganu was when I thought i could at last patch up things between me and my twin brother. The two days I spent at his home was by his invitation which was initially to visit his cattle ranch. But I ended spending the night after which i should have read as a wrong move as even when i asked him if it was alright he looked at me with scorn in his eyes which i took as, "why the fuck you even have to ask.", I read it wrong. I thought we were on the way to healing our difference at our old age and was looking forward to enjoying myself in his 
luscious home by the sea. I always enjoyed the swim behind his house especially early in the morning when the water was as calm as a mirror.
 A View of not so calm a day.

Now that i look back, something i hate doing but have to in order to lay to rest this crap between my twin and I, I should have trusted my gut feelings that my twin harbors such anger towards me that no matter what he will never come to see the light of day until he has me cowed and punished. Whatever my wrong doing was towards and i am sure I have many as we were growing up together as teenagers, attending the same secondary school having the same teachers and the eldest brother for our English teacher; it was hell. Now the hell that was has erupted between us in the form of an unforgivable wrong done unto him in the old days that i could not get him to talk about. For whatever i am being accused of I had to swallow my pride and not to mention subdue my anger from erupting and damaging whatever decency that existed between us. So before push came to shove i decided to end it all by saying good bye and leaving his home which I am doubtful I will ever step into again. Now I have three brothers dead to me, two buried in the ground and one still walking with so much hatred within him to even be able to see what was happening between us; and we just turned 66!
When i returned the money he gave me as I was leaving his house i heard a voice in my head asking me how much more was i willing to stoop and where was my pride in accepting the money, after his arrogance and rudeness in treating me with such disregard for my age and status as a man. My body turned around almost on its own and i place the money on the living room table and turned to him and said" I did not come all the way for your handout, I have enough on me to return to Penang." I walked out of his house feeling strangely free from a heavy load taken off my shoulders; I felt a sense of liberation. I did not feel hurt or even angry, I was glad it all fell out in the open; we may have shared the same womb, but we grew so far apart even worse than enemies.
It is sad indeed but better than to let shit fester for so log that you are not even aware of the stench anymore till it hits the fan. Now that it has splattered all over at least one knows what needs to be cleaned up for good. The next time anyone ask how my twin is doing, I can say what twin? Never knew i had one; that pile of crap I have been carrying on my back all these while? Got rid of it into the South China Sea once and for all. Yes I will have to answer in the afterlife but for now enough is bloody enough of taking the crap both his wife and him have been dishing out at me and my family. It has been out of sheer respect and family piety that i have endured all the abuses from his wife especially. Not any more and if our path cross again it is best that we walk on the opposite side of the road. The privilege of him being an elder brother has been revoked for good. This chapter of my life has come to an end.

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