Off course i tried to hang on to this sensation for as long as I could and pretty soon getting back into my usual mode of getting my thoughts into it with all kings of excitement and trying to capture into words trying to explain yada! yada! just like I am doing right now and poof I am back to square one of attachment. The split second moment of my initial experience was worth all my years of sitting simple as it may seem. For the first time in a very long time I came to realize the emptiness of my being, so to speak; I am nothing more than a sack of skin and bones and my mind is what held it all together through manifesting feelings and sensations through my breath. I stopped having any control of my breathing, I stopped breathing allowing breath to happen and i felt my skeletal structure shifted
like my spine stretching upwards lifting my whole body into its vertical alignment,(this happens all the time when I sit though) but this morning I felt it happening as though of its own volition, it was a nice sensation.
Yes, how such a simple experience can be such a high and the first word that came to my mind was 'Happy'... I am Happy! I am happy and i could die! This was when Allah and the spiritual mind tales over as it has always done, like I need to anchor myself back into my relationship to the 'Source' or Higher Consciousness so that i do not grow attached to my self induced experience and become forgetful or arrogant; perhaps my fear of meeting my own true nature. This has always been happening in my meditation practice for as long as i can remember, like whenever i arrive at the feeling of being empty of my being, or as the Buddhist calls it Emptiness of Being (which i normally arrive at with not problem), the first thing that comes to my mind is the remembrance of 'God'. And in my case being a Muslim Allah comes to mind and i would pray thanking the All Mighty for allowing me to experience this 'state of bliss' even if it is for a moment in time no longer than the next breath that i took. As i said earlier perhaps I do it out of fear, the fear that i am in a 'void' and has no place to anchor myself or attach myself to while in this state of 'limbo'. I fear too that my being in this state places me in danger on my Being being possessed by negative energies or elements or spirits for lack of better words and so I place the 'Divine as my 'Shield' or veil while in this state of 'Emptiness'.
Yes, I realize that this is yet another form of clinging or holding on to or attachment as warned by the Buddha which hinders one from final liberation form this life or human existence, however as i often mention I am a Muslim and I fear God and His retribution in the after life for all my past sins which are yet to be redeemed. Call it yet another weakness or ignorance or call it playing it safe from lack of 'Right Understanding'. For a sinner like me God is never too far away and every breath i take as I get older He gets closer especially during this month of Ramadan.
|The Buddha is said to said; "Right and wrong is a sickness of your own mind."|