Thursday, May 28, 2009

Lee Kean Seng Solo Print Exhibition

The works of Lee Kian Seng from 77-78 comprised mainly of lithoprints which the artist is quite well known for.
"The making of lithographs in a tropical climate setting was no easy task. Nonetheless i set up a lithograph work studio in Malaysia in May 1977 and this exhibition showcase the creative process through which I experimented with this new medium..."

The Artist expressing his feelings of his creation to the Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng.

I am sitted in between two closest friends, on my right Hasnul Jamal Saidon, the Director of the Muzium Tuanku Fauziah, USM and on my left my good friend Lee Khai, a committee member of the Penang State Art Gallery and a lawyer.

One of the practical students from Sabah having a workshop att the Muzium TF, USM.

The works of lee Kean Seng spanned over forty years and includes Printmaking, Sculptures and installations among other things and in this show a collection of 38 pieces of Litho prints dating between 1977 and 1978.

The oppening was officiated by the Chief Minister Lim Guan Eng who gave an impressive speach of the need for the support of the Artist and Arts in general in Penang.

In 1977 I was doing my printmaking at the University of Wisconsin in Green Bay and my favourite was also Lithoprints, I was also doing etchings, Mezzotint, Monoprints and had produced more than I can remember the number of prints back then.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The International Muzium Day-Ktr.

Hari Muzium Antarabangsa, International Muzium Day this year was held in the city of Kuala Trengganu. I was privillaged to be invited to participate in the event and the opportunity to visit my old stomping ground where my teenage years were spent.

In the South China Sea a fishing boat lay gently sawying to the rythm of the sea. It seems solitary and removed from from all the rat race life that I had left behind me in Penang.

I am headed for Pulau Kapas along with the group of muzium staff from USM. It was a choice made on the spur of the moment when we arrived in Marang and the Director decided that he wanted to spend the day on the island of Kapas a thirty minute boat ride from Marang.

Not bad huh? Nope i am not sketching her portrait, would not dare to for I am not good at sketching people when they sit there staring at me. Most people think just because I can draw and sketch I can do portraits, I cannot not unless the victim is not aware that I am doing it.

A lame excuse i know but the truth nonetheless, dont ask me why, maybe just neve studied it in school or simply no confidence.

This view of the Terengganu River from the ninth floor of the apartment building is the epitome of the Town's tranquil beauty with its mixture of the old and the new existing amidst each other.

This morning I did some sketching of two old 'Perahus' or Malay traditional boats that is now a part of the Muzium Terengganu permanent collection of ancient relics. The sketching did not came up as well as i had expected as i was not fully focussed on what i was doing or perhaps being over confident. However, while I was in the process of working on my pictures thoughts began to float into my mid as to what the hell was i doing here in the first place. I have been invited to tag along by the Director of the Muzium Gallery Tuanku Fauziah of USM, to participate in the Muzium Week celebration in Kuala Terengganu.

Anything or anywhere to get away from Penang, I gladly accepted the offer and so there i was sitting on board the old vassel or Perahu Pinis that once used to plow the South China Seas in the days of winds and sails. The official opening ceremony was yesterday evening and today was the first day for the public and as expected there was practically a no show save one or two schools that showed up in the evening.

We depart from the small town of Marang headed for Kapas Island, this fishing town is located about twelve miles south of Kuala Terengganu.

The ferry boat has the capacity to carry twelve passengers maximum and we were twenty three of us plus a few extra passengers but we made it and the ferry man made the bucks.

How else can we make our school system and the general public become more concious of such store houses of knowledge such as the muziums. Terengganu has one of the most well designed muzium with so much space and well planned layouts. The muzium houses some of the most unique historical artifacts and culutral heritage that is enviable. But on the opening day of a national event such as the Muzium week hardly a fraction of the people turned up. Every state in the country has ent their representatives including a group or two from Indonesia displaying their cultural heritage in the booths set up. But the local schools and the general public are asleep to this event that can enhance their childrens' lives if not their own.

Well lets hope the rest of the week would proof better otherwise this whole event could have gone to waste for the Terengganu residence. Terengganu is a backward town compared to most towns and cities in Malaysia. It is laid back and the people are mellow, down to earth and really happy with their lot despite all the political happenings here and the rest of the country. Sitting at coffee shops is the favorite pastime here for old and young alike. The town goes to sleep early as the night life is pretty much non existant except in areas where non Malays could be found enjoying the night in merrymaking.

We are staying at an apartment building where three apartments was rented for our accomodation at Kampung Tiong close to Kampung Cina. The view from the ninth floor window of the building presented a great panaramic view of the Kuala Terengganu area with its river mouth oppening out into the South China Sea. A cluster of rustic houses surrounded by palm trees and undergrowth is the remnant of the 'old' Kuala Terengganu landscape which has yet to be leveled and developped. It is indeed a beautiful contrast to see the old and the new buildings growing up around it, like a piece of settlement where time has forgotten. Another Heritage Area that is a reminder of what was... fat chance! Too imaginative for most developers who most probably are already working on the blue print of money making projects for these prime piece of land. After all beauty is to the eye of the beholder, what may be aesthetically a jewel for me may be a mosquito infested eyesore to others.

From the balcony part of Kampung Cina (China Town) can be viewed too and with its back drop of the Terengganu River Mouth and further the beaches and boats of Seberang Takir. Ferry boats or Penambangs fleeting to and fro carrying passengers to and from K.Tr. Further to the left is the Hotel and The Monsoon Cup facilty building (name?) where every year the International Monsoon Cup Regata is held, built smack in the center of the river. Pulau Bidung (Bidung island ) sits in the horizon way out in the South China Sea. The island where the Vietnamese Boat People were interned during the exodus of Boat People during the Vietnam War years. Today the island is slowly returning back to its natural beauty after the whole Island's flora and fauna including its coral reefs were being ravaged by the precence of the refugees. There are still remnants of what once was on the island such as broken down buildings and forms of human habitat telling tales of miseries and human sufferings. Another potential Heritage preservation project? Perhaps if some far sighted decision maker in the government of this State can see the historical cultural reasons behind it instead of seeing the mega buck that can be made through building more resorts and chalets instead.

This evening i sat with my closest friend Mohd Rafi at the Marine Police (Coast Guard) Depot located on the bank of the River on board of one of the many fishing trawlers that was seized on high seas due to one infringement or another of the maritime laws of the Malaysian Government. Most were from Vietnam and Thailand caught trawler fishing too close to the Malaysian waters. For an artist the whole scene of huge trawlers parked haphazardly along the river bank is a feast for the aesthete. The boats themselves were a presence as they tell of human toils in the high seas and the risk they have to take while living on these vassels sometimes for six months of their lives. Every small item every discarded object on board is a testimony to blood sweat and tears of the fishermen and for these boats they end up in the custody of the maritime police. The boats will one day end up being auctioned off and one or two will be deep sixed (sunk to the sea bottom). Another Heritage Preservation item to be looked into by the Muzium Departments not to mention the Fisheries department all over the nation. According to my friend it is not impossible as intergovernment projects can easily be accomodated if it benifits the government and the people. After all these boats are not easy to get rid of, turning them into Muzium collection is one way that might help to solve the problem making it a win win situation for all parties involved. Waste not want not...

I am sitting at a cyber cafe writing this located in what used to be the Cathay Cinema Theater in the old days where I have spent my teenage years watching Chinese Kung Fu Movies and Japanese Sanmurai Movies with my eldest brother often times. Today it has been turned into a cyber cafe and not too long ago a cloathing store among others things. I found out that my nephew runs the cafe in the same building and is now busy fighting his war on the PC next to me. My fresh orange drink is offcourse on the house. What else can a man want of ask for? I am at home, comfortable with my twin brother's son beside me and his buddies around me, in a theater that I grew up with and bringing back memories of the old Clint Eastwood cowboy days and Katsu Shintaro as Zatoichi, The Blind Swords Man. This was the heart of Kuala Terengganu in the sixties and seventies teenagers used to hang out before and after the movies. Today you can sit and watch Astro's 'Max Movie' on the TV screen and no one else present only you. While the wars rages on in the cyber cafe..."fire in the hole!!"

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Jerejak Resort and SPA

Many fammilir faces greeted me at the resort mostly those who knew me from my three years of employment running the Ferry terminal at the Penang island location.
The Assistant Resort Manager was kind in giving a special discount as well a few extra freebies during my stay.
I got my much needed sleep and felt refreshed from my trip to Dubai.

Looking across the strip of water dividing the island from the Penang Island itself one gets the feeling of the hectic life that is going on there wtih the constant flow of traffic and the factories lining the coastal drive.
While on this side it is as though time has stood still and there is only children's laughter that can be heard every now and then.

There was a BBQ dinner being set out and I was invited to join FOC but I declined giving the excuse that BBQ dinners was mostly what I had in the past few weeks in Dubai and I would rather attack the salad bar instead.

This resort will be a good destination for those seeking peace and quiet among natural beauties especially those looking for a place to rest and be left alone.

If all else fails, go fishing.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Jerejak Island revisited

If there is any conservation that aught to be looked into seriously on Jerejak it is the remnants of what used to be the livinjg quarters of the former emplyees of the prison system there.

These dillipidated buildings hidden back from the main path and almost engulfed by thick foliage may seem a sore eye to most but to those with an eye for the natural aesthetic beauty that is man made and nature in syncronicity will find this spot worth their time and money.
The Japanese society took great pride in the opreservation of such similar sites in Japan, such as old and broken down temples or farm huts with its natural surroundings, protecting such photogenetic sitse from man dire need to 'development'.

What can be done with this site is to create a walkway for an easy and safe excess for tourists or visitors alike. This path may include a sand path and stones or pebbles path for the theraputic meditation which alot of people seek in this day and age. Aesthetically and environmental friendly fencing.(bamboo), can be installed to keep people from wandering into the buildings and so forth. Provide all the pertinnet infos including the historical, flaura and fauna and the aesthetic values of the site at the entrance, this is very important as it should set the mood for the walk.

Or, offcourse you could bulldoze it all to the ground and build another SPA facility or a cafe. 'tepok dada tanya selera', it is all in who has the say off course afterall money talks, bullshit walks, if ther is money to be made by development why not. Who gives a hoot about preservation or heritage conservation of some old broken down buildings in the mosquito infested nowhere section of Pulau Jerejak.

Selling coal in Newcastle as the saying goes is what will be the outcome when you upgrade the Island environment and in the process destroying it eco systems and environment and replace it with what is available everywhere else like an added SPS or swimming pool etc. The asset of this island is its natural beauty and the government and all those with vested intrest should dwell into this matter with conservation and preservation in mind, at the end of the day Insha"Allah it will be what makes the money.

Old houses that have been left to nature to are like old bonsai or rock gardens in their sense of beauty. The scene in itself can evoke a sense of 'Aware" as the Japanese or Sabi and Wabi sense of the aesthetic. Nostalgic, the sense of impermanence in life,like viewing the autumn leaves or the fall of Sakura petals to the ground. Most of our children have or will never feel this is we keep getting rid of our natural landscapes.

The Malays are (were?) very sensitivie to the spiriutal context of nature just like the Japanese and most other Asian cultures, sites like these evokes more than mere natural beauties it preserves their sense of 'awesomeness in nature'. Spirits dewll in these kind of environments for them, and in our modern day society these are about the last sanctuaries left for these spirits to exist as man encroaches more and more into their domains.

Heritage preservation is not merely the preservation of old buildings made new but also that which is decadent through time bearing a wealth of historical as well as cultural investments. They preserve as testimonials towards the relationsghip between man an environment physically as well as spritually.

To Those who are artistically inlined these sites are a source of knowledge in their search for artistic expression. For nature lovers the flora and fauna surrounding the area is a gold mine.
Penang island itself is slowly but surely running out of such spaces due to development or privately owned thus depriving excess to the general public, it is imperative that such sites should be placed among the sites that we strive to conserve for the future generation.

Home is Where the Sea and Jungle Is...

On the first day of my return to Penang I took my children and one of their cousins to the latest Star Trek movie at Prangin Mall. This has always been our family family thing to do as we like zillions of others on the face of this planet like to go to the movies together. The same night I found myself not able to sleep a wink till morning, Masha'Allah! problem! So I thought to myself that I need to chill out or I will have a nervous breakdown or loose my cool. For the rest of the day I definitely will need to find a hole to crawl into and pass out. Where in Penang could I go to where I can find peace and quiet,

Pulau Jerejak!

So I threw a change of cloaths into my duffle bag and some art materials and drove to the Ferry Terminal where I used to work and boarded the ferry boat (sampan) and headed for the "Forgotten Isle". While the dawn was slowly creeping into the skies with dark grey clouds ready to burst with rain I took a walk along the beach on Jerejak Island, with Leekhai's camera slung over my shoulder. My intention was to have a cup of Nescafe at the Babariba Cafe where the locals hang out along the way but it was not yet open. So I kept on walking my meditation walk allowing myself to drift into the environment around me,centering.

A soon as there was enough light I started taking pictures utill it started to pour. I took shelter form the rain by creeping into a clump of trees by the beach where i found a tarp washed in from the sea and used it as my raincoat. I was most concern about the camera getting wet but I nmanaged to sit out the rain among rocks and floatsam from the sea while my mind began to settle into the here and now.

I decided to return when the rain ceased and on the way bakc stopped at the cafe and had my nescafe and mee goreng. The family running the place all knew me from the days of my employment with Jerejak resort and SPA. I felt at home and spent my morning answering questions as to how i was, where I have been to and how my family is and so on.

The morning walk along the rain drenched beach of Jerejak was just the cup of nescafe i needed to clear away the cobwebs in my head and get my self back on track into creativity. Sitting and chatting with the simple folks in the coffee shop was what the shaman ordered to anchor my soul from all the activities of the past few weeks in Dubai,. Welcome back to yet another reality.

I decided to stay at the resort for the day as I needed the sleep and the quiet and away from my so called responsibilites.
I needed to recuperate from yet another journey to find out, the journey to the Sea of Sand and blazing sun.
I needed to file away all the events and experiences I have had encountering my number one son 'the pilot' whom I have not seen for the past fifteen years. My second son from Switzerland who I found that I had a son when he was already seventeen.

I needed to needed to step back and take another closer look at my two younger children and what to do with them now that they are fnishing their secondary school and their fate with the residency issue, will they ever be accepted to become malaysian citizens or will they remain citizens of the US in name only.

This is what the Buddhist practicioners call taking a retreat. A retreat from the burdens of life, to catch a breath and be prepared to ride the next wave when it comes.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Dubai Final Entry Before Bye bye

Took a walk to the Mall of Emerates to se if I could buy something for my kids but found myself wandering around till me feet could take no more and all I got was an Art Book of the most famous Artist from the Emerates. The book is called The Colors of My Life and the Artist is Abdul Qader Al Rais. Born in Dubai in 1951 he was raised in Kuwait and was self taught as an artist. I stumbled upon his book while looking for something about Dubai to take with me but most of the books on the display stand did not apeal to my taste... too much commercialism and tacky trick shots for aesthetic taste. This will be a good companion for me to be with while on my flight home.

Almost an hour to go before i leave this building The Manafel Apartments where now there are now four murals of mine painted in four living rooms of four Emerates Airlines Pilots. Not bad for a short visit even if it means overstaying in the country with subconcious intention. But this time the Immigration department in Dubai next month in Malaysia, I am getting use to it.

What of Dubai? The Emerates Mall which I can see right tis minute from where i seat is what Dubai will one day become, one Huge Mega Mall of a City. You can everything and anything under the sun here at a price and the Maktoum foresaw this in his vision perhaps in preparation for the event that the State runs out of oil. The dust from the desert and the construction sites will soo settle down for Dubai, InSha'Allah, and when the wheel of economics rolls again globally, this city will be ready to play the Supermarket of the World. It is indeed a great vision and an even greater investment into the future for a country that depends on one source of income alone, petroleum. Will it succeed? Only time can tell and the stability of the region.

Monday, May 04, 2009

Bathtub Blues

Who or What is an Artist?

When you see an artist at your door kick his butt, get rid of him,
Tell him to get a job.
When your sons and daughters decide to take up art in school,
Take them out back and shoot them, put them out of their miseries.
Dont leave your wealth and hard earned fotunes to to the artist in your family,
He will only fritter it all away on senseless dreams.
Dont marry your sons and daughters to an artist,
He has little to offer but only his broken dreams and messed up soul.
The artist is the guy who lay submerged in the bathtub listening to his heart beat,
For lack of better things to do.
He is the guy who sits on the Zafu (cushion) for hours on end,
pretending that he is in touch with his Maker.
He is the guy who sheds his tears or stops his beating heart,
Upon watching, listening or seeing experiencing an act that uplifts the human spirit.
He is the guy who turns away in sorrow and shame when injustice is being committed,
And knowing that it is beyond his lot to do anything about it.
He is the guy whose thirst for knowledge knows no bounds of physical, cultural or spiritual,
No stone is left unturn nor muddy waters left untouched.
He is the guy who believes himself a seeker of truth,
Even when truth eludes him in this world of maya.
He is not a scientist or a doctor, an engineer or a fortune teller, a brick layer or a carpenter,
He is not a philosopher or a poet a fisherman or farmer, he is all of these and then some.
He is not a vision seekr or a dream maker,
Nor is he the guy who can paint the ceilings of the Sistine Chapel create the Waves of Nakagawa,
He is all of these, Insha'Allah, and his journey is only beginning.
His is a journey of self discovery, a vision quest towards discovering,
Who or What the hell is an artist.

That moves the human spirit

And this too will pass...

A Sufi tale by Idris Shah

The Sultan was depressed and not knowing what to do about his bouts of depression called upon his wise men to consult. None of these men could come with a solution to this predicament. They could not give the Sultan any advice as to how he could overcome his ups and down and find peace with himself. So off they went to look fortheone person they all agreed might have the answer, the ascetic Jallaludin.
They found the Jallaludin sitting under a palm tree where he had always been found loitering around doing nothing sometimes talking to himself or the small plants and insects around him. The wise men put the Sultan's predicament before him and asked if he could help to elivate the ruler's suffering. Jallaludin pondered upon this request and could not come up with an immediate answer but told the men to return in three days and he will provide them with a solution.
Three days went by and the wise men returned and appraoched Jallaludin at his usual hangout. Well what have you come up with o'wise one they asked. Jallaludin handed them a ring he had forged and told them what to do with it. The wise men returned to the palace and reported to the Sultan of what had transpired and handed him the ring with the instructions given by the ascetic sufi. Your highness they told the Sultan please wear this ring and whenever you feel most elated and joyous remove it and read the inscription written inside and whenever you feel most sad and depressed about something do the same.
The Sultan took the ring and put it on his finger not giving it a second thought. Sometime later while he was feeling very low and depressed the Sultan remebered the ring, took it off and read the inscription that Jallaludin had writtten...and this too will pass... it read. The Sultan felt a sense of relief from being reminded that nothing last forever, the good as well as the not so good.
Thus is the short story written by the great story teller Idris Shah more or less that i remember having read many years ago.

Today I discovered that i had overstayed in Dubai for more than twelve days and most probably have to pay the penalty fine of 100dirham a day and 200dm on the first day! Alhamdullilah! Allah knows best when to put an end to a good time and move on to the next episode. I was a little upset at myself for a while there for being so careless about small things like checking my passport for due dates and so forth but after looking into my heart and talking to my Maker I felt a whole lot better accepting what is as yet another blessing in disguise. I may have to pay up to 1500dirham in fine big deal considering the things i have been able to enjoy here with my two sons and the amount of work i have created and earning more than enough to cover the cost. Had i been too cautious most of what had transpired would not have been as relaxed and due to pressure for time.

The Naz would not have the same opinion most probably but hell what can I say I am going sixty and at my age i am entitled to making a few errors here and there my clock is ticking and who knows how or what is going to grab me sooner or latter. These last few weeks being with my son have made up for all those years i had missed him and the bonus, of missing his younger brother the son I never knew i had till he was seventeen years of age. Timo incidentally just called from Zurich Airport to tell me that he had arrived safely and now taking the train to where he lives.

Alhamdullilah! Alhamdullilah! Thank You Lord for these small favors You have granted me even as You know i hardly deserve any of it. I have transgressed my religion most of my life forgetting and even was even at times so arrogant and defiant towards You. Yet You have made things happen for me often enough that I have no way of expressing my feelings but to say thank You! I love You from the bottom of my heart and let this writing bear witness of this moment of my profess and those who read it will testify to this. Protect me from any more deviations from this moment of surrender, Lord for I do not feel like i have anymore energy to take the challenges. Allow my death in peace and in Thy service and allow no more temptations to delude my mind for it has bee returned to You. Protect me O'Lord from regressions and suppressions and oppressions of tis life even if it means having to yank my soul out of this body to prevent them, it too has been surrendered to You... Inna Lillah Wa' Inna Lillah... from You I have come to You I return. Like the masters before me, I crave not nor fear the fires of Hell or the comforts of Heaven, I too only crave to return to You, my Creator my Home, take me as one of them who has walked through the Siratalmustaqin to the other side and delivered into Your Being.

I, am No More...

Sunday, May 03, 2009

The Last Pow Wow with Timo

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling

It is 4am. and Timo is working on my next project painting a scene of a Golf Course in Atlanta, the thirteenth green they say, which was requested by Traverse, the guy who now owns my Fall mountain scene mural on his living room wall downstairs. Tomorrow he leaves for Switzerland after having stayed here for a week or so and hanging out with his dad and older brother who he never met before. We sat out on the the balcony the pasrt hour or so having a father and son talk which mostly amounted to my telling him my cock and bull stories of my past and my philosophy in life. After having exhausted myself from playing the all knowing wise old man, Lukman giving his son advice on life, Timo told me to read the poem above by Kipling cause he said thats for you, dad. He got it off the internet for me to read it and hey what can you say, kids these days, you will never figure out what they know or dont can you? A twenty three year old today is a far cry from a 23 year old of my years and I say this with a little pride for my son, indeed a chip of the old block!

Eleanor (El) left for New York in the middle of the night and The Naz left for Hong Kong around five this morning and it is almost noon and i just said my farewell to Timo who is on his way back to Switzerland, my kids are scattered all over the world again! It is said that if you cling on to what you love they will leave you but if you allow them the freedom to fly away from you they return. If life for me seem simple and cozy it is just an illusion and an optimistic one at that painted just so I could feel some sense of triumph, the fact that my present wife is vegetating and possibly dieing somewhere in an Illinois nursing home is vivid on my mind and the fact that the Malaysian Government is still treating my two children there like they are pariahs that dont belong after ten years of growing up in the country which I call home is still a thorn in my side and that has always been all these while that no man can share the pain except me. These are perhaps Allah's final cut for me in this life despite all the good graces i have received I am still carrying this Albatroses tied around my neck lest i forget of whaT CAN OR CANNOT GO WRONG! (capitals accidentally typed in!).

Alhamdullilah! Thank you Lord for thy infinite compassion is laying these obstacles along the path to test my patience and endurance and still not doubt Thy infinite Mercy. The more i find blocks and obstructions in my path the more I appreciate the beauty in my believe in the Infitnite Creator, sounds downright corny? You will have to walk in my shoes for i am the man who used to point my middle finger up at the sky when I was young, ever so pissed off at the world and looking for someone or something to lay the blames on,(as accused ealier by an anonimous Malay in my blog who also called me a Malay without identity). It took a long time and alot of eye openers to awaken me from my dellusions and most of it I cannot even write about for shame or redicule, but now as I am about to turn sixty my awareness is gradually emerging from the dark paths that I had treaded and the dim light is beginning to enlighten my experiences.

My children from three different mothers have been a source of beaken for me as I worry of their life and what lies in store for them into the future. The last few weeks living with my eldest has been yet another whack upon my conciousness as to how buried i have become into the kingdom of doom and gloom that i forgot what it is to have simple fun, what it is to be angry and to cry it out, to feel weak and helpless and yet to respected and loved without conditions. I love all my children and Insha'Allah if one or two more pops up in the email to tell me hey Dad, remember when you were here and there and you metup with so and so? Well Hellooo, I am your daughter!, No, I dont want anything from you just to get to know my father. And I would say Alright! Welcome to the Bahari Clan!