Lahaula wala kuwata illabilla Aliungh Azim!

Hu, Is the Lord of Power, from Hu we came to Hu we return and all the rest with us, nothing is left behind n not a thought not an expression Nada! The end of illusions the end of time, the end of the Universe Story or theory.

"You thought yourself apart. small: wheresas within you there is a Universe, The Greatest, said the Shah of Saints (Shahi Walayat), Hazrat Ali and attracted attention to this fact 14 hundred years ago!"... Hulusi.

Jesus said that the temple of the Living Lord is within you. Why does man has the trouble in believing the Truth manifested throughout the ages handed down from one wise generation to the next through its people, saints and Prophets? Why is not time and money spent in researches that dive into the Mystries of mystries, the Human Mind itself? The Human Mind, collectively has evolved to such a phase that the manifestation of this Internet itself is a testimony to its rate of evolution and its purpose is no question; to discover who we are or why we are who we are. Its very survival depends on the ultimate answer for we as humans are heading rapidly into a black hole at least as a specie.

"If a person is purified from immitation and from lifeless knowledge that is acquire through memorizing or being conditiioned;and if he can interrogate the reality and evaluate the resources he acquired, the way of "assuming character traits of Allah(Alta hulluq bi-akhlak Allah) opens for him".
He begins reading the SunnatAllah
His eyes that sees, ear that hears, tounge that talks become Him!
But Mankind can never see that!...Hulusi.

"example of the use of the weak anthropic principle is to"explain" why the Big Bang occured about ten thousand million years ago-it takes that long for intelligent beings to evolve."...Hawking.

"Allah has decreed the FATE of creation fifty thousanf years before Hu created created heavens and earth!"... Allah's Rassul, Mohammad (SAW).

What is time in the eye of the Creator? Hu can make a blink of an eye to lasttill eternity or create the whole Universe again by merely the Utterence...Be! and it shall Be! The Koran has discussed on many occaisions the question of Time and Space, some through analogical or through allergorical in the effort to confront the wise at the validity of a simple statement or declaration is hidden the truth to all the mystries we seek for the answers to. Thoughts can take us so far and words can carry us not any even any closer but as our biological ticks away we scrambble to make sense out of very existence, why we humans seek so very hard for ways and means to bring about our own misseries, pain and suffering; our own self destruction, individually or collectively. For every generation eversince we came into being we have among us the Ghenjhis Khans and the Attilla the Hun!, we have the Hitlers and the Hirohitos! we have the Yasser Arrafat and the Ariel Sharons to lead us?
Collectively we have a solemn duty to find this Truth, to forge our minds and to reach out and touch the Universe with our Hearts or reach into our hearts to the very source of all sources and find where Truth sits. Our journey began since the dawn of creation since the first Man made one ignorant error and defied the law that Created him. This is our Fate, it is the Will of the Creator to lay down Man's Destiny.

"Everything is bound to its destiny! Even incapability, intelligence and cleverness!"... "everything and all the phenomena that ever takes place till fture eternity is ordained even at the absolute moment when the Universe came into existence"... The Holy Prophet (SAW).

Hulusi Vs Hawking

"Know that the life of this world is but a sport and a pastime, a show and an empty boasting among yourselves. This world's life is naught but a means of deception."
(57:20). The Koran.
The Buddha is said to have declared a simmilar claim when He called the world that we are experienceing a world of illusion a world of Maya and the scientists has so clearly proven to us that all that we see and feel is not what they really are or things are not what they seem at least in the physical sense. When viewed under an extremely powerful telescope most scientists will tell you that we are but atoms fluttering around in space but that to the law of gravity we are being brought together all of us tiny- winnie little atoms to form who we are or what we are.

"In this book(A Brief History Of Time), I have given special prominence to the laws that govern gravity,because it is gravity that shapes the large- scale structure of the universe,.." Hawking

Everything that is apparent to us in this physical realm of existence is affected by the gravitational laws that governs the universe and this includes the microcosmic realm and to the spiritual realm. Man has been dwelling under the inffluences of the magnectic pull of the universe whether he realizes it or not and as such he has settled for the consequences as a matter of course. It took us millions of years(according to science) to learn to stand up from our beginning stages of crawling on our bellies, and we need to spend a good amount of time of our life laying down so that we can recover from the wearing out effect of an upright position and these due to the pull of gravity.As Humans we spend a great deal of our time and money to learn how to fly to be free from the laws of gravity, we all dream of being able to float freely as if in outer space. Hence spiriutally it has always been our yearn to be free from the bondage of this physical body which is subjected to the forces of gravity. We yearn for a liberation that would free us from such bondage.

Hawking Vs Hulusi

Had Stephen Hawking read and understood the Holy Koran he would have not have claimed that the human reason would understand the Mind of AlMighty if and when the discovery of a complete theory ( of the Universe)has been achieved. Hawking's scientific approach towards unravelling the myteries of the Universe through physics and mathematical equations is highly regarded in the west, however, that is all it is a whole lot of mental juggling of numbers and theories that tries to make sense out of what is Creation itself and who the Creator or why the Creator created this whole scenario we call the Universe. A scientist like Hawking can baffle our ordinary minds with all the figures and statistics which is beyond doubt the accomplishment of a genius in his field, but when it comes to the Creator Stephen Hawkings is no better than the buffoon who claims that the universe sit on top of a bunch of turtles.
Western science can keep on figuring out the univers from the atom to the Super Nova, the Black hole to the parallel galaxies and it would still be barely touching the surface of getting to know who or why of the Maker. Einstein with his theory of relativity could never create a blade of grass but had the audacity to question "How much choice did God have in creating the universe?" When great minds tempt the very thing that created them the ambititon is to try and become if not better themselves against it. A thing that can be explained away has or its nature can be predicted sooner than later looses its mystry and its awesomeness. Allah, I will never use the word God as of now in my writings as I do not like to see the word in its mirror image, is not God, there is no God only Allah. Einstein and Hawking and all the rest of the western thinkers and scientists will never unravel the mystries of the universe untill they can unravel this one small equation and that is 'There is no God, only Allah!"
If there ever is a code that can be used to decipher the mysteries of Creation it is in this single line that is the key to all mysteries for within it is contained all the theories and equations that is encapsuled for the human minds to swallow and digest if he wish to transcend himself and open the locks to all the mystries that has escaped his reasonning mind. Read! the first word of the Koran is Read! in the name of the AlMighty, Read, that there is no God, only Allah. "Whatever phenomena that come into the life of man that he could not figure out the nature of the mystery and he could not overcome, has remained as a product of an unknown authority for him. Thus, an image of God was created and acknowledged as the unknown authority. Actually, the acceptance of a God whether in heaven or on earth, is nothing other than a hypothetical assumption completely contrasting to contemporary scientific data. In parallel, such an assumption that contradicts the scientific reality is rejected by the Koran though the statement known as the Word Of Oneness (Kalimat-it tawhid) that says: There is no God." Hulusi.

"Even if there is one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe? The model cannot answer the question of why there should be a universe for the model to describe. Why does the universe go to all the bother of existing? Is the unified theory so compelling that it brings about its own existence? Or does it need a creator and, if so does he have any other effect on the universe? And who created him?" Hawking.

"Man can never experience the ORIGIN-the REALITY of existence as long as he is depended on data he perceived through the five senses, no matter what century he lived in and no matter what information he possesed.
Information gained through the five senses carries man away to countless cosmic spaces and dimensional universes in the macrocosm or in the microcosm! You are tansported away from stars to galaxies, from galaxies to black holes, and to white holes out od blackholes, to altered states of universes out of whiteholes; and then being got lost in the wasteland of such JINNAL-DEMONIC_ALIEN type of opinions, you waste all your lifetime with a misbelief that there is a GOD_OUT_THERE!" Hulusi.

Pulling it all together

My wife somewhere in a nursing home in Waterloo, Illinois has put on thirty pounds since she was admitted and has become a regular Florence Nightingale among the elderly residents of the joint! I am relieved, I miss her prescence here but where she is I guese is a whole lot better than I can hope for and in a way I have made the right decission in sending her home to be with her mother. I was informed by a cousin of hers that she is cheerful and well settled in the environment but when carrying a converstaion regarding her past she slips off into her own world. We are far from her memory and drifitng ever further from the sound of it.
My two children here are back from their short school vacation spent on the East coast with their friends there and from the look of things I can say that my mind is less pressured by worries of their well being. My son in the US has sent me some money of which most have gone into framing my works and a friend in San francisco sent me 100 US dollars which helps to keep me financially secured for the next few weeks after I that I will be getting my pay check so financially i am doing fine for now. Looks like the show will happen with alot of help from friends and family, both here and abroad. A friend in Japan too has sent me 100 US dollars when she found out that I needed some assistance so all in all I am fortunate and blessed to have those people who more than care about my well being and that of my family. The success of my show is dedicated to them.
My show is dedicated to my one time friends Josh and Shrsten who at one time used to live on Haight and Ashbury in a tiny basement apartment. Sometime in 1985-6 I was allowed to sleep on their even tinier kitchen floor helf stuck under their kitchen tablre brcause I was homeless. The show is for Will Harris who allowed me to work at H&H Shipservices as a sweeper and later Tank Cutter and Yard Suprintendant out of trust and understanding. They changed my life, they gave me the breaks I needed and the rest I made things happen. I am thankful for my friends at the green Gulch farm and Zen Center where I spent two years of my life recoveinrg from an illness and later becoming a avert Zen student. I am thankful for the friendship and kind understanding afforded me by all the ladies in my relationships before i married for the second time in my life for they were my great teachers in life, love and what it takes to be need and be needed. What it is that makes a man a man, loved and hated by those shared their lives with me. I raise my hands in a humble Gasho! to them all and for better of worse I was their student as they were mine. The short times we shared albeit in happiness or in bitterness were part and parcel of our lot this path of our had to offer. I hope that we are all much richer and wiser from what we had experienced and ecclectically have picked out the best that lessons that we had learned and moved on toward greater ahcievements.
We live a borrowed life where nothing is permanent and everything save our souls is transcient for when our time is up we are gone and nothing that we do or dont really matters. It is while we are alive that we strive to do our best to be of use to life, the world aroung us and the people whose life we have touched otherwise our lives are as meaningless as occupying space and consuming the air with nothing to justify for it. To be able to give and receive, to ba able to share and care selflessly is something we humans has almost forgotten in this material life of ours. The Buddha said that giving and receiving are of great virtues expecially when there is no giver or receiver to be acknowledged of. i have asked around for my friends help against all my principles and especially my pride and for this reason in itself i have asked that I may forget my pride and accept the help that others can offer me. I am very happy and fortunate that there those in my life who are willing to come forward and give me their help and support most graciuosly as there are thoise who would judge me for my weaknesses most unforgivingly. This is life, this is what the human factor in life is all about in order for us to overcome our age old sicknesses of Greed, Hate and Dellusions.

Things are beginning to pick up for the show

Yesterday I made some new acquaintences one a musician who plays the harmonica while at the same time the tamborine with his foot and a bongo with his hands, a regular one man band and damn good at it. We were at the home of a martial arts instructor who when told that I am having a solo exhibition in town has offered to provide a few demos free at the oppening. The musician also offered to play at the event if it can be set up. So I am trying to convince the gallery director to have the oppening day with some entertainment included.
I have four of my works for framing and should be ready soon and I have come up with a few ideas to make the show more exiting one of which is to include all the different works I have been working in the past, the different techniques and the different mediums. I will group them so that it will give the audience a good perpective of the scope of my ability as an artist. Oils, water colors , prints, black and white sketches, cartoon characters and to include one or two of my original journals. I will make my show thw talk of the town at least among art enthusiasts. Carpe Diem! Thats right its now or never!
The best fruit is one that drops to the ground when it is fully ripe and ready and not untill then. This is how I look at my life. Although by nature i am a very impatient fellow, but underneath it all I maitian the fact that things are well done when they are 'well done', for to hurry and make things happen can sometimes back fire or fail due to premature and lask of proper planning. There is a saying that some fail because they lack planning then there are those who plan simply to fail. I have a plan that include both success and failure and life is the experiment where success and failure goes hand in hand. It is not so much the end product or conclusion that matters to me it is more the process of succeeding or failing that makes my life worth living.

Yes, The show will go on...

On checking the balance in my bank account I discovered that I had some three hundred odd Malaysian Ringgit extra, someone had debited into my account about 100US Dollars I have yet to know who or where the money came from. Could be my son in the US or one of my friends in Japan, however whoever it was I am thankful as it lifted a great worry off my mind. I decided to check out how much it would cost me to frame four of my watercolor paintings this evening and discovered that it would cost about two hundred and sixty Ringgit in all and so I will go ahead and start gettinbg as many of my works framed as I can. I was told I needed at least about thirty pieces in all for a complete show at the Gallery. So far I have about twenty small pieces of mixed mediums framed and will need to start looking into the framing of my large canvasses measuring six feet by five feet a few of them and this will be costly.
Th frame shop I visited this evening is located at the end of Sungai Pinang Road no too far from where I live and the owner is kind of laid back guy about my age and is barely surviving at his business. I hope that we can work together in getting my works framed professionally, I hope to ba able to develop a relationship with the guy as he seemed like an artist himself and could use a little encouragement. I used to have a very close friend who was a frame maker when I was living in San Francisco. He was Palestinian and is his own way an artist and a poet. His place was called Valencia Gallery which was located on Valencia Street, SF. This was whewre I used to hang out along with a few of the guys from the Middle East. Most San Francisco Artists would drop by to get their works framed there and I had a good exposure to their works and got to meet and talk to quite a few of them. Most were Avangarde, and some underground painters whose works were not meant for public eyes as much as for self satisfaction and self expression to be shared among the few who happened to stumble upon their existance or met with the artist's acceptance as one who deserves being entertained.
The Malay frame maker I just made an acquaintence with reminded me very much of my friend Hakim and the Valencia Gallery. These to me are individuals who are inherently special as they persue their work or hobby despite all odds and one seldom finds them wasting their time sitting around telling stories at coffeeshops. They have their own stories to tell and if one find the time and common ground to work from chances are one could learn a thing or two from these individuals as I found in my relationship with my Palestinian friend Hakim in San Francisco. This is the beauty of making connections through your works.

My salary came and went

My son needs a new set of school uniforms and my daughter spent RM150 buying the things needed for her school activities. I paid all my small debts I had incurred the past month in trying to make sure that they have what they needed for their daily spendings. Its down to earth economics and as can be expected it exceeds my income. Now I have barely enough to see me through till the next paycheck much less to spend on getting my works framed for the upcoming solo exhibition.
Again swallowing my pride I have shamelessly appealed to a few of my friends abroad for a little financial help towards getting my exhibition fulfilled as it is my dream project. This included approaching my son in the US for his help, so far I got two offers from friends both in Japan and the US. These are individuals who have been more than a family towards my family and I over the years since we met. I am not proud of the fact that I am becoming an international beggar just to get my show going but again life is an experiment and as such nothing is to be overlooked or disregarded. If i have to beg in order to get my dream fulfilled than beg I must. I have not asked my closer family and relatives for help as I am weary of their sentiments although I did approach one of my nephews who is doing quite well in Kuala Lumpur. So far I have received silence and so be it as now I learn more about who I am and what to expect of being who I am. It is a good gauge in finding out the truth about friends and relatives and what to and not to expect, at least it is a lesson one learns about the meaning of life and dependencies or what the independant really means. Maybe I may sound a little judgemental about it all, well when you expose yourself it is bound to reveal the uglies as well as the beauties about yourself and this you have to accept as part of life and the effort to towards purification.
Looking at it all from my spiritual practice I cn see why the Buddha had adviced one to become a mendicant monk in this life begging for life. It is a very strong form of pratice in order to curb your ego from becoming over inflated with pride and other forms of negative traits such as greed and dellusions. If and when my show has become a successful reallity I know who or what it takes to achieve this, it is not my talent alone nor my efforts or financial wellbeing that is solely responsible for the success, it is a shared effort. It is a shared effort of those who cared not just for me but for my talent as an artist. for the sake of Art and the Human Mind.These are individuals who values the creative spirit and willing to overlook the human frailties that accompanies the creator. In the spiritual sense they are willing to overlook my weaknesses and support my quest for a spiritual liberation through my works.
But who is kidding who? I am living in a dream and a dreamer I have always been thinking that I can breeze through this life with ease and colorful episodes. Life is a bitch and then you die without finishing the very goal you set to reach for. You end up drowning into the quaigmire your very own creation. Hopes are for the birds and prayers are for the hereafter. Despair and gloom looms at the horizon with every rise of the morning sun. Today only faith hangs precariously, faith in the compassion of the AlMighty and those who cares. This alone keeps me from scrapping my show. The faith that others have in my abilities and my dedications towards what I consider as the meaning of life and living. Sharing it all with the world as one more isolated incident in space and time, this is my ultimate contribution to humanity, sharing my strength and limitations my successess and failures. This is my story to be handed down to my children and their children just in case one day any one of them decided to know their history or what it takes to have an insatiable creative drive; to have a dream.
What does it takes to become a Rennaisance man I had often asked myself naively in my younger days. To be knowledgeable matters of spirituality as in metaphysics and to be able to run a hazardous waste facility as in mechanics and engineering, to understand human interactions as in living among many cultures and cultivating close bonds or relationship that earned respect and integrity and las tbut not least in being a good artist all around. Perhaps this is a very shallow manner of looking a what it is that makes a complete person but so far whatever I have set out to accomplish whether it is cleaning someone else's toilet or laying an in insence on the Altar or Manjushri I have done it all with a concious mind towards acheiving a right understanding of the meaning of life and practice.