Thursday, October 04, 2012

Regurgitations.


Last night as most other nights i sat outside in the restaurant area from being unable to fall asleep and it was extra warm that was what might have been part of the cause of my insomnia. My mind was running on warp speed as well with thoughts of the who and the why, the issues that are really non issues whatsoever but being made into an issue; that is my mind; pretty much how it functions. So it was past one in the morning and I am sitting out there to the tune of late night traffic including the garbage trucks doing their rounds. The motorcycles were like pesky mosquitoes of sound, irritating to the point of getting a slingshot or a shotgun. But it was a challenge not to loose it and head on out for a good 'nasi kandak' and carrot juice, but i decided to sit meditating at one of the cafe tables and focus on what was bugging me. I began by listening attentively to the sounds of the traffic, the roars and the rumbles, the squeaks and the grinds of engine parts and the loose nuts and bolts as bikes and cars passes by, punctuated by the roar of the garbage trucks. It became quite scary after a while as I felt my senses being influenced by the sound of random traffic; by abusive sounds that somehow has become a part of me; how our mind is able to filter out these sounds is a wonder.
I sat cross legged on the chair and started focusing on my breath while watching what was going on with my body,:a part of  my meditation technique.. As my body realigned itself breath by breath and discover all my physical discomforts I found that all I needed was to either have a good burp or a healthy fart as air was definitely trapped in my chest area or lower stomach.. I decided to do my walking meditation which normally releases these tapped air from my chest and it worked as I practically threw up air with loud burps and it helped to ease the congestion in my chest. There is a Zen saying, 'When you Burp and Fart, you know you are alive!." After feeling a little lighter i sat again and this time I decided to pray as i always did in the past as yet another part of my meditation technique and that is to safeguard my sphere of existence; erect my fences and defence. I ask my Lord for His Blessings and His grace and I invoke the Prophet's name and made my offerings to Him and his Lineage, (part of a Muslim prayer). To me the professing of the Name of Allah and His Messenger are like keys that opens the door to your faith, your heart your mind and to the reality of this physical world, it is a key to my awakening. To others envisioning the Buddha's image would do the trick or see Lord Krishna sitting among the Gopis or Christ at the Cross; whatever it takes to each his own. This also helps, I believe in securing the surrounding space from being invaded by negative energies; like a shield protecting one from any unwanted, unseen elements; another practice I do as a precaution when i go into deeper meditative state especially when one does it at a major street junction where the traffic noise is unbroken..Garbage trucks and motor bikes. 
After a while I found my quiet space and my retreat and respite  from the external world of sound and vexations tempting to invade the mind. After a few long deep breaths and getting the body aligned the sensation one feels is like  a shrouded is laid upon my being and silence prevailed.Just as made this realization in my mind I pray,"Dear Lord of the Worlds, Lord of Mercy and Compassion; Ar-Rahman Ar Rahim. (In Arabic),.forgive this lost soul, this undeserving sinner for his past wrong words, thoughts and deeds; from the largest to the tiniest of my sins; those that I know of and those that I am unaware of. I kneel in sincere hope that all beings, Man Women and Child' who has suffered from my faults and weaknesses in my entire life, would forgive me as I have forgiven them. Ya-Allah! To You I pray and ask for, and to you I surrender my very being, please forgive me and accept me with Your Grace."
I pray in so many words when I arrive at this door of silence in my meditative state and why do I do this? It is because if any thought were to crop up from my mind it will be this before anything else; not the thought of my mother or father or the King and Queen of Thailand, but this prayer. it is the Master Key that locks and unlocks all my actions in body speech and mind.This is my purification of the mind process. This is my submission to a Greater Will in recognition of my limitations- my ego is kept in check by this act, (I surely hope.)
You cannot help sometimes feeling like you are JEDI! your life is one long training session, one long practice, honing and sharpening your senses, your body, speech and mind with the purpose of fulfilling your chosen path, a warrior, a healer, a farmer or a computer designer in the effort that it may be used to serve others. Servitude; to serve others, to breath and live for the benefit of sentient beings: this has been my goal my original intention, the Dharma Position I have chosen when I took the Bodhisattva Vows. In order that i may serve effortlessly I will have to become selfless and without attachments even to my own practices. I have to empty my mind of all vexations and mental cravings, I have to run my self through a car wash and get the inside vacuum cleaned, my wind shield wipers replaced and my engine in good running condition. I have to ensure my wheels are in good condition and my breaks are okay: I have to realign my self for the job.
The feeling of compassion for myself is the compassion I feel for others, that their lives will be eased from having touched mine, that I will be healed as I help to heal them.
"Beings Are Numberless, I Vow to Awaken with Them." The first of the Bodhisattva vow.
Whatever religion or faith one holds to be true this statement will find a common acceptance among all as it is a statement that enshrines what servitude is, an essence of compassion; compassion is a criteria for being a Human Being, We are the servants of our Lords in whatever form They may be. To serve God is to serve His Creation, to become caretakers of His Garden, His fields and Rivers, His Birds and Bees, His fishes in the ocean and the wild beasts that roam our forests; you serve these, you serve Him. His Universe is your universe, His Will, your will...till you are no more, only He.
The teachings of the  Gautama the (Shakiamuni) Buddha lead me here; Islam is my religion; I am a 'Born again Muslim." I am indebted my Parents, Brothers and Sisters, Teachers and Gurus, my mentors and instructors of both Buddhism and Islam for my realizations and my beginning of understanding of the nature of my mind. J.Krishnamurti, The Dalai Lama, Thich Nat Hahn,  Mahatma Gandhi Alan Watts, Sheikh Kadir JIlani, Muhyiddin, Ibnul Arabi, The thoughts and sayings of the Prophet of Allah (blessed be His name), The Gita, The Tao Ti Ching, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, The Songs of Milarepa; and Stan Lee; these are among my those I owe my being here as I am in my thoughts and consciousness. I do not arrive with an empty baggage, I come to empty my overloaded memory banks. This blogging is my catharsis, my way of driving to the dump site and unloading all that I have collected along the way getting to where I am.
One of my practices when I was at the Zen Center in Marin County, California was entering the Zendo, or Meditation Hall. In my robes with my hands clasped at my chest I would imagine leaving my back pack at the shoe rack, my luggage, my baggage, my lifelong accumulations, paranoia and cravings; I left them at the door before stepping over the threshold of the Zendo.
I walked to my sitting place empty of any attachments to my past, ( tough act to follow), then I bow to my sitting place as a token of respect for the place I am about to sit, or asking for permission just in case someone else is already sitting there; we are not the only beings in this universe that enjoy sitting in meditation. Then I would sit and face the white wall three feet in front of me and with a few deep breaths I am settled to sit for forty five minutes without twitching a muscle, focused on my breathing watching my mind on the large screen as thoughts rises and fades away one after another and watching myself watching as its reaction to each and every thought until there is no more thoughts rising or falling, until you find yourself sitting, just plain old sitting with no thoughts in mind... or you fall asleep.

No comments: