Monday, December 08, 2014

Taking it all in and Letting it all hang out - I Love Lucy!

The question I have been confronted with and stumbled upon answers of, were 'Consciousness' and the question of religious faith, like does God even exist, or is this all there is to it and how does one goes about proving what is or what is not real in these matters. Science and religion are are coming into tandem with what is the actual nature of reality and the answer is yet vague and often shady to say the least with a whole lot of postulations and nothing concrete and tangible to behold for the common man. The primary questions of, "Who am I or what is this so called life or existence and how do it all connects into one whole state of Unity and Complete is still in the realm of the individual consciousness something only the individual mind can conceive based upon its own conditioning, the rest is just still under observation and deliberation by the scientific and philosophical minds with each claiming its own theory to be the right one. If I were Lucy as in Luc Besson's movie with the same title i would have had no problem accepting the fact that i have hardly used a fraction of my brain capacity to untangle the tangle but I am me and therein lies the problem, I am who I think I am, still! Trapped in space and time with thoughts and ideas but nowhere, no how to to truly express my true nature.
How does my mind take in all these? The hours of listening to Deepak Chopra and Alan Watts, to Steven Dawkins and S.Hawkins. and many others now available on You Tube has got my mind numbed with unanswered questions more so than arriving at any plausible conclusion as to the nature of truth or reality.. So i borrowed a translation of the Quran from my friend Rsshid the Portrait artist and am getting into it again to see if i can discover some truth that have eluded me in my previous readings of this Great Book of revelations. Thus fat while still in the second 'Surah called the Al-Bukharah or the Heifer, i am discovering the same things as i had before no much new or revealing enough that would shock my mind into any kind of awakening other than reminders of my lacking in faith and action. I have searched everywhere and anywhere for some form of understanding in who or what this is all about but till this date i am still lost in the mass of information that has done nothing but add clutter to my already messed up mind. However one thing I have noticed is that in my pursuit of self discovery I am loosing my close friends left and right or is it perhaps i have carried this 'Beggar Bowl'. trip too far?   You learn soon enough the no one likes a needy character no matter his justifications especially your close family and relatives, they would rather see you making it big is society like the rest of them. As the saying goes, "Monet talks and bullshit walks!" Aah So! Such Is!
So mote it be, if i am to achieve my dreams while loosing my relationship to others that i care for what can i say, one cannot have the cake and eat it too? The ancients had warned of such a fate for those who approach ultimate consciousness or reality, that they will walk alone deprived of those who once they cared for or who cared for them, as the heart is a lonely hunter and the hunter has a lonely heart? Ironic that it seems in loosing most of my relatives and acquaintances  I am at the same time having almost 2000 hits to this entries in my blog which means accordingly i have the same amount of friends out there in the world keeping in touch with me daily. Even my hand phone has finally given up functioning and it has lasted for so long since 2008 and LG given to me by my son in Dubai. yes I am feeling like I am slowly being eroded of all connections with the immediate environment i am in and something is in the making setting for my next venture?
As much as i would like to take up the challenge, I am also tied to making an all out effort in completing my Sendai Journal entries as i go along just in case it is up for publication in the future. It has been my hope for this to happen as it was part of the plan in mylife to get my works published in one form or another but it seems I have been meeting up with snags every time i approach some possibility.None the less it is imperative that i do something with all these documentations of my journey in the east and West, if nothing else for the reflections of my own children or grand children if I ever have nay to speak of.. Talk of my kids, I think i have lost three already as they have drifted away living their own lives and only one left still hanging out with me. So all in all I must say that whatever it is that I have been working on is self fulfilling with me left free and unattached practically to take that leap of faith; time to Hit the Road Jack!

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