Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The un-examined life is not worth living - Socrates

They are hearing the sound of trumpets coming from the skies and they are mystified, scared and wondering if the old testaments about the heralding of the end of time is at hand. Tomorrow begins the Holy month of Ramadan the Fasting Month of the Muslim calendar, a whole month of physical, mental and spiritual torment or uplifting depending on who you are and where you are at as a Muslim, how far or how near are you to your Maker. For Malaysian Muslims it will be a good time for reflections over the whole year that has gone by and come to some sort of understanding as to what is really going on within and without. I look forward to a difficult time in all aspect as I have been having a whole lot of doubts throughout the year in trying to be a good Muslim or even a good man.
I have a bad case of gastritis and yesterday evening was the most bad attack that i had, I felt like i was being skewered through my chest with a thick rod and I felt like I was having a heart attack. It is not getting any better or so it seems and i am even scared to eat as i have no idea what to eat anymore. Mentally I feel like i am not living fully up to what i can in the creative and productive sense of being in existence. I have become less and less an extrovert and judge others more readily than normally would  I am more easily prone to getting attached to what is occurring out there and loosing touch with what is in here. In short mentally I have become less assured of who I am in the scheme of life. Lastly , spiritually I a at my lowest when it comes to keeping in contact with my Maker and even might be deemed as being estranged from Him. I pray less and I do not feel when I do.
And all these too will pass, no doubt and the Fasting Month will drag out a few of the skeletons from within the closet and set them free or create a few more if my determination runs weak.A part of me does not look forward to this Holy Month as I know I am not cut out for it, but a part of me looks forward to the time of discipline and self searching if not healing within and without. Either way I will do my best to persevere and fulfill the obligations to the best of my ability. I have sat he Seven Days Seshin when I was a Zen Student and in more than one way it had reshaped my thinking and I am more a believer toady than i have ever been in the past as a spiritual being in the ways of my Lord. And so before the trumpets picks up in it crescendo in the skies and before the Lord decides to close His book on the fate of this Planet i better invest a little more genuinely into my future in the next existence.    

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