My last entry was an excited recurrence of my long time passion of undertaking an environmental issue to the task, that of cleaning the Sungai Pinang river in Penang. I spoke to saverl friends on the matter about the idea and got a mixed response from them. One or two decided that it was genuinely a great 9idea while oithers thought that now is not the time or some other excuses why it could not be carried out. It is ver interesting to note how or what people think about a project that demands immediate action yet would incur high cost rather than make money. The economy is not so good is a common excuse for the nays and the people are not ready for this whole idea of collective coorperative venture to undertake such an effort, lets put it to the back burner for now and concentrate on luring more tourists to the island or make sure that the people have the demands met with to keep them happy. The hell with the dirty rivers and clogged up drains in the meantime, theres plenty of time for that and hey, it does make a good topic though when we run out of things to gripe about.
Why am i so hyped about the damn river anyway? After all it has only been for tha last thirty odd years that this particular river has really been dubbed the worst polluted river in the country, what's a few more years till we can afford to take serious look at what we can do about it. So relax take it easy and try to ignore tha impilses you have about the goddamn river, focus on your upcoming shows! Like where the hell are you goping to find the fundings for the perchasing of your art materials, canvasses, and mounting them, paints and brushes and whatelses that you need to do your work with? Theres three solo shows lined up for this year and they are fast approaching the datelines and how the hell did i got myself into this bind? For the longest time i had shyed away from exhibiting my works for this very reasons and now that i dcided to go full time I am finding myself trapped into producing under pressure. But the dye is cast and commitment hasto be met with, this the nature of the business and so now i have to scrounge around for the meands to get my works done for these upcoming shows like it or not.
Yes I have to focus on what is relevant to my own survival and stop this pipe dream of an undertaking like cleaning a river, its too big an issues especially when I am indepedantly unwealthy. Such is life, you can only try to do just so much while the rest will have to be KIV for the next life perhaps. In a year's time i will turn sixty, an old fart who should start thiking about what to leave behind for my children when i am dead and gone. It is perhaps time to narrow down my options and rein in my impulses and passions, at least those that are way beyond my reach. START ACCEPTING THE FACT THIS IS IT! Join those who have gone before me in the pastures and meditate upon the afterlife. Face the fact that I have tried to excell in what i seek to accomplish but the end is in sight and what i have attained thus far is all that there is to go for and i'd better learjn the hard facts of growing old and being defeated by impermanence. When all is said and done at the end of the day we all have to come to some sort of conclussion about who or what we are, why or how come we are where we are at, the question of what brought you here!
My aching jaw from the removed molar is all there is that i can at present indentify with and it is the only thing that makes any sense abpout who or what i am at the moment and this is all i need to be here and Now.