Thursday, January 18, 2007

How to get through this downer?

Went to the University Sains Muzeum gallery and got to talk a little to the Director Encik Hasnul who informed me that I could have a show sometime in July together with another artist a two man show. Whatever happened to the the show in March or the show in KL with the Pelita Gallery? All seems to be like entizers to keep me in good form as far as creating artworks is concerned. Have I become overly dependant on others for my success as an artist, expecting and hoping for handouts in the form of promises that are as hollow as the feelings I am having inside of me.
I am running on an empty tank and my wallet is as dry as it has ever been so where do I look for an instant financial salvation so that my kids can have their pocket money to go to school. Beg, borrow or steal the 3 options left as working for it is not meeting my needs by a long shot. But whats the use of moaning and groaning over what is happening in my life right now it could all be traced back to my own fault one way or another. I have exhausted all my hopes and aspirations, my talents and zest for life, what else is there to fall back on except the Mercy of the Infinite. Allah have mercy on my soul for I am loosing my faith again and I feel like my life is all but a waste of time on this planet.

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