Monday, August 31, 2015

"There is a Here that can never be There" - Mooji.

"Your own self is the only thing really worth discovering. That will not fade. Everything that you see, everything that you experience that you owned, Time says, "all this belongs to me."
Mooji. (You Tube)

I am here. I am sitting at this consul typing this blog entry while it is pouring rain outside; what am i here as? That was the question Mooji asked one of his questioner in the audience. What am I here as? So back to the fundamental question of "Who am I?" You spoke of the past where is it now where does it comes from that you gave it so much credibility and importance? Hence to you my brother, who I will still be carrying in my mind till I can fully let you go, as I am still not capable of erasing my thoughts and emotions as fully as a yogi, I ask this questions that i may understand further what has brought me to this dependent upon being attached to you as a brother despite the fact that you have no respect nor love for me in truth. On the same note i ask the same of my eldest son who has attained what he had set out to achieve, who is now a Flight captain in one of the world's largest Airlines, or my adopted  Chinese brother Lee who felt the need to lie out of jealousy and suspicions. I have been looking at you as a part of me, people i have been proud to think as a part of who I am, sadly enough, you are the mote in my eyes that I failed to recognize till it is too late. Perhaps i was blinded by your so called wealth and success which I have made the mistake of measuring up against who I am in my own ways. I held you to be emulated as a success stroy but you turned out to be my Karmic teachers a cleansing of my own soul. Hence i let you all go, free from my presence and i free from yours. 
I still ask however of your forgiveness of my wrongs against you as it is part and parcel of my practice towards full liberation from being attached to any form of unfinished experiences in my life before i depart albeit as a Muslim or a Buddhist. I wash my hands off you and all that was between us in the name of my Maker, my Lord and may He find tha Compassion to allow for me to be free from any form of judgement you may have set upon me that i found is unforgivable for whatever it was that You have accused me of. Let this moment of setting the words into the written form be my witness to this feeling i have of the relationship between us as coming to an end in my mind and my spirit. May I be liberated from without any stain from what has been between us. 
"I am Here, I am letting go of who I think I am, I am being who I am and who I am has no room for any doubts about my past or my relationships to others.
 Morning has broken like a new morning..


It is midnight of August 31st. and the nation celebrates its Independence Day with hundreds of thousands clad in yellow T Shirts, young and old, man women and child have inundated the Nation's capital as a show of Protest against the current government led by the PM, Najib Tun Razak. We as a nation has come a long way towards being one of the most developed nation in Asia until not too long ago when all hell broke loose with the discovery of the 1MDB debunkle, a failed deal led by the PM and his group of economic advisers that has cost the country to the tune of some RM42 Billion in debt; among other ailments that soon followed. The Malaysian Spring has begun.

Selection of Bersih images from various friends as a tribute to the superhuman dedication & courage that went into organizing such a colossally memorable & energetically powerful event. Jolly Good Show, Bersih 4! heart emoticon
The fight for freedom has begun and this time Malaysians stands up against the tyranny of their own rulers or the power that be. Malaysian political scene is at its worse since the My 13th. of 1969, however thanks to the Internet and various other widespread of media decimation of information, the nation has been able to contain itself from being  too emotionally exploited by various groups with vested interest. The predominantly Chinese dominated 'Bersih 04' Rally was a sounding success in terms of turn out and public support both in the country as well as overseas. Malaysia is not dead in terms of her citizens' well being as many are fully aware of what needs to be done to put the country back on track reaching for her "Vision 2020." We may have some work ahead of us to make things right again, to sweep clean and start anew over a clean slate as far as the government is concern, but we are doing it in a very impressive manner avoiding any confrontation between the different races; the Bersih Rally 04 despite its not so well resprisented across he board by the various races is a sounding of the people's call for clarity and transparency and the establishment of a healthy governance. 

Petang tadi punya cerita...beberapa orang Islam cari air nak wuduk, brader Cina bagi air mineral dan tlg tuang. Terharu...This is Malaysian!
We as a nation regardless of our race or cultural heritage are yearning for a unification that will place us as a single entity; a Nation indivisible, proud to be called Malaysians.

One of the videos of the crowd singing NegaraKu at midnight. This one was near Maybank I think.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Good Bye to an Unholy union.

One of my darker moments while in Terengganu was when I thought i could at last patch up things between me and my twin brother. The two days I spent at his home was by his invitation which was initially to visit his cattle ranch. But I ended spending the night after which i should have read as a wrong move as even when i asked him if it was alright he looked at me with scorn in his eyes which i took as, "why the fuck you even have to ask.", I read it wrong. I thought we were on the way to healing our difference at our old age and was looking forward to enjoying myself in his 
luscious home by the sea. I always enjoyed the swim behind his house especially early in the morning when the water was as calm as a mirror.
 A View of not so calm a day.

Now that i look back, something i hate doing but have to in order to lay to rest this crap between my twin and I, I should have trusted my gut feelings that my twin harbors such anger towards me that no matter what he will never come to see the light of day until he has me cowed and punished. Whatever my wrong doing was towards and i am sure I have many as we were growing up together as teenagers, attending the same secondary school having the same teachers and the eldest brother for our English teacher; it was hell. Now the hell that was has erupted between us in the form of an unforgivable wrong done unto him in the old days that i could not get him to talk about. For whatever i am being accused of I had to swallow my pride and not to mention subdue my anger from erupting and damaging whatever decency that existed between us. So before push came to shove i decided to end it all by saying good bye and leaving his home which I am doubtful I will ever step into again. Now I have three brothers dead to me, two buried in the ground and one still walking with so much hatred within him to even be able to see what was happening between us; and we just turned 66!
When i returned the money he gave me as I was leaving his house i heard a voice in my head asking me how much more was i willing to stoop and where was my pride in accepting the money, after his arrogance and rudeness in treating me with such disregard for my age and status as a man. My body turned around almost on its own and i place the money on the living room table and turned to him and said" I did not come all the way for your handout, I have enough on me to return to Penang." I walked out of his house feeling strangely free from a heavy load taken off my shoulders; I felt a sense of liberation. I did not feel hurt or even angry, I was glad it all fell out in the open; we may have shared the same womb, but we grew so far apart even worse than enemies.
It is sad indeed but better than to let shit fester for so log that you are not even aware of the stench anymore till it hits the fan. Now that it has splattered all over at least one knows what needs to be cleaned up for good. The next time anyone ask how my twin is doing, I can say what twin? Never knew i had one; that pile of crap I have been carrying on my back all these while? Got rid of it into the South China Sea once and for all. Yes I will have to answer in the afterlife but for now enough is bloody enough of taking the crap both his wife and him have been dishing out at me and my family. It has been out of sheer respect and family piety that i have endured all the abuses from his wife especially. Not any more and if our path cross again it is best that we walk on the opposite side of the road. The privilege of him being an elder brother has been revoked for good. This chapter of my life has come to an end.

On the journey to find out..

Arrived Georgetown at about 10 AM. this morning after leaving Kuala Terengganu at around 12 Midnight. I had wanted to leave two days earlier when things seemed to just not happen as far as what i had intended to do there, like having an exhibition and meeting Local Artists over 'teh tarik'. It seems like there is really no interest to make any effort towards bringing the Arts to life on the Duyong Island at least as far as Fine Arts are concern. A whole lot of hot airs you hear on Face Book but nothing really substantial. My intention was t o help make the initial move through motivation and  challenges; it seems the only intention that those involved have is to create a port for chatting and drinking coffee. Anyway it was a lost cause for me. The trip will most probably be my last to the east Coast unless there is some special event to attend to with the family like death, weddings and sickness.
The tenth trip made by the Kancil (mousedeer) my little car over the years and I am proud to say I have enjoyed the journeys driving at night alone most of the time crossing the Central Main range of mountains back and forth which often took eight to ten hours of practically non stop driving except to refuel or eat and ease myself. I know I became one with the little car when I am on the road and thanks to my mechanic friends Ah Huat and Ah Siang who kept it in tip top driving condition I feel I can still take another trip around the country anytime, health considered. A short trip like this does my mind wonders as it faces all the episodes and dramas of everyone you meet and all the circumstances and events that you are exposed to experience. Touching bases with old fiends and making new acquaintances is just a part and parcel of putting your   relationship towards others to practice, and as the saying goes; you win some and you loose some. As you age, you find the process of weeding out who you keep and who you need to let go, an on going process that clears your mind from cluttering of the past. There are those who will remind you of your strength and those who will never forgive your weaknesses, it is part and parcel of relationship in life, just learn to accept and learn from them. And again, you cannot change others but you can change who you are to make the difference.
Every step I walk in my life has been an experiment and I cannot emphasize this enough as my blogging thus far in years will testify. I set out with the idea mooted by Mooji (you Tube) to 'Be Nothing, Do nothing and see what gives and i did and in doing so, so much has happened within more than a week or so. It began on my 66th birthday with my daughter asking what was my pleasure and I told her i thought of making a trip to Terengganu to visit my family and friends there. And so began the effect that was set in motion by that request as my birthday present. My mechanic friends immediately set upon upgrading the Kancil and before i knew it I was on the road by midnight headed for the east Coast. It was a long and peaceful drive accompanied by music from a newly installed radio, a gift from my friend Ah Huat. I did nothing other than just what is required to be done in order for things to move on. Doing or being nothing does not mean you stop going to the toilet. I take it as being more or less in a state the Chinese calls Wu Wei or as explained by Alat Watts an a few others to mean 'inactive action' or 'detached involvement', for lack of better terms. In the practice of Satepathayna Buddhist school there is an expression called " Bare Attention" which simply means to be removed from any clinging on to actions or experiences, perception or impulses, simply just being a detached observer. This i tried to carry with me as i visited places and family and friends and i found it to be quite an enlightening experience.
Expecting nothing, hoping for nothing, letting nothing become an attachment to you, you find yourself to be free from attachments. You road rises to meet you, people look at you with new sense of wonder, like what is going on with him now? Gifts comes from unexpected sources and old axed are grind to settle matters once and for all so that you can move on in life now that the blocks are removed or exposed out in the open for what they truly are. I felt no need to expose or reveal myself any more the exposure and revelations happens like a mirror as I moved from one event to the next, one person to the other, I was the witness to my own being in relationships with others. I find it a whole easier to forgive and forget and not to harbor ill will or discord toward those that treat me with contempt. I find myself shedding my past habit of being trapped by each and word or action that comes by my attention especially if and when it became very critical of who or what i am. It is like water sliding off the leaf of an yam leaf or a lotus bloom.
 For this feeling I am thankful and am happy that i made the trip. It has revealed to me a little more of who I am and how my mind can be made to become receptive to events yet not get sucked into reacting to them and even if it does, it has no power to cause more than just being temporary set aside like a roadside attraction to be soon forgotten. The beauty of this short and insignificant journey is that I did it and was able to touch base with those i love for better or worse.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Views from my room on the river.

Night view of the Crystal Mosque fro under the Sultan Mahmud bridge. Taken from the back door of my 'House Boat'.

Sunrise over Kuala Terengganu from my 'Living Room'.

A Swift always found resting on the tail end of  one of the Boats.

Light and dark in contrast and colors.

The Back door to my 'House Boat'.

The simple bed I sleep in for a few nights now; no disturbance noted as far as the unseen is concerned.. It is reported that the area is heavy with nocturnal visits.

Falling in Love with a Refrigerator.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Reflexology by Haji Daud.

I have been doing this for over thirty years now.

This is the first time |I m working on Awi's smelly feet!

Reflexology is a martial art!

You got to move with the Chi!

Hey! watch those pearls!

Yes, I am  licensed!  


Monday, August 24, 2015

My Soul Brothers.

His fb  name is Pok Pi and his real name is Mohammad Rafi. Orignally from Penang but settled down in Kuala Terengganu after years of service with the Marine and Coast Guard service. A simple manwith a whole lot of energy and creativity.

Discussing the finer points in creating boat models with another very close friend of mine Hashim.

They call him 'Aboh' like Dad, he is Awi, owner of Awi's Yellow House.

We have known each other for the last ten to fifteen years now and have learned to respect each other's ways.

Awi's Yellow House revisited.

Walkway leading up to Awi's Yellow House.
Published on 7 Jul 2014
'What 'Is' cannot be lost, It cannot even be found. The seeker will not be a finder, but will be absorbed in Truth itself. It is most natural.
Yet it can manifest in different ways, as a passionate discovery, as an explosion, as an emplosion, as almost nothing happened.
The Self is not a happening. The happening is only the recognition of it. It has always been - here - as the Source of this manifest world.'..Mooji.
The place has not changed much an remained as rustic as it was.

Visitors comes from all over the world and most have been here before.

The blending of wood and greenery makes for a very homely feeling. 

Miriam, met her about ten years ago and the met her in Georgetown, Penang two weeks ago and now met her again in Pulau Duyung.

"Boyo" Miriam's husband. Working on his second Doctorate in Linguistics? Speaks good Bahasa.