Happy Father's Day? When is it?

This is the kind of blogging I hate writing as it is not positive and has a little bit of and anger thrown into it, but write I must otherwise to keep to the truth of how i am faring with life's tribulations would not be complete. For the past month and a half i have been waiting for a cheque for five thousand Rinngit for the sales of my art piece to the Penang State Art gallery and it is with the hope that this amount would be able to cover my children's need to cover their school expenses. This morning i called the Gallery and the first call was not answered and then a call to the Curator (the Boss) and i got the same excuses that was given to me by two other staff members the fact that the Dato' 9 the bigger boss) who was to sign the cheques was on vacation and so...
Time and again i am faced with the predicament of timing, I miss my dateline to have the much needed money until it is too late or does not matter anymore whether i got it or not. my daughter is expected to pay here fees by this week, hopefully the end of the week and my son whose lap top was stolen is in need of a computer for his class works and i am penniless at the present moment. Yes i should be stirring the pots for my cousin and his catering business, yes i could become a security guard at some institution and yest i could join the victims that took a leap of having no faith over the Penang Bridge. But all these would be the easy way out and would only cause me more anger and depression at being a failure.
When I took my artworks to the State Art gallery it was because i needed the money so bad and I thought i could sell it cheaply to one of the staff who is aspiring to become an art collector and one of the pieces i was donating to the Gallery in answer to a call made by the CM for donations.. It was this staff member who told me that i should send in my work for the Gallery Ccommittee meeting at which they are planning on buying some artworks with the money given by the State Govt. I was pleasantly surprised.  So I sent my work in for a possible sale and I was told that the committee wanted to see some other better works of mine and i complied by sending them ten pieces of a series done of my brother who spent some time in hospital and i was there to care for him and while doing this i sketched what i saw. They accepted these and so the waiting began.
So far the blame has been laid on the Dato' who has not signed the cheques but this was not true as each staff i talked to has told me a different story. I don't mind what happens and if it had not been for my children I would not give a damn about how they run their offices, their sense of integrity yada! yada!. But the institution that my daughter has to deal with is not as forgiving where time lines are concerned, they want their money and they want it now! My daughter needs to live on some and she needs it now! So a friend here loaned me RM60 and I sent here RM40 just to tie her over while i wait. Off course i could got to a loan shark(Along- as they are famously called here), and make a fast loan with interest that would kill me, but that too would really piss me off than than I really am.
I have rich brothers and nephews and nieces all over the country from whom i could ask for help and i did, no replies, can't get my phone number, all the lame excuses one can come up with and the worse off course is "Padan muka!", or serves him right. So I gave up looking for help from my kith and kin it has become too degrading and painful, perhaps still, good for my ego. Excuses! Excuses!, justifications which absolutely does not convince even to myself anymore. The irony is that here is a man who just received letters of Appreciation for having donated RM93000 worth of his artworks to the University Gallery and Museum. What a laugh! What a life!
The final solution is again i have to bow before my brother the Chinese lawyer and ask him for his help of which I am sick of doing and I am sure he too is no more thrilled at. We had made a gentleman's agreement that i keep painting and giving it to him and he pays me when I needed it most. he has been a gentleman about it all these while including giving me one thousand to got to KL for my nephew's wedding, had he not it would not have been a happy occasion for me; not going then would have been an even worse drama situation with the family, but no a single person in my family or relatives asked if i could afford the trip, just ask out of compassion if nothing else. Lord!, I am so fortunate to have joined the human race.
There, I got it off my chest! even if , I dont mind what happens (for myself).

Happy Father's Day Bahari!